


Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts

by FireNinjaDagger



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, PVRIS (Band), Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, Set It Off (Band), Tonight Alive
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Art, Bands, Multi, Thank you for the Venom, give me all your hopeless hearts, hopeless hearts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-11-14 08:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 45,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11204517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireNinjaDagger/pseuds/FireNinjaDagger
Summary: Moving to a different state to attend a new school for my junior year wasn't how I planned on spending my summer. However, this might be exactly what I wanted. My new friends as weird as me except something is off about every single one of them. I wanted to find out what, particularly one of the boys with messy, black bangs who always carried a worn out sketchbook.My Chemical Romance, Tonight Alive, Set It Off, PVRIS, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Paramore.





	1. September 15th

        "This will be your class schedule," the secretary says handing me a printed form. I take the warm paper from her hand and scan over it. Well, at least they got the guitar class I wanted and I was also given the early release I was promised. Though I didn't ask for math, history, or English but this is a school so I can't really complaint there. I got what I wanted and looks like my study hall is the first hour. Good, I'm not a morning person. "Is there any other questions you have that I could answer for you?"  
        I glance up from my schedule and look at the woman. "No, that's all I guess," I mumble.   
        "Well then, welcome to North Shore High," she says with a cheery smile. I stand and fling my bag over my right shoulder then shuffle out of here. I guess I should be going to class but I don't really want to. Due to the untimely cross-country move, I'm already coming to school two weeks after it started, making my transition a hell of a lot bumpier. As if the new kid from New Jersey dropping into a sea full of prissy teens living their whole lives in upstate Cali wasn't bad enough. I'd be worried I'd get jumped for standing out so badly but I have to remember I'm not at home anymore where not constantly looking over your shoulder is a death sentence. The worst thing that could happen here is you tan too dark for your eyebrows or someone else bought your $750 dollar shoes and you can't wear them anymore to be "original".   
        I know I'm just being spiteful here and I'm sure not everyone is as bad as I built them to be in my head. But I fought a one-man war about this move and tragically lost. I don't know how I planned on spending my summer but moving from New Jersey to California was definitely nowhere on the list. My top three would be catching up on sleep, finally relaxing, and saving up to buy an electric guitar. Turns out parents' job rearranges everything. When my mom and dad sat me down to tell me, I was expecting them to inform me they are finally getting a divorce. They've been fighting over the years and it kept getting worse and worse. I know deep down they don't love each other anymore like how they did when I was younger and I felt it coming soon, I felt in my heart. The fact they shouldn't be together is the only thing they could ever agree on in the past 10 years. But turns out they still haven't gotten around to the divorce so instead, both of my parents move to California and they drag me along biting and clawing the whole way there. How could I possibly move across the country and not be angry? I knew they were both offered jobs over in LA but I'm in school and my life is here in New Jersey. I didn't want to go but I didn't get a say in the matter. After doing everything I could, I knew there was no way I could opt out of this move or convince them otherwise. So I lost the war but I did win one battle and it was the battle of my life. I managed to compromise and at least get to finish my sophomore year before the move.  
        I told my friends I was leaving but none of them took it as hard as I did. They were "bummed out" and nowhere near as distressed as I as. It seemed to constantly slip their mind I was leaving too because I had to keep pointing it out every time they talked about "next year" with me. I wasn't going to be here next year and they didn't seem to care. It was in that moment I realized you're not supposed to care much about your friends. I mean, the lot of us never really been close. We were all very different. Charlie and Luke were on the football team, Patrick was the super nerd in all the computer, science, and math classes, Darin was I dare say the delinquent of our group as well as the player. Then there's me: the metal head who likes music too much for my own good. Friends aren't much of anything besides something to pass the time. I could never define friends until now.

        I climb up to the second floor and roam the halls until I come across the room number. The door is open and the teacher is sitting in the front at his desk typing on the computer while the class is working or diligently napping. A few kids have their earbuds in while writing homework assignments, some kids are talking to their friends next to them but a majority of them are either on their phones or burying their face in their desk asleep.   
        I walk up to the teacher's desk and he looks up at me. "Ah, you must be the new student," he says getting up and greeting me. "Frank Lero is it?"  
        "It's Iero actually," I correct.   
        "Oh, my bad," he says. "Well, welcome to our school. I'm Mr. Cee and this is your study hall. I know it's the first period of the day so you won't always have work. If that's the case, I don't mind you on your phone or relaxing before you go to your other classes. I also don't have assigned seats, you can find a place. And if you ever need to go somewhere else like a computer lab, library, any other class, just sign out and you're good."  
        "Okay, thanks," I say and awkwardly shuffle away from his desk and glance over at my options of open seats. A few kids noticed my arrival and are glances at me. Others are too busy to realize which is all for the better I'd say. Then I spot an empty in the very back of the room on the same side as the door. That's a good place. I head over to the empty seat and ask the girl next to it if it was taken.   
        "Huh?" she says still laughing at whatever funny thing her boyfriend or wannabe boyfriend said to her.   
        "Is this seat taken?" I ask again.   
        She brushes her neon scarlet hair out of her face and looks up at me still giddy. "Oh, no. You can sit there," she says. I drop my bag off my shoulder and grab the strap before it thuds to the ground and I sit down. The girl starts giggling again and the guy with dark hair shortly cropped on the sides with longer bangs falls over on his desk. I roll my eyes at those two and put my music in. I just want to get through the day and then the week. I just want to get through this year and repeat for my senior year. I don't care anymore, I just want to get through high school in one piece and I'm done. I don't ever have to deal with this again, I'm free. I just want to be invisible and make this as painless as possible. Nobody needs to notice me, I just want to be invisible and I want to get out of here as soon as possible. No time to bother making friends, I doubt any of them are worth it. There's no such thing as real friends. Just people to pass the time. I turn on my phone and look at my text messages. The last text I received was from my mother this morning. The standard "have a good day at school! Here's our address in case you forgot so you know how to get home" My dad hasn't texted me recently and my friends all forgot about me already. I've tried texting them in our group chat but they started talking about hanging out together, which I clearly can't do anymore. Then Patrick said they should make a group chat with all of them but not Frank and use it for when they hang out so I don't feel bad. I guess they started using the one without me and never went back. I tried texting them, both on the big one and individually. Some of them haven't responded, Patrick hasn't even opened my texts to read. The ones who to respond only send one-word replies and kill the conversation quickly. I stopped trying a long time ago and I've come to see they don't text me, to begin with, which is why I no longer had friends and maybe never had any in the first place. 

        After a period of sitting there contemplating my life while listening to Smashing Pumpkins, I make my way down to the music hallway for guitar. I really hope that class is better than the last one, something to do but hopefully even less interaction with people other than a teacher. Sitting in the corner by the door, I notice in the back the same girl and guy from my study hall are here except they're with more friends. There's five of them all together. Another guy wearing a hoodie and two more girls with a unique hair. The brunette has really long hair down to her waist and it's wavy. The side of her temples are shaved completely and she wears all black and grey schemed clothes. Grey tights, black boots, dark grey skirt, light grey blouse and a very classy jacket. Then the other girl sitting next to the fancy lady is dressed similarly to the neon-haired girl. She too has ripped skinny jeans, converse, some sleeveless shirt that requires her to wear a black tank top underneath and a flannel tied around her waist. The five of them all sit in a tight circle laughing together and playing really obnoxiously on their instruments. Part of me really wants to start shredding Metallica because I know how to but I don't think that would be a good idea. Remember, low profile and invisible. 

        History goes by. Gym goes by. Lunch is a real adventure trying to find somewhere to sit and then I have a brilliant idea of going down to the empty guitar room during my lunch period. No one is in here so no one can bother me. I'm almost done with the day when English comes around and I have an aneurysm. I come up to the teacher and instead of keeping her cool like the other teachers have, she makes a huge scene after the bell rings.  
        The last of the kids walk into class as the bell rings and they're all still talking when she pulls this stunt. "Class, we have a new student today." Everyone quiets down and starts looking around the room. I pull my hood over my head and try to avoid eye contact. Oh god... "Frank? Please stand up so we can all meet you." By now, a majority of the class knows I'm the new kid intruding on their lives. I reluctantly stand and pulls my jacket down. I'm now showing the whole class how short I am. If I was a girl, I'd be average height except I'm a guy and I am pathetically small. "Introduce yourself to the class," the teacher says with her preppy voice.   
        "My name is Frank Iero," I reply.   
        The teacher waits for me to continue but I just stare at her wanting permission to sit back down. "Tell us where you're from and something about yourself so we get to know you."  
        This is not part of the plan. I'm just supposed to pass by here invisible and unnoticed until I'm free. I don't want people to know who I am. I just want to hide. "I'm from Summit, New Jersey and I like the color red," I say flatly. There are some whispers going around over the fact I'm from Jersey.   
        "Oh, that must be exciting over there. Did you like it?" the teacher asks.   
        "Yes. And then I was dragged here to this land of sunshine." The teacher looks at me slightly uncomfortable sensing my attitude.   
        "Well, thank you, Frank. You may sit down." My knees collapse as soon as the words leave her mouth and I retreat back under the hood of my leather jacket and do my best to become invisible. God, that was utterly humiliating. I could have just died on the spot right there. Hell, dying on the spot right there would have been better. Man, this is a train wreck. I just want to go back to Jersey. I may not have had friends but I fit in with the people there. Everyone listened to the same music and it was a passion we carried deep in our blood. We fought for what we loved and we lived as though we'd die tomorrow. People were crazy, everyone was crazy and everyone was okay with being crazy. There was violence that made you fearful and knowing one wrong mistake may get you killed prevented the idiots from surviving. Everyone around had common sense and we weren't stupid. Knowing while walking home you might get shot made sure you never took anything for granted. We all sounded the same and we were never pointed out for how we pronounced words and we never pointed out when someone we knew spoke differently. I missed it back there. I don't belong in California.   
        The period is almost over when someone taps my shoulder. I uneasily turn around to see the girl from my guitar class wave at me. It's the girl with the flannel around her waist and sitting next to her is the other girl who dressed as if she just might go have tea with the queen of England at any moment. "Hi," she says cheerfully.   
        "Hi?" I say unsure and give a small wave.   
        "So you're new here, huh?" she brings up as a conversation starter. I really wish she didn't feel the need to talk to me for the sake of talking to the new kid.  
        "Yeah, I answer hoping to end the conversation.   
        "My name's Jenna and this is my-," Jenna looks back at the girl and gives a nervous laugh, "my friend Lynn."   
        "Hi," I respond towards Lynn.   
        "Yeah, well, I noticed I had a lot of class with you. Our friend Hayley said you sit next to her and Brendon in study and I saw you also in my gym class. You seem to be hanging by yourself so I wanted to ask you if in guitar tomorrow you wanted to sit with my friends and me."  
        "Oh, um, that's-wow-really nice of you," I say, sitting up. "Um, I guess if it's cool with them."  
        "Oh, totally. They're super chill. And Hayley and Brendon said they wanted to talk to you but you had your earbuds in so you didn't hear them.   
        "I didn't know they were. Gosh, now I feel bad," I say. "I didn't really want to bother those two, couples tend to get annoyed with others intrude I thought."  
        Jenna and Lynn start giggling. "Oh, no. Hayley and Brendon aren't dating. No, they're like brother and sister. And Brendon is dating someone else," Lynn explains.   
        "Oh, okay," I note. "So, I'll see you girls tomorrow then?" I ask.   
        "Definitely," they say in unison and then look at each other laughing. I smile warmly as the bell rings and I head to my math class. I resume my undercover op of remaining invisible however I kind of wished Jenna or Lynn were here, especially Jenna. They were really nice to me and Jenna seems like we'd make good friends. I can tell just by the way she dresses. And she's really nice, I don't know. My math class ends and I don't have homework considering I used to be a year ahead of math at my old school and they put me in honors juniors math, which is technically what I took last year. This is way too easy for me but all the better to get an easy A. My early release is after math class so when the bell rings, I walk out of the school. My phone had my new home address typed into google maps so I knew how to get back from here. On my way out, I see Jenna again with more of her friends. The girl she's with looks like her twin. It's not Hayley or Lynn but another girl. I think Jenna has a twin because this girl has the same 90's punk rock style cut and platinum, bleached blonde hair. They look like they both have an off style of Joan Jett's hair but bleached to an almost white. They also both have ripped skinny jeans, Jenna's grey and the other girl's blue. They have the converse, tied flannels, and sleeveless tops. The two of them walk together in front of the rest of them. Only one of the guys is familiar. I don't think it's the Brendon dude so it's the other one in guitar class. There are two more guys walking side by side. One wearing sports clothes and looks like a preppy athlete, the other kind of looks like me almost. Long, black bangs covering his face, wearing a leather jacket with the hood up and his bag hastily slung over his left shoulder. The only real difference between me and this guy walking out with Jenna and her friends is he's a few inches taller and he's carrying a bulky sketchbook in his arm.

 

A/N: So I started a new story? All the characters are band members (list in the description) and I'm incorporating some of the songs as the plot with a high school setting. Drop your thoughts in the comments! Thanks, guys, stay Limitless.   
~FireNinjaDagger


	2. September 16th

I know Jenna invited me to sit with her and her friends but I would feel intruding if I just waltzed over to their little group without being asked. I sit in the same seat I did yesterday off to the side of the room. This class is one of my more dysfunctional ones with an absence in the curriculum as well as order. It's very free for all, kids wandering around, leaving to go to the bathroom just by exiting the room, everyone in the back is doing their own thing with their instruments and the few kids by the window are on their phone trying to get reception. I actually know how to play guitar, I just don't know how to read music, which is what I was hoping to learn while taking this class. 

"Frank..Frank! FRANK!" I turn around and see Jenna waving me over. I grab my guitar and sling my bag over my shoulder before I walk over to them. Jenna slides down in her seat and extends her foot out, wrapping her ankle around the leg of a vacant chair and dragging it over to them. "You want to sit with us?" she offers. 

"Yeah, thanks," I say awkwardly sitting down and dropping my bag to the floor. 

"Hey, so your name's Frank?" The neon-haired girl says. Hayley, I think her name is. 

"Uh, yeah. Frank Iero. We have study hall together?" 

"Yep, with Brendon," she nods. 

One of the guys snaps his head in our proximity. "Wait, what?" he says. 

"We have study hall with Frank," Hayley says. 

Brendon looks over at me and gives a wave. "Oh, hi, Frank," he says. 

Jenna introduces me to the others. I've met Hayley Williams and Brendon Urie. Lynn from my English class is in here too. Today she's wearing black combat boots with black skinny jeans pants. She has a copper tank top on with a grey cargo jacket on. Her hair is tied back in a bun with a few strands tucked behind her ears. Then there's Brendon's best friend Patrick Stump, who's actually around my height. He's really nice. 

The lot of them are a really nice bunch. I don't know them and when they start talking about their past experiences, I'm a little out of place but all the while, not really. Lynn tells me how she and Jenna met. They were at the same Blink 182 concert in the mosh pit and they recognized each other from school. The next day, they started talking and have been good friends since. Patrick has had a class with Brendon since 4th grade and they know each other really well. Hayley has known Brendon basically her whole life being neighbors and such.

Jenna explains to me how they all became one giant group of friends. She and Amelia started talking to Lynn after the concert but Jenna's dad remarried a woman who had a son her age. Her step brother is Cody and he was new to her school and he only knew Jenna and one of his family friends. Cody;s friend introduced him to Brendon and the others. Then Jenna's dad had a Fourth of July party during the summer after junior high and they both invited their friends where they just merged into one large friend group. 

"So is the girl Amelia, does she kind of look like you?" I ask. 

"Eh, not really," Jenna says. 

"Liar," Hayley interjects. "You two look identical yet you're not at all related."

"So, is Amelia the girl I saw you walking out of school with yesterday?" I ask. 

"Mmm, probably. She has almost white hair?" I nod. "Yeah, that's Amelia McGuiness, she's my best friend in the whole world." I smile sweetly at Jenna. "Yeah, so there was this one time, Amelia and I over winter break went skiing and I'm not really good but her parents taught her when she was like 7 so she's some winter sports champion. Well, I completely fell down the incline and she just went around me in this circle."

"You seem to go places a lot," I comment. 

"Yeah, my dad is a computer engineer so we can afford to go places and have parties throughout the year." 

"DON'T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT!" Brendon starts singing really loudly and Patrick starts playing the chords on his guitar with Hayley. "DON'T WANT A NATION UNDER THE NEW MEDIA!" he continues. The three of them play Green Day purposely loud. Half the class turns around looking at us, some of them start singing along with Brendon. A smile grows on my face knowing these people like bands and know how to play their music. My "friends" in NJ thought it was an odd obsession of mine here, they have the same interests as me. 

The teacher looks up at us but doesn't say anything until they finished the song. I expected her to scold them for not playing the material she gave them to learn or practice chords or plain and simply being very loud, however, she says quite the contrary. "That's really good, if you guys have an electric, you can bring it in and connect them to our amps." 

"I wish I had an electric-wait, LYNN! You have one, right?" 

Lynn glances at Brendon. "But that's my baby, no one but me and Jenna are allowed to play it."

"Well, then you should bring it in and let Jenna play Green Day, she knows Boulevard of Broken Dreams." 

Lynn stares at him awkwardly. "I'm not bringing my electric to school."

"Damn, son," he laughs. 

"Well, you guys can probably come over to my house after school though and we can play."

"Wait, for real?" he asks. 

"Meh, probably. You guys want to?"

"Sure, who you want over?" Jenna asks. 

"Uh," Lynn leans back thinking. "Well, you guys are all invited. I think just everyone in the group. Hey, Frank, you want to join us?"

Heat suddenly rises to my face. "I-uh, yeah, sure. I don't know where you live though."

"Wait, you said you saw Amelia and I walking out of school together?" Jenna asks. 

"Um, yeah. I have an early release and I think you do too?"

"Yep, do you want to meet up and come over to my place then we can walk to Lynn's together when she gets out of class?"

"Okay, that might work."

"Super!" 

"So," Lynn crosses her leg and leans back in her chair, "who's all coming over?"

"I'm going to have to take a rain check on tonight," Patrick says. 

"Dido," Hayley adds in. 

"Alright, so Brendon, Jenna, and Frank, you guys can come?"

"Yeah," Jenna replies. "Do you want me to ask the others?" Lynn nods along. "Hey, we can bring out instruments over too." 

"Okay, well, ask Cody and Gerard if they can come."

"I'm sure Cody will, Gerard...that's, well, you know how it is with him."

"Yeah," she says. Lynn looks at me and notices my confusion. "Oh, Cody and Gerard are best friends, they're really close and Gee, he's kind of...how do I put it?"

"Let's just say," Jenna offers, "we don't know what's going on with him." 

"Alright, does he like work and stuff?" I ask, trying to understand a bit better.

Jenna bites her lip and ponders over an answer. "No, um, it's complicated with him. He-" There's a bit of awkward silence but it's cut short when the bell rings.

"Okay, well I'll see you guys later," Lynn says. Brendon and Patrick walk out together and the girls head the opposite way. I'm heading to history so I head toward the staircase. 

The day goes by adequately. History, our teacher tells us in the upcoming months there will be a series of papers and a project we will need to complete. The papers we will right individually but we must get with one partner to complete the project. "You guys are picking your partners so if you end up choosing someone who doesn't do their share of the work, I'm not held liable. Although you will also get partner evaluations so if they do slack off, it will affect their grade, not yours but that does not change the grading process on the quality of the work. Also note, there is an even amount of you in this class so there will be no groups of three and no one flying solo."

That's a nice panic attack waiting to happen. I'm going to have to befriend someone in this class who is willing to work with me. I don't see any familiar faces while scanning the room. Maybe I could pull the 'hey, I'm a left over so you have no choice but to work with me' that way the burden of being my partner is the last resort and not something I place upon one of my peers. It's going to be awkward but not nearly as awkward as going up to someone, asking to be their partner and them going well, it's rude to say no so fine. Whatever, the papers will come before the project and we get those next month. I have time to charm one of my peers in thinking working with me won't be the end of the world. 

During the passing period, I sent my mom a text saying I was invited over to one of my classmate's house to work on our guitar homework. I mean, it's not homework but we established this happening in guitar class so it's fine. She tells me to have fun and that it's cool. Even if she didn't give me permission, I would have gone anyway and she wouldn't have realized I bet. The thing with my parents is now that I've grown up, they kind of forgot about me. My dad is always busy with work but that's nothing new. My mom tries to be present in my life but with the wars he fights with my father, she doesn't have the energy to talk to me. 

It's not that I don't dislike my dad but I feel he causes more problems than my mom. My mom is there for me more than my dad and it's usually him who initiated the arguments but they're both at fault because my mother now likes to purposely antagonize him if she has the chance too. 

By the end of my day, I head downstairs to the parking lot and wander around trying to look like I have a life as well as stay out of everyone's way. I was invited with Jenna so if I see them, it's completely acceptable for me to run up to them. I pace back to the school looking straight ahead and avoid eye contact with everyone. I don't know what I'm doing but as long as I look like I do, it'll be okay. 

Someone taps my shoulder and I spin around, seeing Jenna smile brightly at me with her bag slung over her shoulders. "Hey, you still coming with us?" she asks cheerily. 

"If I'm still invited," I respond with. 

"Of course, you are," she says. "Come on, I'll introduce you to my step-brother and Gerard Way." Jenna grabs my wrist and hauls me with her at a quick pace over towards a small group of teens leaning between two cars in the middle of the parking lot. One of them is a pick up truck with a large bed, the other an SUV. "Hey, guys. This is my friend Frank I was telling you about."

I put on an awkward smile and give a friendly wave as the four of them direct their attention to me. "Hey, Frank," Jenna's look-alike says. She has a Paradise Fears T-shirt on with a black hoodie tied around her waist. "I'm Amelia."

"Hi, oh, I like your shirt by the way," I add. She glances down at the graphics and looks back up, snapping her fingers at me with a happy smile. 

"You're from New Jersey?" the athlete guy asks, Cody, Jenna's step-brother. 

"Um, yeah. My parents got jobs out here and we moved over the summer," I say. 

"Oh, that's awesome you guys have the coolest accents," he says sincerely. "Almost like Gee." The dark-haired guy nudges his shoulder and shakes his head jokingly. 

"Oh, okay?" I say, unsure of how of what he means. 

"Yeah, Gerard's from New Jersey," Cody says excitedly. 

"Ah, shut up, man," Gerard mutters. "I came here when I was 4, not much of an accent."

"Still more than any of us," Patrick says. He glances down at his watch. "Well, hate to leave so shortly but I need to get to work eventually."

"Alright, nice seeing you, man," Gerard says patting his back as Patrick walks past and hops into the truck. 

"We should head out too," Cody says. "Gee, Melia, you going to Lynn's?" 

"Yeah," they both reply in unison. 

"Awesome, do you want to hang out with us for an hour or would you want to be dropped off at your place and we'll meet you guys later?" Cody takes out his car keys from his pocket and clicks the doors unlocked. 

"We can hang out," Amelia answers for the two of them. 

"Cool cool," he says. Cody goes around and hops in the driver seat and the girls get in the back with me, Jenna sitting int he middle. The five of us head over to Jenna and Cody's house and they live relatively near the school so the drive isn't long at all. 

We pull into their driveway and I'm already astounded by the size of their house. It's massive, got to have at least three floors with a very elegant front, brick steps, five car garage, cement driveway, glass house lights, hardwood trimmings around the windows. This is a gorgeous house and I'm not even out of the car yet. I started understanding how serious Jenna was about the success of her father's job. No wonder they can always travel and have parties, if they have a house like this. 

We get out of the car and I walk with them up to the front doors. Amelia jumps on Jenna's back and Jenna carries her all the way inside. The inside is very lavish, hard redwood floors, dual staircases on either side of the house, a crystal chandelier, french doors to the other rooms, and extremely tasteful furniture. I'm blown away by how I'm in such a mansion. "Alright," Jenna grunts as Amelia hops off her back. "Frank, you want a tour?"

"Totally," I say. Jenna takes me through her kitchen, which looks like it is the set of a cooking show and her fridge is large enough to fit all of us in. There's a movie room, sitting room, dining hall. On the second floor, there's everyone's bedroom and all the guest room. Cody and Jenna have two rooms, one for sleeping and personalizing, the other for their hobbies. Cody stores his sports gear and trophies in his spare. He plays hockey in some privet organization and at school, he's in cross country, wrestling, and soccer. Jenna uses her spare room for her music and art. She has a black piano, a couple of amps in the back with numerous cases of instruments, which she tells me is her acoustic guitar, oboe, electric bass, and her favorite is her electric violin. It's 5 stringed, so it can be played as a viola or violin, and it has LED lights built inside. Different colors light up depending on the pitch. The other half of her room has an easel, numerous sketchbooks and a variety of mediums she knows how to use. There's also a computer with a printer, scanner , and tablet for digitally saving her artworks as well as printing any of her computerized works. 

Numerous other guest rooms are on the second floor. The third has open spaces, different offices, and where they keep their storage. There's one room on the fourth floor that's technically considered an attic but it's used as a little hang out. There's a balcony connected, which Cody and Jenna secretly assembled together a rope ladder to the balcony so if they ever want to sneak out, they can. I couldn't imagine living here, it's so nice and incredible a girl like her goes to the same high school I do. But I'm glad she does otherwise I would probably be alone, considering she's the one who befriended me. 

We all head down to the second floor and sit on the floor in one of the hallways, waiting for the hour to pass by. "I'm tired," Amelia says, leaning her head on Jenna's shoulder. 

Jenna glances down at Amelia and blows her hair in her face. "You going to sleep?"

"Nah," she mutters. "I'll just..."

"You'll what?" she asks.

"Huh, I don't know," Amelia says. 

Cody lies back on the floor. "Are we doing anything at Lynn's or just hanging out?" 

"I talked to her in the hall, we said we were going to bring our instruments but I don't think we will?" Jenna says uneven. Her phone buzzes and she takes it out. "Speak of the devil," she says with a half smile. I lean against the wall and stretch my legs out. "Huh, Brendon's not gong anymore," she says.

"Wait, why not?" Cody asks, sitting up. "Wasn't he the one who brought up the idea in the first place? Technically." 

"Yeah, but Lynn said she just talked to him and he's not going so I don't know."

Gerard sighs next to me and runs his fingers through his hair. I glance at him and he shakes his head subtly, almost in a disappointed manner. "Were you counting him on going?" I ask, not really sure for what purpose. 

"No, it's just-" Gerard stops and purses his lips together, "he's...what's the word I'm looking for? A slave?"

"Gee, knock it off," Amelia says looking at him concerned. "If Brendon were here, he wouldn't want you saying that so don't say that just because he's not here. "

"Well, he would be here if it wasn't for her," he replies back. "He's my friend, she has no right to do this to him."

"Guys, please stop," Jenna interjects, keeping her eyes on the ground. 

Gerard leans back against the wall. "I'm sorry, Jenna." She waves him off and he sighs. "No, don't do that to me," he says. 

"I don't want to talk about it," she quickly replies. "Anyways, Lynn's home now so let's just go." We get up, Amelia, Gerard, and I grabbing out backpacks and head downstairs then to her front door. 

"Hey, Jen-Jen? You think it's cool if I stay the night?" Amelia asks.

"Uh, is that even a question? You want to?" Jenna replies. 

"Totally." The two of them start heading upstairs to drop off Amelia's back in Jenna's room. "We'll be right down," she calls. 

Gerard sits down on the wooden bench and grabs his combat boots, unlacing them. "I'm going to start the car, " Cody says, walking out. 

Gerard and I are the only ones here and it's quiet. I don't know him that well so this is a little weird. I mean, he's from New Jersey so we have that in common and it's safe to guess he likes art. I always see him carrying his sketchbook, as it's right now lying next to him on the bench. 

"I can scoot over," he says. "You don't need to sit on the ground to put on your shoes."

"Oh, no. It's fine," I say, slipping on my converse. "So, can I ask what's going on with Brendon?"

Gerard drops his left foot to the ground and ponders for a minute before lifting up his other one and putting on his shoes. "It's his girlfriend," he replies. "He's been dating this girl named Audrey for almost a year now. At first I thought she was great and all but in the last few months, I've noticed she's not allowing him to hang out with us anymore. I only thought it was when the other girls were there because she's some jealousy nut. Well, even when it's just Cody, Patrick, and I, he'll say he can go and then she won't let him when she finds out."

"That's...bad, why does she do that? She not like you?"

Gerard gives a shrug. "It doesn't really matter what she thinks of us. We're not forcing her to hang out with us. It's only a problem when she won't allow him to hang out with us. She's...controlling him per say." Gerard looks up at me. "Amelia used to be friends with Audrey in elementary, before she was a bitch that is. She's a little biased in the nature of realizing Audrey is a problem. Jenna doesn't like her either, she's with me on this but Amelia's her best friend so she doesn't want to antagonize her." 

"I can see how it would be a touchy subject."

"Yep, and I've tried talking to Brendon. He gets upset and says she just misses him and gets lonely. He's justifying her actions."

"Is there anything you can do?"

He purses his lips to the side. "Well, not really. If he refuses to see it, there's nothing I can do."

Jenna and Amelia come bounding down the stairs full of giggles and falling over on top of each other. "Oh my god, guess what!" Amelia burst out running towards us. 

"No!" Jenna screams, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her back. "Don't you dare!"

Amelia hobbles over to us prying Jenna away. "Jenna just walked into her door because she forgets she closed it shut and then she just fell on the ground," Amelia says through her laughs. 

Gerard chuckles softly to himself. "That doesn't surprise me." He gets up and grabs his belongings. "Let's go, Cody's waiting for us. 

Lynn's house isn't at all far away. It takes a couple minutes to get there but it's in a different subdivision so the houses are not mansions. However, they are still nice with the white picket fence and a small porch with a freshly mowed lawn. Jenna and Amelia head up to her house and knock while the rest of us get out of the car. By the time we walk up to the porch, Lynn answers the door. "Hey, guys," she says and we step in. 

Lynn has a puppy and he's the cutest thing. My punk rock persona quickly diminishes when I see the puppy bounding down the hall and toward us. "Oh my god!" I exclaim and kneel down to him. "Can I pet him?" I ask like a little kid. 

"Go for it," she laughs. 

I scratch his head and her dog jumps up on my lap, causing me to fall back on to someone's legs. I look back and see Gerard stumbling down and falling against the door. He regains his balance and laughs at me. "Oh, sorry," I apologize and her dog licks my hand. 

Gerard smiles sweetly and then kneels down next to me. "You're okay," he says placing his hand on my shoulder. The others head up to Lynn's room but Gerard and I stay with her dog for the moment. "Hi, Dexter," he says in an adorable, baby voice. "You're getting so big!" I smile at Gerard watching him play with Dex in my lap. "I love her dog," he says petting him. 

"He's so cute," I say. "I wish I got a dog when I was a kid. I wanted one, I wanted a beagle but we never got one."

"I used to have a cat," Gerard comments, "until I found out I was allergic so we couldn't keep her. Gave her to my cousins."

"Awe, that's terrible. You couldn't get an allergy shot?"

Gerard tenses and looks up at me timid giving his head a small shake. "No shots," he says firmly. I look at him puzzled when he explains it to me. "I don't do needles," he says.

"You're afraid?" I ask. With wide eyes, he nods. "That's okay, we all have our fears." 

Dexter jumps up and rubs his nose into my cheek. Gerard looks at me. "What are your fears?" he asks. 

I'm assuming this was meant to be an innocent question, however it hits me harder than I think Gerard intended on it. I bit my lip and my mind rattles my brain searching for a justifiable answer, one that's not a lie nor too personal. I'm not about to dump him all my baggage right now, I doubt I ever will. He's just a friend of an acquaintance of mine. "I dunno," I finally answer. "I haven't really set a certain concept for me to be afraid of. But I'm sure I'll know if I encounter it."

Gerard nods in agreement. "That's a good answer," he says. "Here, let's go find the others." He stands up to his feet and offers a hand to me. I look at Gerard, back down at the puppy, then back up at Gerard. He laughs softly. "You can bring him."

"Sounds good." I take Gerard's hand and he helps me up. Carrying Dexter, we walk over to Lynn's room. 

We hang out the rest of the evening. Lynn has a really wicked electric guitar in her room, sleek black. There's heavy rock band posters all around and abstract art as well. She sets up her gaming system and she, Cody, and Gerard play a racing game. I sit next to Jenna and the rest of us watch them. 

"Stop riding my ass, Gee!" Cody screams as the two cars bump into each other. 

"Well, then just move your ass out of my way," he retorts. Gerard starts knocking into Cody's car and Cody wails. "Adios," he replies. 

"Come on, he's going to beat us," Lynn replies. "Hurry up!"

"I can't!" he says, his car swinging from shoulder to shoulder trying to regain traction." 

"Get on the road!"

"I am!"

"Cody, the shoulder is not the road. You drive like that in real life, you die." 

He looks at her with a smirk. "Well, we're all here alive and I drove us all over here-" He looks back to the screen and his car is crashed into a fence. "Fuck this fence," he mutters. 

"I think I'll pass," Gerard whispers quietly, "I don't want any splinters." Sitting right behind him, I'm the only one who heard and I start cracking up. Gerard knows I'm laughing at his remark so he starts snickering too. "Alright, I beat you two, again." 

"Well, damn son," Cody says. "I don't think I've ever beaten you in a racing game before."

"Probably not, if you think driving through a fence is the fastest way." 

"Oh, shut up," he says, playfully shoving Gerard. 

"Hey, guys. We got pizza downstairs if you're hungry," Lynn says. "My mother just texted me that. Want some?"

"Hell yeah," Amelia says and hops off the bed, snagging Jenna's arm. 

The three of us eat dinner together and laugh over their stories. Compared to my friend group, I'm much less disconnected from them and I've only known them two days, hell, some of them only a few hours. But I could see myself fitting in here, at least, I would want to. Jenna is so sweet and so in Amelia. Lynn is a bad ass and Cody is really funny, really sassy too. Then there's Gerard. I know the least about him but nevertheless, I enjoy him company. I remember this morning however, his friends made a weird comment about him. They sounded off with him, they weren't sure about him. I know it's not my place to get involved in with his privet life but dismissing the matter at "it's complicated" typically means its actually very simple, what's difficult is coming to terms with it. 

Around 8, we start heading out to leave, saying bye to Lynn. The night air is rather cold but I do my best to ignore it. I have a jacket on so it could be worst. "Cody? Can I ride shotgun?" Amelia asks.

"That's Gerard's seat when I'm driving, talk to him."

Amelia looks at Gerard and smiles widely and exaggerated. He cracks a grin. "Sure, why not?"

"Yay! Thank you," she hops in and Gerard sits on the other side of Jenna. Amelia connects her phone to the AUX cord and starts scrolling through her music. We listen to The Cab on the way back to my house. 

On my street, Cody pulls into one of the driveways. "Cody, this isn't my house, it's further down," I say. He turns around and looks at me. 

Gerard sits forward. "Wait, Frank, you live on this street?" I direct my attention to him and give a small nod. "Oh, you're the ones who just moved in. This is my house,"

A smile forms on my face. "No kidding," I say. 

"Well, that's rad. I'll see you guys tomorrow," he replies and gets out of the car. 

"I love you, Gee!" Amelia screams from the front seat. 

"Yeah, love you!" Jenna says back.

He smiles at her. "Love you, too, girls. Thanks again, Cody." He shuts the door and shuffles his hands in his jacket pocket then walks up to his house. 

"Which is your house, Frank?" 

"It's the grey on five down," I say. Cody backs out and then drops me off. We say our farewells and I grab my backpack out of his car before heading inside. I actually had fun, genuine fun. Maybe I do know what it means to have friends after all.


	3. October 1st

        Jenna McDougall has to be my best friend. I don't know what it is but she has to be the sweetest girl on this Earth. When I first met her, I felt she was just being polite but she genuinely cares about me as her friend and it's the first time someone actually thought I mattered to them. It wasn't long before she brought me to her lunch table. I sat a small table with Jenna, Amelia, Cody, and Gerard and the five of us would laugh and have a good time together. Part of me was uneasy being their friend but these guys, I love them all. They're so fun and full of life, they actually give a shit about each other and are aware of their friends' feelings. They're just a good group of people and I'm glad they were so forthcoming in accepting me into their group.   
        The closer I got to them, the better I felt overall. It didn't matter what kind of shit show I walked in on at home because I knew that the next morning, no matter how ungodly the hour was, I'd go to school and hang out with a lot of good people who I knew cared about me. Though I didn't know them for more than a month, I never felt more relieved to be someone's friend. With my "friends" back home, I couldn't stand spending two consecutive weekends with them, it would wear me down so quickly. Now, I just feel so much better around them. I can laugh for no reason for hours at a time and talk about the same bands with each other. They were nice to me, something I wasn't used to people doing so much. 

        Today, however, I noticed it. I truly realized the underlying secret to the surface of their friendship. While they are amazing people, there is something off about them. I was sensing it when I first met them, something small. The reason I didn't think too much about it was that I didn't know them too well so I assumed my confusion was just due to being new. However, it doesn't seem like the case anymore. Today proved there was way more than meets the eye.   
        Maybe it was a chain reaction, which is why today was a particularly bad day. One thing led to another type of deal. I was aware of Brendon's situation with his girlfriend but the other problems became a lot more noticeable. Jenna wasn't at school. Hayley was distant. And something changed in Gerard. When Jenna didn't meet up with me before first hour like we usually do, I didn't think too much about it, I mean, people get sick and they have to take a day off. But in guitar class, going through roll call, the instructor marked her absent but Lynn seemed distraught.   
        "Jenna sick again?" Brendon asks her.   
        Lynn nods her head. "First hour, Cody told me she was back in the hospital," she whispers softly. I look at Lynn hearing this and my mouth drops open. Lynn looks at me and gives a small shake in her head. She doesn't want to talk about it so I better not ask.   
        "How's Cody taking it?" Patrick asks.   
        "Eh, you know how hospitals make him. He's been in them enough already," Lynn says. "But he's also with Gee now and...things are blowing up around us and Cody's taking it hard."  
        I tried not worrying about it but hospitals aren't exactly the place without fear or worries. People don't just go to the hospital for no reason. If someone is sick, they see a doctor. I never realized something was wrong with Jenna and now I'm wondering about Cody too. Guitar class isn't the same today. Hayley sits further away from us, barely strumming her guitar. It's as if she's trying to hide, wearing a baggy hoodie and keeping her head down. I tried talking to her but she dismissed the conversation quickly by giving one worded answers.   
        My morning really bummed me out but I was looking forward to the rest of the day. I have history with Gerard and he happens to be the guy who sits in next to me. We were working on our papers now and with the partner project coming up, I was hoping he would want to work with me. Usually, when I walk in the room, he's already there, drawing and when I sit down, we start talking but today was different. His desk was cleared off, no drawing. His head was on his desk and his arms folded over. "Hey, you," I say, playfully nudging his desk with my foot. He doesn't say anything. "You good?" I ask.  
        "Yeah," he grumbles.   
        "What's wrong?" I ask. I put a hand on his shoulder but he shifts away. "Gerard?"  
        "It's nothing," he says. "Sorry, Frank. I just...I'm tired." He puts his head back down and that's the end of our conversation. Usually, we walk together after class but as soon as the bell rings, he's gone. I felt sick to my stomach. I know Gerard probably didn't mean to upset me but that hurt. I always look forward to talking to him and that killed me inside.   
        At lunch, it was just Amelia and I. "Where's Cody and Gerard?" I ask her, sitting down across from her.   
        "Cody's with Gee right now," she says. "He's keeping him company."  
        "Well, where's Gerard?" I ask again.   
        She thinks about it for a moment. "I don't know," she says. "Either in one of the art rooms or the guitar room. Those are the places he feels safe in." I look at her worried and she tries to put on a smile for me. "He's going to be okay, don't worry too much." I nod but that doesn't mean I stop worrying. I was hoping things would be better at lunch but it wasn't. 

        At the end of the day, I rush out and met up with the others. Patrick already left to go to work. Cody, Gee, and Amelia are still here. "Hey, guys," I say. Gerard keeps his head down scrolling on his phone.   
        "You want a ride home, Frank?" Cody offers.   
        I look at him and then glance back at the others. I had a really bad day and just want to be alone. "Thanks but I think I'll walk home today. It's rather nice out for being October," I say.   
        "Okay," he says. Gerard looks up at me and we lock eyes for a second. He looks worried but he then glances back down at his phone.  
        "Mind if I join you?" Amelia asks.   
        "Not at all," I reply. Amelia's natural cheeriness might do my some good.  
        "Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Cody says. He puts a hand on Gerard's shoulder and the two of them head to the car while Amelia and I walk home.   
        "I know you're upset, Frank," Amelia says as we leave the school parking lot.   
        "Are you guys okay?" I ask, looking at her. "What's going on? What's wrong with Jenna? What happened to Gerard? What's going on?"  
        Amelia glances down. "I wanted to walk with you because I wanted to talk. I know you're closest with Jenna. I'm heading over to her house later tonight. I think she'll appreciate you coming too."  
        "I thought she was in the hospital," I say.   
        "She was last night but she's home now. Got back this afternoon. She has eczema so when she breaks out in rashes, she needs to take bleach baths."   
        I stumble over the curb. "Oh my god. Is she okay?"  
        "Yeah, she's okay. It's just, emotionally hard for her and Cody."  
        "Cody's worried about her."  
        "Yeah, he hates knowing his sister is in the hospital. He's been in those enough."  
        "Lynn said something like that earlier. What does that mean?" I ask. We cross the street and walk on the sidewalk in the suburbs of my neighborhood.  
        "Well, his best friend is Gerard and he's always supportive of him so..."  
        "What?" I ask. "Is Gerard okay?" How could I not have realized all this between my friends?  
        Amelia ponders for a moment. "Well, he's okay it's just...Frank, I really can't tell you."  
        "Why not?" I ask, even though it's rude to demand to know. I'm not entitled to know anything that isn't my own business but that doesn't mean I don't want to know.  
        "Well, to be honest, I myself don't know," she says. "I just-there's something going on and I really don't know. Gerard clearly hates talking about it but he said that he himself is fine, whatever that means. The only people he's told apparently is Cody and I think Jenna recently found out but neither of them will break Gerard's trust. The only way you can find out is if he tells you."  
        "The rest of you really don't know? He wouldn't tell you guys, but you're like best friends."  
        "Yeah, I know. But whatever it is, it's really hard for him to talk about. I just know he himself is okay, it's I think a problem at home though. I don't know anything else." A problem at home? Maybe Gerard and I have a lot more in common than I thought. "Anyways, Cody is going to be okay and so is Jenna and hopefully Gerard too."

        I wait for my parents to come home but it's hours later. Part of me wonders if I should just go over to Jenna's house without telling them but I know it will only cause them to get in another fight. It's 8 o'clock when my mother finally gets home. "Where were you?" I asked rather annoyed she didn't call me to say she was running late. "I made dinner nearly two hours ago."  
        "Oh, I'm sorry. I stopped to eat on the way home from work," she says. "Your father here yet?"  
        "No, I haven't heard from him either." She nods and walks past me. "I wanted to go visit my friend today, you didn't answer when I called you."  
        "Well, I was a little busy, sweetie and it's too late now. You'll see them tomorrow," she says.   
        "She's not going to school. She was in the hospital, that's why I wanted to visit her."  
        My mom stops and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "Oh, sweetie. Is she okay?"  
        "I hope so," I reply. "Is it still too late?" My mother thinks for a moment. "Please, she doesn't live far away,"  
        "I don't think so, Frank. You can visit her tomorrow."   
        "Okay," I mutter disappointed and head up to my room. As soon as the door shuts, I let the tears fall down my face. I'm not even upset about Jenna. Well, I am but I'm angry about a lot of things. I really wanted to visit her and I also wanted to see Cody. I'm still upset about how terrible today was and how lonely I felt. Only to come home and my parents leave me worried for hours not responding to my texts. I just feel so alone sometimes and I hate it.   
        I pack my bag for the next school day and then shower, brush my teeth and change into the clothes I'm wearing tomorrow. I'm too tired int eh morning to worry about dressing when I wake up so I just do it the night before and save myself some time. It's 9:30 when I hear my dad step in the house. Not even a minute later, the yelling starts.   
        "Where the hell were you?" my mother hollers from downstairs, loud enough for me to hear even with my door shut.   
        "I just got home, how about a proper greeting?" my father snaps back at her.   
        I frantically grab my phone and earbuds, turning my music on to block out the fighting. I shut off the lights and dive into my bed, burrowing under the covers. I want it to stop. Why can't they be happy like they were when I was a little kid? Like how they were when we still lived in New Jersey? They fell in love and they married each other. They used to love each other. How could they forget that? How could they always fight like this and still be married?   
        I shut out the world and listen to my music. Halfway through Green Day's new album, my door gives a little shudder. I learned shortly after we moved here if one of the outside doors downstairs is slammed shut, my door, if closed, with a shudder. I slowly take out my earbuds and hear a car driving away. One of them left again. My door shudders a second time. What the?  
        I hop out of my bed and open the door. It's quiet downstairs. Tiptoeing in the hallway, I sneak into the kitchen. The lights are still on but they aren't home anymore. After opening the garage door, I see both of their cars are gone. "Fuck you guys!" I scream into the empty garage and slam the door shut. I take out my phone and turn it on but I don't know what to do or who to talk to so I turn it back off. I run up to my room and I throw myself on the bed. What do I even do? I take my phone out and start calling Jenna. I hope she's still awake but if she's not, I hope I don't wake her up.   
        "Frank?" she says when she answers. "Hey, Amelia said you were going to come over but you didn't."  
        "S-sorry, Jen-na," I tremble.   
        "Oh, gosh. What's wrong?" she asks. "Frank?"  
        They wouldn't notice if I was missing. Hell, they wouldn't even care if I was gone. "C-can I come over? I know it's really late but I just...please?"  
        "Yeah, of course. Are you in danger?"  
        "N-no, not like that. I'm just alone and I'm..."  
        "It's okay. Come over. Go into my back yard, I'll meet you there, okay? Cody and I will sneak you in but even if my dad does see you, he won't be mad. He's very understanding. Are you going to go back home tonight?"  
        I bite my lip, thinking. "I don't want to," I reply.   
        "Bring you backpack then. Cody will take you to school tomorrow."  
        "Th-thank you," I whisper, wiping my eyes again.   
        "Don't mention it, see you soon."   
        I hang up and grab my phone charger, disconnecting it from my wall and shoving it in my backpack. I look around and don't think I need anything else so I grab my bag and I leave, walking to Jenna's house.   
        The walk helps me calm down, clear my head and the fresh air helps too. I love my parents but I hate them for doing a lousy job. All they do is fight and forget about me. If I was 10, I wouldn't know how to take care of myself and I would depend on them. Granted, I know how to make myself dinner and do my laundry but I still need them around sometimes. Of course, I don't matter to them as much as some kids matter to their parents.   
        When I get to Jenna's house, she's sitting on her front porch waiting for me. "Frank," she says, standing up. Her arms and legs are completely bandaged up from her ankles to her hips and from her wrist to her shoulders. She has medical tape on her neck holding gauze in place.   
        "Jenna, are you okay?" I ask running over to her.  
        "Yeah, I just had a break out again but I was treated and should be fine for a while."  
        "Can I hug you?" I ask.  
        "Oh, yeah, don't worry." I gently wrap my arms around her and hug her carefully.   
        "I won't be in school tomorrow but I will be next week," she says. "Come on," she takes my hand and leads me to her backyard. It's rather massive, a large pond with decorative rocks and plants around. There's a large in-ground swimming pool and a finished patio. "You can climb, right?" she asks me.  
        "Huh?" I ask. She takes out her phone and starts texting real quick. After a couple seconds, she turns it off and puts it back in her pocket.   
        "How else am I to get you without waking up my dad?" she asks. She looks up and I follow her line of sight. The attic on the fourth floor has the light on and I see someone's silhouette lean over the balcony. Jenna waves at them and the person starts lowering a rope ladder. Huh, she wasn't kidding about the ladder. "Alright, please, Frank, do not fall." She starts climbing up the ladder, angling her legs so she can maneuver in the bandages. After she's up about 10 feet, I throw my backpack over both shoulders and I follow her up. It's rather sturdy, like the expensive type you would buy from the fire safety section in a store. Then again, they don't really need to worry costs since they live in this type of house.  
        Cody takes Jenna's hand and helps her climb over the side of the balcony and then he helps me. "Hey, man," he says when I'm on the ground. "You good?" he asks, holding my shoulder.   
        "Yeah, thank you again." He starts rolling the ladder up and Jenna and I head into the attic. "I'm sorry I didn't come over earlier," I say.   
        "Oh, Frank. Don't feel bad about that," she says.   
        Cody walks past us and starts heading downstairs. "Hey, Frank, you staying the night here?"  
        "Um, probably, if that's okay," I say.   
        "Totally. Gerard's here too so I doubt my mom will mind. I'll drive you to school, too, okay?"  
        "Thanks, it means a lot."  
        "No problem." He heads downstairs and Jenna and I look at Jenna.   
        "When did this start?" I ask, gesturing to her bandages.   
        "Oh, I had it when I was little," she says. "Usually people grow out of eczema but I'm one of those rare cases where I don't and I also have it pretty bad but we're trying to fix me." I look at her sympathetically and she smiles gently. "Don't worry, Frank. I'm okay. Here, let's go to my room."  
        The two of us head downstairs to Jenna's room and we sit on her bed together talking. It's after midnight and while she can sleep in all day, I still have to go to school tomorrow. It's going to be a bitch waking up early but I don't care. It's Friday tomorrow so it'll be okay.   
        "What happened at home?" she asks softly, lying back on her pillow. I bite my bottom lip and fidget with my hands. "You don't have to tell me but I hope you know I'm here for you."  
        "My parents...they-" I don't know what to say. "They neglect me, not like badly. I have a house and food and I go to school but they ignore me, they forget about me. Neither of them tell me what's going on, they get home really late, ignore me, fight with each other and then they both left the house going separate ways. I just..." My eyes start stinging again and I take a deep breath. "I didn't want to be alone anymore."  
        "I'm here for you, don't ever feel that you're alone."   
        "Can I ask you something?" I look up at her.   
        "Possibly," she smiles.   
        "You don't need to answer this too if it's too personal. Why did you and Cody's parents' divorce?"  
        She glances down uneasy. "Oh, that's not really personal, I guess. Um," she runs her fingers through her bangs. "Well, with Cody, his parents are still on good terms. His dad wanted a divorce to help Cody and his mom."  
        "How would that be better?" I ask.  
        "Well, there's no easy way to put this. His father smokes and he got lung cancer because of it. Stage three by the time the doctors found it. There wasn't really anything they could do besides prolong his life a few years. His dad didn't stop smoking though. So he didn't want Cody to grow up watching his father die in a hospital and he didn't want to be a burden on his wife. They divorced when Cody was 4 and a few years later, his mom met my dad and they married." Jenna glances down, her bangs fall in front of her face. "And for my parents, well, they never really got a divorce." I put a hand on Jenna's wrist and look at her sincerely. Her eyes are slightly red and I sense her tearing up. "My mom left when I was 7." She gives her head a shake and she swallows. "No explanation, just one day, she was gone. All her clothes were still here, her belongings, her cell phone, wallet. It's like she just fell off the face of the Earth. We tried calling her family but they didn't know anything. My dad, he was just going crazy trying to find her but we never did." Jenna sniffles and wipes her eyes. "I don't see her family anymore, haven't in years. I don't know why she would leave us like that."  
        "Come here," I say and hug her tightly.   
        Jenna rests her head on my shoulder and takes a shaky breath. "Part of me feels guilty for her leaving, that I was the reason..."  
        "Don't say that, Jenna."  
        "It's just what I feel. If my mom really loved me, she wouldn't have left." I don't know what to say, I just hug her tightly and comfort her the best I can. "It's okay, I'm okay," she says, wiping her eyes.  
        "You're a good person, don't let anyone else make you feel otherwise."  
        "Thank you, same goes for you, Frank."  
        "What do you mean?" I ask.   
        Jenna sits up and brushes her hair out of her face. "Your parents, don't ever let them make you feel like you inferior. You're not in this alone. We're all here for you I hope you know."  
        "You guys are so nice to me," I say. "I have to admit, back in Jersey, I didn't have real friends. I realize that now because I now know you aren't supposed to hate your friends. I barely trusted them, I felt hanging out with them was a chore and they were jerks to me and each other. I just, I felt so alone and always thought I was introverted but now I see they were just assholes. You guys, you're good people."  
        "We're all a bunch of broken nobodies, Frank. We know life sucks so we try making it easier by appreciating each other."  
        "Can I ask you...what's everybody's story?" Jenna pauses for a minute, looking at me for elaboration. "There's something about you all that makes you special, makes you know that life isn't worth living as an asshole. You said you're all broken nobodies...what is everyone's story behind that?"  
        "Well, there's me. Mom left and I have a stupid skin disease. There's Cody. His parents had an easy divorce, no fighting but he grew up knowing his dad was dying and he only can visit him in hospitals. I believe you are somewhat aware of Brendon's situation with Audrey?"  
        "Yeah, she's controlling him?"  
        "Along those lines arguably," she says. "Patrick, he can't hang out with us as often as we usually do because he has to work a lot. His parents are financially struggling so he's doing his best to help out." I nod along listening to her. "Amelia is doing good for the most part. Nothing really is hurting her besides seeing us struggling. Hayley I think is okay as well, she never seems distressed. Lynn..."  
        "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."  
        "Well, it's just, things are complicated with me and her." I raise my eyebrows at her saying 'complicated'. "Frank?" she asks, looking up at me. "Are you gay?"  
        "What?" I exclaim. "No!"  
        "I wasn't trying to offend you, just simply asking," she replies softly.   
        "Oh," I say.   
        "I don't care if you are I hope you know. You don't need to worry about that. I'm bi so it would be stupid for there to be a problem."  
        "Y-you are?" I ask shocked.   
        "Yeah, like 60-40, leaning to girls," she explains. "Are you okay with that?"  
        "Oh, of course," I tell her. "You're still my best friend."  
        She smiles sweetly at me. "Can I tell you something? I've only told one other person and it was Amelia and I want to tell you too because I think you would be like my guy best friend."  
        "Anything."  
        "Lynn and I...we're dating."  
        "Really?" I smile at her. "That's so cute. How long?"  
        She giggles. "Well, over the summer we got really close and that's when I confessed I liked her and she told me she was gay but her parents would kick her out if they ever found out so it's like, really secretive."  
        "Oh, I won't tell a soul," I say. "Only Amelia knows?"  
        "She's the only one I told. Although, I have a feeling Cody and Gee figured it out, but they kept it to themselves. Lynn hasn't told anyone because she's paranoid."  
        "You guys are adorable," I say. "Jenna, I um...I didn't know that about you."  
        "It's okay, it's not like I advertise it often."  
        "No, I mean, I didn't know you were that...accepting. I, yeah, you're right, I was lying. I am kinda..." I trail off at the end. Biting my lip, I try to spit out the words but I falter. I've denied this fact my whole life, it's nearly impossible to say out loud.  
        "You like boys?" she finishes for me, noticing me struggling. I nod my head, blushing madly. "That's perfectly okay."  
        "I-I never told anyone that before,' I whisper. I look up at her and she smiles gently, wiping away my tears. "For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me."  
        "Frank, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you," she reassures me.   
        "My parents, well, my dad was always pointing out I never had a girlfriend before so last year, I started dating his girl. Her name was Candace and she was really nice but I just didn't feel connected to her and I thought something was wrong with me. I tried being with her and I don't know, I was really uncomfortable dating her. My friends would make comments how I scored on a hot girl but I didn't feel that way. We dated for a while and we got pretty far in the relationship but I couldn't feel anything towards her. We broke up when she found out I was moving because long distance relationship ever worked and it would be easier sooner than later." Jenna listens to me sympathetically. "I was actually relieved she did it. I wouldn't be able to bring myself in breaking her heart. She was too sweet but I couldn't be in the relationship any longer."  
        "You shouldn't have to be with someone in order to make someone else happy other than yourself. If you don't want to be with someone, you shouldn't have to be," Jenna says.   
        "I know that now," I say.   
        "Well, the others won't dislike you for that. They know about me and Brendon is also bi."  
        "So the others are straight?" I ask.  
        "I mean, the only ones who ever technically confirmed it was Amelia and Patrick so technically, the others are fair game." I laugh softly with Jenna. "But I won't tell anyone without your permission."  
        "Thank you," I say. Jenna lies down in her bed. "Going to sleep?"  
        "I am tired, and you are going to school tomorrow so you should get some rest."  
        "Okay, where do you want me-"  
        "Eh, I don't care if you share my bed with me. It's big enough for four people, I've tried it," she giggles. "If you're uncomfortable sleeping next to me, I'll show you the spare room."  
        "No, I'm good. I just wanted to make sure you were," I say.   
        "Well, you just told me you weren't attracted to girls but even if you were, I wouldn't feel threatened by you. You're my friend after all." I lie next to Jenna and slide under he blanket. She shoves two of her pillows toward me and then turns off the lamp on her nightstand. "Night, Frank," she says, laying down and leaning on my shoulder.   
        I smile warmly. Even though I have no romantic feelings for Jenna McDougall, I still love her. She's my best friend and even though today was particular bad, she made it so much better. She made me feel not alone and she accepts me so forthcoming for who I am. I close my eyes and falls asleep next to her.


	4. October 2nd

        When my alarm goes off, I actually want to die. With burning eyes, I shut it off and flop back down on Jenna's mattress. She's cuddled up next to me wrapped around my arms. "Warmth," she murmurs. I glance over my shoulder at her. She's snuggled up with messy hair in her face, rather cute looking. I smile and slowly take my arm back from her and creeping out of her bed. I just need to comb my hair and probably wash my face.   
        Wandering down the hall, I find Jenna's bathroom a few rooms over. I think the best thing about this is her soap, it smells so fresh. Apples and cinnamon. After I'm ready, I head back to her room to grab my bag but Cody's in there. He's tucking her back in, pulling the blanket up and pushing her leg back on the mattress, moving her to the center of the bed so she doesn't roll off. When he turns and sees me, he gives a smile and points to my bad. I nod and Cody picks it up and carries it out for me. "Hey," he whispers when we leave Jenna's room and he quietly shuts her door. "We have eggs and waffles for breakfast."  
        "Oh, I usually don't eat in the morning," I comment.   
        The two of us start walking down the closest staircase. "That's terrible, why not?"  
        "Parents are arguing in the kitchen. I just want to leave. Plus, I walk to school so I don't have time."   
        "You don't live far away, I could pick you up so you could eat something," he offers.  
        I wave him off as he leads me down the hall. "Nah, I just want to get out of the house. All they do is yell and..I just.."  
        "Well, I could pick you up and bring you here. You can eat with us."  
        "That's-really nice of you," I say.   
        "Don't stress about it. It seems you got enough going on at home." We walk in the kitchen and their parents are sitting with Gerard eating breakfast. "Morning, Jim," Cody says.   
        "Hello, who's this?" his dad asks."  
        "This is Jenna and my friend Frank," he says.   
        "Hi, nice to meet you," I say awkwardly. I technically snuck into their house when they were asleep. However, they don't seem to think too much of a problem.   
        "Ah, Jenna's mentioned you before. You have a lot of classes with her, yes?" his mom says.   
        "Yeah, guitar and lunch and English," I say.   
        "And gym," Cody adds.   
        "Wonderful," she replies, taking her and her husband's dishes. "Well, have a good day in school. And Gerard," Gerard looks up at her and smiles politely, "I have this for your family." She takes an envelope out with his name in fancy calligraphy writing on the outside. Gerard Way.   
        "Oh, no. I couldn't-"  
        "Please accept this, I hope everything's working out, okay? You tell Donna she can always call me." Gerard takes the envelope and examines it without opening it. "I'll see you later." Their dad leaves the room and grabs the car keys. Cody's mother kisses his forehead and hugs him goodbye. "Nice meeting you, Frank. You'll have to come over for dinner one of these days."  
        "Oh, thank you," I say. They two of them leave and it's just Cody, Gerard and I.   
        "Do you want waffles or eggs?" Cody offers, grabbing me a plate.   
        "Just waffles, I try not to eat meat."  
        "Vegetarian?"  
        I shrug. "Kind of?"  
        "That's okay, Jenna's a vegetarian so we make accommodations." He hands me my breakfast and we finish up. Gerard's still sitting in his chair twirling the unopened envelope. I want to know what's going on with him but considering he hasn't told the rest of his friend group, I feel I shouldn't even ask. I mean, Cody only knows because they're best friends and seems Cody's mom knows his family. And Jenna recently found out but Gerard sees her like his little sister.   
        Seeing Gerard sitting there, I could tell he didn't get a lot of sleep. his eyes are red and puffy, his hair a little on the messy side as if he didn't fully fix it but ran his fingers through it so it's "good enough". Cody looks rather tired too but not nearly as much as Gerard. Whatever's going on, Cody probably stayed up late to comfort him but staying up late seems like a rarity. For Gerard, an every night habit. 

        The two of us converse while we finished up and then we head out and go to school. Despite being drained, it's a nice morning. They air's a little frigid but I have a jacket for a reason and the sun was shining. I sit in the back seat, closing my eyes. Cody's car is really nice and I could fall asleep in here like a baby. The two of them talk and I mostly just listen to them. They're very lively when they tell me about their lives. Cody's an excellent storyteller, his voice is really cool and he has a really contagious laugh. Then there's Gerard, giving your daily dose of sassy commentary. Cody tells me about their year in chemistry. The two of them were lab partners and accidentally set their experiment on fire.  
        "And so! I guess the teacher gave us defective foil because the whole thing was tarnished," Cody exclaims.   
        "Meaning, Cody screwed it up," Gerard mutters.   
        "No, it was ripped, Gee."  
        "Yeah, you ripped it."  
        "Whatever. So, I put it over the little torch and it just blew up and we were freaking out-"  
        "I was rather calm," Gerard interjects.  
        "Shh!" Cody laughs, waving his hand in front of Gerard's face to shut him up. "Not my fault."  
        "Ya huh, keep telling yourself that, bud." We arrive at the school and park relatively close. Gee takes his phone out after he unbuckles and turns it oh. "Shit," he mutters.   
        Cody looks at him. "Everything okay?" he asks.   
        "Huh?" Gerard looks up at him. "Oh, yeah." He shakes his head. "No, not that." Cody slowly nods. "Uh, Brendon, Patrick, and Hayley have a field trip for their one science class. They're not going to be here. Plus, Jenna's staying home."  
        "Oh, yeah that sucks," Cody says.   
        We all get out of the car and start walking to the school together. "My study hall is going to be quiet," I say as we walk in. I realize I'm much shorter than the two of them.   
        "Oh, that's right. You have it with them. Wait, that's our study? You have work you need to do today?" Gerard asks.   
        "No," I scoff, "it's first hour."  
        "You want to come down to the art room with Cody and I today?"  
        "I don't have a pass," I explain.  
        "No, it's cool. Our teacher's chill. She'll give you one if I ask her to," he says. I look at hi uneasy. "Oh, it'll be fun! Come on, I'm her favorite student, she adores me."  
        "Maybe, I'm not really an artist."  
        "Do you like art? Like, you think it's cool?" There's a smirk on his face.   
        "I mean, yeah-"  
        "Then you're coming with us."

        Gerard and Cody take me to the art studio before class and I meet their teacher Ms. Gina. She's a very spiritedly woman with big, curly hair, wearing a summer dress and leggings. "Oh, you guys are in early," she says walking over to them.   
        "Gina, could you write my friend a pass?" Gerard asks. "My buddy Frank is in study hall and has nothing to do, please?"  
        Ms. Gina walks over to us. "Oh, I don't know, he's not one of my students," she says.   
        "It's okay," I say waving off.   
        "Oh, come one," Gerard smiles holding his hands out.   
        "Mmm, Frank, do you like art?" she asks.   
        "I think it's cool," I reply.  
        "Well, that's good enough for me," she says. "Come here."  
        "You're the best!" Gerard calls out to her, following her to her desk with me.  
        "Yeah, I know," she laughs. "What's your name, Frank?"  
        "Iero," I say. She looks at me a little confused. "I-E-R-O," I spell out. "I'm in study hall with Mr. Cee."  
        "Got it," she writes. "Well, go sign out and come right back."  
        "Thank you," I reply and I glance at Gerard. He winks at me and I nervously laugh. It's rather a long walk to go all the way up to the science rooms and then back down to the art wing into the studio. But it's better than just sitting at my desk by me. I come back into the room and find Gerard, Cody, and Lynn sitting together at a table. The seat next to Lynn and across from Gerard is empty so I sit with them. "Hi," I reply.   
        "Hey, Frank," Lynn says, drawing with a ruler. "That's Jenna's seat so if you come back next week, you'll have to sit on the end between her and Gee."  
        "Got it, what are you guys working on?" I ask.   
        "Horseshit," Cody replies.   
        "Oh, shut up," Gerard says. "Just because you hate this assignment doesn't make it bad."  
        "Bro, I think everyone but you hates this project," Cody says then looks up at me. "We're doing a pen and ink drawing of some nature scene."  
        "That seems cool," I reply.   
        "I know, right?" Gerard says, then glances at Cody smugly.   
        "He. Didn't. Practice." Cody says. "It was torture!"  
        "Yes, well, it makes you better," Ms. Gina replies walking by.   
        "Eh, you know how I feel about this project."  
        "Well, Cody, you're getting better," she says looking at his assignment sheet.

        So far, the art class has done practice sheets of shading templates with the ink pen. There's hatching, cross-hatching, scrumbling, and stippling. Hatching is shading by making parallel lines, cross-hatching is shading with perpendicular lines. Scrumbling is virtually shading by scrubbing and stippling is pointillism. Shading is also apparently the death of them all.   
        "I hate this," Cody mutters under his breath.   
        "I know you do," Gerard replies twirling his pen in his hand.   
        "Well, you don't care," Lynn says. "You've finished the practice long ago and you also started without a grid on your canvas." Gerard just shrugs. He purses his lips together and stares intently at his photograph. It's a black and white picture of a deserted forest over a bridge. There's an eerie feeling from the photo but there's so much detail in his reference photo compared to Cody's and Lynn's. Lynn has a waterfall and Cody is a lone tree on a cliff side.   
        The look in Gerard's eyes, the way he's staring at the photo, he's completely absorbed in his element. His delicate fingers hold his chalk as he lightly outlines his drawing. His tongue sticks out a little bit as he sketches. His focus is on his work and his tiredness, his stress, all of the worry trapped in his hazel eyes diminishes. There's pure wonder in his eyes, he's lost in the art. And I think I'm lost in him. 

        The bell is soon to ring in five minutes and Cody is slowly growling in frustration. He's completing the last box on his template but it's the stippling. With rapid tapping of his pen, his eyes are practically bugging out of his eyes as he tries to finish the practice sheet before class ends. "I have faith in you, Cody," Lynn says, fixing her outline.  
        "AHhhh!" he groans. "My hand is dead."  
        "I relate to your hand," Gerard mutters to himself. He finished the chalk outline a few minutes ago and now he's starting in the upper left and working his way out. It looks pretty good so far.   
        "I hate you, Gerard," Lynn says, looking at his sketch.   
        "I know," he laughs. She sighs and starts erasing the grid again and he caps his marker. "Come here," he says, getting up and walking over her side. "You don't need a grid."  
        "Yes, I do. How else am supposed to know where everything goes in reference to the photo?" she asks. "I can't get the proportions right."  
        "No, stop," he says, taking the ruler from her hand. "Forget about the ruler, okay? Look at me." She lets it go and gives it to him, which he slides on the other side of the table. "You don't need a grid, Lynn. Art is free form, not replication. You don't need to make it exactly like the photo, you make it better. Don't worry about accuracy. While replication is a talent, it's not what you need to worry about."  
        "Gee, I need a grid to do it right."  
        He shakes his head. "No, there is no right and wrong; it's art."  
        "Tell that to Ms. Gina when she gives me a low grade if I don't use the grid."  
        "Gina grades on composition and effort, not art itself. Come here." Gerard picks up his chalk and puts in in Lynn's hand. "Where's your picture?" he asks. He glances at the waterfall and then takes hold of her hand. "You have a waterfall, water is fluid so your strokes need to me fluid." Holding her hand, he draws out the waterfall. "Grids trap you, you're putting a box around your abilities, you're restricting yourself. Come on, I thought Jenna would have thought you how to be limitless with art by now." She laughs lightly while Gerard moves her hand over the canvas. "Water is free, you can't have a grid. Big movements, make mistakes, be messy." He falls back into the work, lost again. I look at Lynn and she's staring at Gerard again. Gee has the shadow of a grin on his face, his tongue hovering over his bottom lip, his eyes fixated on the chalk. His movements are loose and broad, clearly exceeding the borders in the photo. "Just a little shrubbery over here and then the pool is around here. There, you're good!"  
        Gerard lets go of Lynn's hand and she looks over the canvas. It's a rough sketch of her waterfall. It's not accurate but it doesn't mean it's bad. "Thank you, Gee," she smiles.   
        "No problem," he replies, returning back to his seat when the bell rings.   
        "YES!" Cody exclaims. "Got this bitch done." He caps his pen and grabs his finished template and rushes over to Ms. Gina's desk. Gerard opens his leather portfolio and starts putting his papers inside. "See you in history, Frankie," he replies.   
        "Frankie?" I snap my head and look at him. He spins around on his heels and shrugs at me while walking backward toward the door. "I've never been called that before."  
        "You mind if I start?" he calls out.   
        I crack a grin at him. "Not at all."  
        "Sweet." He pops his earbuds in and then shoves his hands into his leather jacket and sways out of the room.   
        I laugh to myself and glance at Lynn. She puts the rest of her work in her art bin and returns it to the storage shelves. "To guitar," she says, walking down the music corridor to with me. I catch a glimpse at Gerard walking down the end of the hallway. I also catch myself smiling as I watch him head up the stairs two at a time. 

        It's only Lynn and me in guitar but I don't mind. I get a little closer to her and it's nice. "When did you get your electric?" I ask.   
        "Uh, I got it for my thirteenth birthday," she replies. "You have an electric?" she asks.   
        I sigh and shake my head. "See, over the summer, I was planning on getting a job so I cold save up for one. Between that, my birthday, and Christmas, I was hoping I could get enough to buy one before the next year."  
        "How much did you save up already?"  
        "Well, the thing is, I never got a summer job. We moved and the process of going from New Jersey to California isn't exactly easy. I had to go through my shit, throw a lot of my stuff out and then pack what I could take with. Then there's the 45-hour drive so that's a total of 3 days to get there and back including food and rest. And when we finally got here, I had to buy new shit for the house because we left most of my stuff back home."  
        "What did you get to bring?"  
        "Half my clothes, my acoustic, computer, a few belongings."  
        "Only half?" I nod. "What about your bed and stuff."  
        "Goodwill." Lynn looks at me with her mouth hanging open. "I bought new clothes so that was kind of cheered me up because none of my stuff is worn out. New band tees, I got this leather jacket with my mom and I wear this like every day. New shoes. And I got a new bedroom set, a bigger bed. Before I had a twin so I upgraded to a queen." She nods along, understanding the justification. "Granted, by the time we were all settled and everything, you all already started school. See, my school, we start really late so we got out June 20th."  
        "Are you serious?" she says. "Dude, we get out like May 25th But we start in August."  
        I nod. "Yeah, we start like September 7th. So, I was cut out a month of my summer from that." I shrug again. "I don't know, it is what it is."  
        "Well, you might be able to get some from your birthday and Christmas as you said."  
        "Nah, my hopes from there were like a little bonus. I would have to work to afford a guitar." She looks at me sympathetically. "I mean, I'll get some stuff from my relatives around the holidays."  
        "What about your birthday?"  
        "20 bucks most. I don't have birthday parties."  
        "What!" she cries.   
        I stare at her blankly. "What?" I echo.  
        "How do you not have birthday parties? Like, what do you do?"  
        "Nothing? Last year, I think I took a nap but it was like an hour because the doorbells kept ringing so I had to stop." Lynn looks at me again puzzled and I explain. "My birthday is October 31st, Halloween."  
        "No way! Are you serious?" I nod. "Oh, that's so cool. That's Jenna's and Gee's favorite holiday. Hell, that's like the coolest day ever because you can just dress up and weird crazy makeup and no one judges you." I smile at her enthusiasm. "You could have like Halloween themed birthday parties. Why don't you?"  
        I bite my lip and contemplate telling her. Well, I can say some. "My parents...they don't get along too well so parties get messy."  
        "Oh," she replies.   
        "Yeah, so I haven't really celebrated since I was like...7?" She looks at me again heartbroken. "It's okay, I don't really mind."  
        "You never went out with your friends?"  
        "Eh, I didn't like my friends back in Jersey. They were...a lot to handle."  
        "That's so sad," she says. "Oh, when it's one of our birthdays, we all call them at midnight and it's tradition where they have to turn off their phone because we're leaving a voicemail so they'll listen to them in the morning when they wake up. We then take them out to the mall and buy them whatever they pick out and we have dinner together at a buffet and we just have a good time."  
        "That's really sweet of you guys," I say.   
        "Yeah, it's a lot of fun always."

        The rest of class, Lynn teaches me how to play Queen. I only learn the chorus for the duration we had but it's pretty good so far. I run up to history after Lynn and I part ways. By the time I get up to the room, Gerard is already there and he's sketching again. That's a good sign he's doing better. "Hey, you," I say, taking my seat.   
        "Hi, Frankie," he says, putting away his drawing and then looking up at me. "Hey, sorry I was a jerk yesterday."  
        "Oh, don't worry about it," I tell him. Well, he brought this up let's see how far he'll go. "What happened?"  
        "Eh, I was just tired," he says.   
        "You're always tired though," I reply.  
        "Yeah, you're right. It's just..." he trails off, his eyes scanning the floor while he thinks of what to say. I lean forward, hoping he'll tell me what's going on. It's not that I'm nosy or anything. I just want him to get better, I want to help him and it's hard trying to help when I don't know what's going on. I want to be in his life and I want to be close with Gerard. He's a really cool person and I really want to be his friend. Gerard gives his head a small shake. "Never mind."  
        "No, what is it?" I ask. "I won't judge you, I swear." Gerard looks up at me, his eyes peeking through his bangs. "Do you trust me?"  
        "I-yeah. I trust you," he says nodding.   
        "Tell me?"  
        He parts his mouth opening. "I..." His voice breaks. I catch a gleam of fear in his eyes and in the rim, they're watery. His voice squeaks as he falters to speak. "I-don't-know." The confident guy he was just a minute ago faded away. Gerard looks really hurt right now.   
        "You-you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I quickly say. His eyes are soft and like a small child, full of worry. "I'm sorry I pushed."  
        "No, it's not your fault. Just...everything's messed up," he mumbles. His eyes water more and his jaw gives a small quiver.  
        "Gee?" He glances at me again and he forces himself to smile at me, though I can see he's hurt.  
        "I'll be okay," he says. "I myself and perfectly fine." A smile grows on his face.  
        "As if someone else isn't?" I inquire. Gerard sits back, lips mouth parts in the slightest and he looks shocked. "Wh-what?" I whisper. He looks as if I just insulted him.   
        "Did..." He shuts his mouth again, shaking his head. "No, they wouldn't have."  
        "Did what? Who?"  
        Gerard looks at me uneasily. The silence between us is painful but Gerard eases up. "I'm confusing you," he finally says. "I trust you anyways."  
        "Okay, class," the teacher says, walking into the room, "grab your backpacks. We're going to the computer labs to type our next paper. Let's go."   
        Everyone collectively stands and starts breaking out into small chatter. Gerard keeps his eyes on me while he grabs his bag. "Mind if I sit next to you today?"  
        "Uh, no?"  
        "Alright, cool." I don't bring it up again. He looked almost concerned at me. I try to shrug it off but it worries me as we walk down the hall. The last thing I'd want is to upset him. But when we get to the lab, he's the same. Spinning around in the chairs and playfully kicking my foot every two minutes. I smile and laugh at him and he laughs back.   
        "Gee, you're not getting any work down," I tell him while typing.   
        "Meow."  
        "Di-did you just meow?" I ask, looking at him. His feet are curled up on his seat and he's hugging his legs to his chest. "What are you doing?" I ask him.   
        "Trying to entertain myself," he replies.   
        "Or you could do your work," I suggest, raising an eyebrow.   
        "Yeah...but where's the fun in that?" I roll my eyes at him and return to typing. Gerard slides in the rolling chair behind me and then pulls me away from the keyboard.   
        "Gee?" I call out, looking back at him.   
        "I'm bored," he says. "Oh, and if I piss you off, just punch me in the face."  
        "What? No, I'm not going to punch you," I say.   
        "Well, like if I annoy you, then it's fine," he laughs, crossing his arms and smiling at me.   
        "I'm not hitting you, Gerard. You're my friend."  
        "Awe, how sweet," he says, kicking my chair. He then freezes up and stops, his smile fading away.  
        "Gee?" I ask, looking at him  
        "I'm sorry, Frankie," he replies, pushing me back to the keyboard. "I'm obnoxious."  
        "No, you're funny," I tell him. He gives me a small smile and then returns to his computer, finally starting his essay. I can see something came across his mind and he's upset again. However, he doesn't completely shut down again because every two minutes, he's still tapping my foot. And every time I glance at him when he kicks me, he puts on a straight face, keeping his eyes locked on his screen, pretending he doesn't know what happened. Although, as soon as I look away, I see him smirking to himself in my peripheral vision.


	5. October 4th

        Ironically, I'm actually a good student. I work pretty quickly in class so I rarely have any homework, considering I finish it all before school ends. Plus, I have study hall first so in the event I don't finish in class, I will the next morning. Typically, my Sundays involved sleeping in until 9 and then going for a walk. I try to enjoy the day before the week starts up again. However, today is untypical.   
        I stayed up late texting Jenna last night. It was around 3 in the morning when she told me she was heading to bed. I didn't see too much of it as a problem, figuring I could just sleep in. But I was awake at 7:30 am when my parents burst into WWIII. You know, I always thought WWIII was an ever day occurrence but today was different. It was actually hell.   
        In my sleepy haze, I try ignoring the yelling. I roll over, burying head under my pillow and do my best to shut out the screaming. After an agonizing amount of time, they yelling hasn't ceased, perhaps gotten louder. I throw myself out of bed and stumble to find my ear buds. Even with a closed door, it's still ridiculous. With less than three hours of sleep, I manage to find them on my desk. Hastily connecting it to my phone, I frantically turn on my music. Paradise Fears. They're soothing. I turn up the volume loud enough to drown out the sounds but low enough for me to fall back asleep. I'm so tried I don't have the strength to contemplate my family crisis. Lying back down, I try drifting off. The thing about falling asleep is you feel like you can't until you wake up. I only recall listening to three songs but before I knew it, I was half way through listening to a difference album.   
        My door slams open and I bolt out of bed, taking my earbuds out. "Let's go, Frank," my father growls at me.   
        "W-What?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.   
        "You fucking won't!" my mother screams in the hall. I hear her running up the stairs.   
        "We're leaving, get you shit," he says. I don't move, which makes him angry. "LET'S GO!" He grabs my arms and yanks my ass out of bed  
        "Alright!" I cry out, pulling away from him   
        My mother storms into to my room. "You're not taking him away from me!" she screams at him.  
        "You don't know how to be a good parent," my dad hollers back at her.   
        "You're not taking my baby away from me!" She looks at me.  "Frank, I-"  
        "He's not yours anymore." My dad grabs my mothers and pulls her away from me. I stand still, biting my lip. They've gotten into brawls before. My father doesn't believe in hitting women unless they strike you first. My mother has no problem in punching my dad though, meaning after she hits him, all bets are off.   
        "Son of a bitch, let me go."  
        "You're the one who dragged him into this mess. You don't love him."  
        "He's my child, of course, I love him!"   
        My dad wraps his arms around my mother's waist and pulls her away from me. "Frank," he says, looking in my direction. "Get your things, I'm taking you away."  
        "Where?" I ask.  
        "You're not taking him anywhere," my mother screams.  
        "Far away, you'll be better there. No more fighting. It'll be okay. You can start over again, isn't that what you wanted?"  
        "Yeah! But I got it already. I wanted to start over when we were in Jersey but I like it here."  
        "Things are changing and you've been here for less than a month. It won't be bad."  
        "SHUT UP! You're not taking him away!"  
        "Yes, I am!" he screams. "It's for his betterment."  
        "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME!" I scream, shutting them both up. I've never argued back at them before, let alone raised my own voice at them. They look at me confused. "You guys don't give a shit about me! All you do is fight and use me as leverage against each other. I'm not your son, I'm your status quo."  
        "Frank, sweetie, don't say that. I love you," my mother says. "You're my baby, my only child."  
        "You're my son," my father says but he looks back at my mom. "You make him feel unappreciated!"   
        "Don't put your faults onto me like that!" my mother screams, clocking my dad in the head. He slaps her in return. I can't take this anymore. I don't have time to find my earbuds or even my phone, I just run. I run past them and they don't even notice me fleeing into the hall, bounding down the stairs. I hate this. I hate them. I hate everything. I grab my jacket as I storm down the hallway and throw it on, slipping on my shoes. I run out the back door and leave, barely feeling my feet touching the ground and I didn't know it was possible for me to sprint this fast.   
        I'm not leaving. I love it here. The only problems in my life are my parents and having to worry about my friend's health. Other than that, I'm finally happy. They can't take me away, I finally found people I love. Jenna and Cody and Gerard and everyone else. I don't want to leave them. I don't want to start over again because chances are, I won't find people half as decent anywhere else than here. 

        People are out mowing their lawn, elementary school kids are running around on their driveway with colored chalks and their bicycles. Dog walkers stroll by and mother's push their babies in strollers. It's a beautiful day in the suburbs and then there's me, an emotional wreck teenager on the verge of having a mental break down. I make it to the end of my street before I can't breathe anymore. I never realized how long this road is until now. Thinking about it, it takes like 4 minutes to drive all the way down to the end of my street.  
        I stop running but I don't stop moving. I keep going forward, walking at a quick pace, desperately catching my breath. They don't even realize I'm gone. They didn't notice me run out and they didn't say anything to me when I ran out of the room. They really don't care.   
        "Frankie?" I look up and see Gerard walking toward me down one of the driveways.   
        "What are you doing here?" I ask defensively.   
        A smile curls on his lips. "I live here, remember?" he says. "What's wrong?"  
        "Nothing, just going for a walk. I always do on Sundays."  
        "Yeah, I know, I see you pass my house but what's wrong?"  
        "I said nothing," I reply. Gerard's now walking with me as we pass his house. I don't stop and he doesn't leave me alone.   
        "I don't think it's nothing considering you were running for your life earlier and kept looking over your shoulder," he says. "Besides, you look upset. What's wrong?" he asks again.  
        "Why is it when I ask you what's wrong, you can ignore me but if I'm having a bad day, you won't leave me alone?" I snap at him. I'm not angry at Gerard, I'm just angry in general. He looks at me hurt and I realize he's done nothing wrong. "I'm sorry, Gee," I say with a softer voice.   
        "No, you have a fair point. If I can drop it, you don't have to tell me since you don't want to."  
        "Thank you," I whisper.   
        "So, where are we headed then?"  
        "Away."  
        "How away are we talking?"  
        "Just, anywhere but here." There's a car driving up to us. I quickly turn around but it's neither of my parents.  
        Gerard places a heavy hand on my shoulder and stops walking, pulling me to a halt. "Are you okay? Like, are you safe or are you running from someone?"  
        "I'm good," I say.   
        Gerard purses his lip to the side and looks at me. "Who are you hiding from?" he asks. I don't say anything but he seems to understand well enough. "Come here, Frankie," he says, taking hold of my hand. I tense up and look at out fingers as he turns me around and leads me back.   
        "NO! Stop!" I yank my hand away. Anticipating him to resist, I overcompensate how much force I really needed to use to break free. Considering Gerard was holding my hand gently, I yanked too harshly and stumbled backward, practically smacking my head on the sidewalk when I fell on my ass. "Don't...don't take me back home!" I whisper, getting up slowly.  
        Gerard stares at me in shock. "I-I...I wasn't. I was going to take you to my house."   
        "Oh," I sigh.  
        "Frank?" Gerard walks over to me slowly and kneels down in front of me. "Hey, what happened?" he asks. I shake my head, avoiding his eyes. I know if I look at him, seeing the genuine concern in his soft eyes, I'll break. "I hope you know you can talk to me, okay?"  
        "I hate it..." I murmur.  
        "Hate what?" He puts his hand on my back.   
        "Everything."  
        "You hate everything?" he asks and I nod. "So you hate me and the sky and-"  
        "No," I whisper.  
        "So what do you hate?"  
        I look up at him. I never realized there's a bit of green in his eyes until now. Then again, I haven't been this close to Gerard before. "The screaming. The fighting." Gerard stares at me sympathetically, willing me with his eyes to tell him. "They ignore me," I finally say. "They don't notice when I leave the house or hear me when I talk. They just fight...." Gerard pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. That's when I can't take it anymore. I cry.   
        "It's okay, I've got you," he whispers. A car starts driving up to us and I pull away from Gerard looking down the road. Not them. "Come on, can I take you to my house?"  
        "I'd like that," I reply. Gerard looks at me, giving a soft smile. He cups my face and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. I can't help but laugh softly at his gesture. "Thank you."  
        "Don't mention it." 

        Gerard leads me to his house and by the time we step inside, I've stopped crying for the most part. "Elena!" he calls out. "I have a friend over."  
        "Cody?" a woman's voice responds from a different room.   
        "No, Frankie."  
        "Ah, okay!" she responds.  
        "Alright, let's go," he says, kicking off his shoes and leading me upstairs.  
        "You call your mom by her first name?" I ask.  
        When we get to the top of the stairs. "No, she's my grandma. She hates being called that though, it makes her feel old." There are only five rooms upstairs, one of them being the bathroom. There is a small bedroom neatly cleaned with comic books and action figures on the shelves. The twin bed is made with a Spider-Man comforter laid over the mattress. The other I assume is his parents' room but the door is shut and the room adjacent is also shut. And at the end of the hall is Gerard's. His desk has a few stacks of papers spread around his laptop and he also has a shelf of comic books except he has a hell of a lot more. It's filled with what has to be hundreds of comics. Band posts litter his wall. Iron Maiden, Smashing Pumpkins, and Bruce Springsteen posters mostly, a few D.C. superhero ones here and there. Between the posters are small, framed pieces of artwork. In the bottom corner, it's all signed G.W. so I assume these are Gerard's projects.  
        "I really like your room," I finally say.   
        Gerard smiles at me and takes a seat at his desk. "Thanks, considering I spend all my time surrounded by these four walls, I try to make it homey."  
        "Mission accomplished," I laugh while admiring a watercolor. "Can you tell me about this?"   
        Gerard leans forward in his chair, trying to figure out what I'm referring to. "Oh, that's a weird thing I did, kind of like, abstract tree. I don't know. I would have taken it down but Elena likes it so." He gestures his hand to his bed and I gently sit down on the edge of his mattress. He then kicks his door closed and looks at me. "So," he whispers.   
        "So?"  
        "What's going on?" A small grin spreads, welcoming me to open up to him.   
        "I don't know anymore," I mutter. There's a small silence, Gee doesn't say anything; he's just looking at me and I feel the need to fill the silence. "Am I selfish?"  
        "No," he answers.   
        "Okay." I bite my lip, looking down at him. "I just want to matter, is that too much to ask for?"  
        "You do matter, Frankie," he says. "Look, I know what you mean. You want them to appreciate you, to make them proud. All the things they try to do to make up for what they've missed mean nothing. They think if they buy us stuff, if they make a promise to us, everything will be alright. But you don't want any of that, you just want their love. And it's the one thing they never offer." It's my turn to stare at Gerard and not say anything. "Sorry if I'm rambling."  
        "No, actually, you read me like a book," I say between impressed and concerned. "Are you intuitive or do I wear it on my sleeve?"  
        "Eh, more like I relate," he says. Before I could ask him about it, he returns the focus back to me. "Listen, though. Parents, just because they're your parents doesn't mean they love you the way you want them to. You can find what you need in other people. Like-" he stops himself and thinks for a moment how to word his sentences. "Elena, she's always there for me. Not my parents but she's the person who never fails to help me when I'm in need."  
        "You're lucky you have someone," I say. "My family is all back in Jersey. I'm alone out here."  
        "You're not alone, you got us."  
        "Thanks," I smile. "You know, you're really nice, Gerard."   
        He shrugs. "Eh, I try." He glances at my watch. "Did you eat anything?" he asks.   
        "I'm okay."  
        "No, come one," he says, walking over to me. "Are you always up this early?"  
        I sigh. "Usually not. I was planning on sleeping in. I crashed around 3 in the morning texting Jenna."  
        "Yeah, that's around when I stopped texting Cody," Gerard comments.   
        "Do you usually wake up the crack of dawn?"   
        "Basically," he says, "who else is going to let my grandmother?"  
        "Parents or do they work weekends?"  
        Gerard shuffles his feet against the floor. "No, not really." Giving another shrug, he looks up at me. "But that doesn't matter, they're out anyways getting things done and they're not leaving me home by myself anymore so I get to hang out with her."  
        "Aren't you 16?" I ask.  
        "Yeah, I'll be 17 in like half a year though." He shrugs again. "It's cool, I've always enjoyed her company, even as a little kid." I smile warmly at Gerard, listening to him talk. "Yeah, she always buys me new comics and art supplies. She even finds me these rad posters." There's a faint knock on the door. "Come in," Gerard calls out.   
        His door opens and his grandmother comes in. "Hi, Frank is it?" she asks.   
        "Yes, hello," I say politely to her.   
        "Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Elena." She looks at Gerard. "I made breakfast, let's go eat. And there's plenty to go around so you'll have some too," she says. Gerard sits in his chair unmoving, shifting his jaw side to side, his eyes fixated on the ground. "Gerard?"  
        "It's still early, I'm not very hungry right now," he mutters.   
        "I know but you're going to have some, okay?" She waits until Gerard sighs and finally gets up. "Thank you."  
        I walk with him down to the kitchen. Elena made apple bread with strawberry jam filling along with assorted nuts. I've relieved it's something I can eat and it's also really good. Gerard takes slow bites of his food, chewing thoroughly. He looks upset right now, his eyes glazed over, staring distantly and chewing his food robotically.   
        "So, Frank. I hear you are our neighbor?" she asks.   
        "Oh, yeah, I moved almost a month ago," I say.   
        She smiles. "You're a junior, too, yes?" I nod in response. "What classes do you have?"   
        "Uh, I have guitar class."  
       "Oh, you play? That's cool. One of my grandsons plays guitar too. I think bass is it, Gerard?" He nods, taking another bite of his food. 

        When we finish eating, the two of us retreat back upstairs to Gerard's room. "Elena's really nice," I say when Gerard shuts the door.   
        He smiles. "Yeah, I love her." He sits back in his chair. "Got anything on your mind?" he asks. "Or anything you want off?"  
        "Oh, too much to begin," I sigh and then cover with a laugh. I notice in the corner of his room video game console. "You think you could teach me how you beat the others?" I ask, gesturing to the console.  
        Gerard follows my line of sight. "Oh, with pleasure.

        "Fr-Frankie, you need to stay on the road," Gerard says.   
        "The road needs to stop turning," I say, crashing into a passing car.   
        "Oh my god, you're worse than Cody," he laughs. I crash into a tree. "Easy, man. Don't drive angry."  
        "Hey, I got my driver's license so I'm not all bad," I joke.   
        "Yeah, but you don't have a car. Oh...now the police are after you. Go faster!"  
        I start pressing random buttons. "Wouldn't going faster be speeding?"  
        "Yeah, but at this point, you just got to ditch the cops not drive in the ditch." I reach over and start tapping Gerard's controller. "What are you doing?" he laughs, moving away and trying to correct his driving course. "Sending me off the road, huh?"   
        "Just trying to make it even," I laugh.   
        "Too late, Frankie," he says as the game ends with Gerard winning. My car is surrounded by police cars. "Well, looks like you weren't getting anywhere this anyway."  
        "Hey, I'm getting better though. This time, I stayed on the road a third of the time." Gerard snickers at me. "Well, it's better than not at all!" Gerard rolls backward, his feet coming over his head and then thudding to the ground when he flips over. "What are you doing?"  
        "Phh, beats me," he says, lying flat on his back. "Hey, we never officially said anything and if we did, I clearly don't remember but you do want to be my partner, right?" I fumble with the controller and look up at him. Gerard sits up, adjusting his jacket. "Frankie?"  
        "Uh, I mean, well, yeah but like how?" I ask unsure.   
        "For history?"  
        "Oh!" I snap to realization. "Yeah, definitely."  
        Gerard tilts his head to the side, staring at me quizzically with a smirk. "What did you think I meant?" he asks.  
        "Eh, you got me there," I laugh awkwardly. Wow, I'm an idiot.   
        "It's okay, I didn't really specify." He gets up and walks over to me, taking the controller out of my hands and neatly putting them away, shutting off the game. He extends his hand to me and I take it, standing up to my feet. "So, you're into guitar?" he asks.  
        "Yeah, that seems about right," I laugh. "The same way you like drawing I guess."  
        "I heard you were wanting to save up for an electric?" I nod along. "Do you know what kind?"  
        Chuckling lightly, I take out my phone. "I have it bookmarked," I say, unlocking it and going to Chrome. "Epiphone Wilshire Phant‑o‑matic. In ivory." I hold out my phone and show Gee. He rests his hand against mine holding the phone and tilts the screen to see better.   
        "Beautiful," he comments. "What would you name it or do you not do that?"  
        "Pansy," I'd say. "I don't know why," I say, putting my phone away.   
        "It's a good name," he tells me. "Would you want to be a musician when you're older?"  
        I sigh, sitting down on his bed again. "Yeah, I think that would be great. Touring the world and playing music but it's impractical."  
        "Not it's not. I can see you doing that."  
        "Thanks but you don't have to say those things."  
        "Hey, I want to be a comic book writer. Believe me, I know what it's like to think it's impractical but that doesn't mean it's impossible. If you want something bad enough, you can find a way to get it."  
        "Do you really believe that?" I ask, looking at him as he takes a seat next to me.  
        He looks at me with a half grin on his face. "If there's a will, there's a way. And Way is my last name."  
        "Is Will your middle?"  
        "Nah, it's Arthur," he says. "How about you?"  
        "Anthony."

        After a few more hours, Gerard convinces me to go back to my house. The two of us walk together down the street. When I get home, I'm relieved both of my parents aren't home but also a little upset. There's no note or telling when they'll be back. "Do they do this often?" Gerard asks.   
        "More than not," I reply, kicking my shoes off and putting them to the side. "Sorry it's messy," I say.   
        "I don't mind. I think it adds character."   
        "Are you hungry? I can make some lunch," I offer.   
        "No, thanks," he says politely, following me up to my room. It's still rather empty but at least it's clean, the only clean part of the house.   
        Gerard looks around my room and stares at my acoustic. "You want me to teach you?" I ask.   
        "I know a little guitar. Not really good but more than most."  
        "Did you learn from your cousin?"  
        "I don't have any cousins. Well, I do have one but she's 2."   
        "Oh," I reply. Then who was Elena referring to who plays bass? Maybe it's a grandchild on a different side of the family. Does it work like that? Maybe there was a divorce or something. But Gerard knew them. Gee picks up the guitar and strums a few chords. "Metallica?" I ask. He looks up at me, keeping eye contact while playing. "Nice."   
        "And that's all I know," he says, setting my acoustic down gently.   
        "Bravo."  
        Gerard takes a dramatic bow. "Thank you, thank you very much."  
        "Sassy are we?"  
        Gerard looks up at me, raising his eyebrows with a smirk. "I am the sass queen."  
        "Queen?"  
        "Oh, yes." He stands up tall and flips his bangs behind me, causing me to laugh. Sighing, Gerard takes a seat on the floor.  
        "I thought you were a queen?" I say. Gerard looks at me confused. "Why take a seat on the floor That's for peasants."  
        "Oh, right, right." Getting up, he brushes off his jeans as if he was suddenly covered in dirt. "My, my. Silly me." He looks over. "Can I sit next to you?" he asks, his voice returning to his usual self.   
        "You don't need to ask." He smiles, brushes his hair back and sits down on the bed. "Any plans for the day?"  
        "Meh," he replies, "I was just going to draw but I do that every day. But a surprising turn of events, I got to hang out with you."  
        "Hope it's worth sacrificing your drawing time," I comment.   
        "Hey, I'd take any day hanging out with you over doing anything else," he says.   
        "Really?"  
        "Definitely, I enjoy your company. I...relate to you,"  
        "What's that mean?"  
        Gerard smiles, looking up at me. "Things just make a lot more sense when you're around."  
        "You often confused?" I joke.  
        "No, more so, I don't understand why."  
        "Why what?"  
        He shrugs again, leaning back and lying down on my bed. "Still trying to figure that part out."


	6. October 5th

        For the life of me, I can't fall asleep. I fell asleep really early around 5:45 but that was because I barely got any sleep the night before. Right after Gerard left, I immediately passed out and woke up at 4:00 am. I had over two hours to get ready but I couldn't fall back asleep. My restlessness got the best of me and after half and hour of sitting in my bed, I decided to send Gerard a text. He told me he's a light sleeper so if I ever needed someone in the middle of the night, he would probably be awake. He doesn't answer right away, figures. It's 4:36 am. Maybe in and hour or two. It's not like I won't see him later today.   
        Packing my guitar away for school, my phone buzzes. -Hey, you still awake?-  
        I reply to him. -Yeah, I can't fall back asleep. Sorry if I woke you.-  
        -No, it's chill. I wake up now anyway- -You think you and I could hang out before school?-  
        It's almost 5:00. My parents are still asleep, obviously because the house is quiet. -When?-  
        -Now?-  
        I smile as I text him back. -I'm on my way- I head downstairs with my backpack and guitar. The sun hasn't risen yet so it's relatively dark. I grab a granola bar and much on it as I walk over to Gee's house. It's chilly outside, the air numbing my exposed hands. The front lights are on when I get to his house and there's chatter going on. I feel a little anxious when I ring the doorbell and a woman wearing a suit answers it. "Yes?" she asks.   
        "Uh, hi. I'm Frank Iero, I-uh... I'm Gerard's friend?"   
        "Oh, right, yeah. He invited you over this earlier?"  
        "Mom, I told you," a familiar voice says. Gerard steps in front of her and opens the screen door, letting me in. I thank him as I step into the house.  
        "When did you tell me?" his mother asks.  
        Gerard looks at her irritated. "When I came downstairs and you were opening the mail talking to Dad. I asked if I somebody could come over right now and you said 'that's nice Gerard.' so I did."  
        "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, I was busy with your father," she says.   
        Gerard looks at her and walks away, gesturing for me to follow him. "Sorry," he mutters as we head upstairs.   
        "No, it's okay. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."  
        He scoffs at me. "Yeah, like she'd pay attention enough to me to notice I'm in trouble." What he said last night. I relate to you. Was he meaning about his parents? "Oh, let me take that," he says, grabbing the empty wrapper from my hands and throwing it away.  
        "Thanks, who's all here?"  
        "Uh, well my parents are still home, they haven't left yet. And then it's my mom's sister and her husband with their daughter Grace. Elena was supposed to come over but her back is hurting her. My parents are trying to figure if they want me going to school today."  
        "Are you?" I ask.   
        "Yeah," he says matter-of-factly. "I don't care what their verdict is. Cody's going to kidnap me if he must." I sit on his bed, leaving my guitar and backpack in the corner of his room next to his backpack and portfolio. "I'm sorry, this must be awkward. Uh, how are you?" he asks, brushing his hair back, putting on a smile.  
        "Uh, good. A quiet morning." Gerard nods along. "Can I ask you something?"  
        "Shoot," he says, taking a seat in his chair at his desk, sitting backward and facing me.   
        "Do your parents not trust you?" He cocks his head to the side. "Why don't they let you stay home alone." He gives a shrug. "Like, are they afraid someone's going to break in the house or what?"  
        "No, it's complicated." I don't like that word. It's only used when people don't want to talk about something. My parents use it a lot. "Well, they're not home most of the day. They leave before I do for school and they don't get home until I'm asleep. Well, until they think I'm asleep. It's like 11 at night."  
        "What do they do for a living? They're gone for like 15 hours of the day?"  
        "They work in some office in LA, big fancy job. That's where they met and stuff but they don't work the whole day."  
        "Why else would they be coming home so late?" Gerard doesn't reply. I stop talking when I see his eyes glazed over again, how they turn vacant when he's thinking about whatever is bottled up inside. I know I'm not Cody or even Jenna. I don't know him as much as the others have but I want him to let me in. I can't be mad at him for holding his personal life back while I do the same thing. Although, I seem to have told him more than he's told me.   
        "Gerard!" Someone from downstairs calls him. He rolls his eyes to the back of his head and slumps out of his chair. "Gerard!"  
        "Yeah?" he calls back, not getting up.   
        "Gerard!"  
        "What is it?" he cries, finally getting up and opening his door. "Yes? Mother?"  
        "We're leaving now and your grandmother isn't coming now. Can you go with Aunt Marie to the-"  
        "I'm not missing school," he calls out, walking into the hall and leaning over the banister. "I have a test to do and I got a history paper I still need to work on in class." His mom doesn't say anything. There's rowdy chatter downstairs. "Mom?" he calls out. "Mom!" She doesn't reply to him. He scowls, walking back over to the room.   
        As soon as he shuts the door, she calls him again. "Gerard?  
        "Woman, make up your damn mind," he mutters under his breath. "Yes?"  
        "Come down, okay?"  
        "Okay!" he calls back, dragging out the pronunciation with a fake politeness. He walks back over, shutting the door behind him, leaning against it.  
        "You're not going down?" I ask quietly.  
        He shakes his head. "It's fine. Watch, in 3 minutes, they're going to forget about me and all leave."   
        "Do you want to talk?" I ask. He clenches his jaw, his eyes staring head at his floor and his lips move as if he's muttering. "Gerard?"  
        "Huh?" he asks, looking at me.   
        His eyes are a dark hazel filled with anger. Suddenly, I'm very afraid of him. Knuckles white, fists clenched, grinding his jaw staring at me. "Are you okay?" I ask.   
        He's silent for a moment before he eases up. "Yeah, I'm good," he answers. I keep my eyes on him. "What?" he whispers.  
         "Are you okay?" I ask again.  
        This time, Gerard stops and his attitude washes away, his confidence, his irritation. It all leaves and what's left is a small boy, one who is very scared and alone. "No," he whispers, "haven't been for a while." He walks over to me slowly and crawls on his bed next to me, grabbing his Star Wars pillow and hugging it. I place my head on his shoulder and he breaks. Turning away, he buries his face in his pillow. From the way I feel him shaking, I know he's crying but he's silence. He doesn't make a single sound. If someone were to glance in his room, it would look like he's asleep. But I'm holding his shoulder and I feel the slight movement in his body and I know he's crying.   
        I don't say anything, just sitting there with him, holding his shoulder. Why is he so sad? I understand what it's like to have parents that ignore you but my sadness isn't like this. I'm more so angry, trying to be noticed. I'm a hostile sad. Gerard is a whimpering sad, one that's eating him away and breaking him down.   
        He's a pretender. Puts on a cocky smile and builds up this confident attitude. He walks down the halls as if he's on top of the world and he is the 'queen of sass' as he calls himself. Combat boots and a leather jacket. He's not truly him. I mean, yes, Gerard is all of those things but only on the outside. Catch him off guard, break through his barriers, he is very sad inside. He's lost. However, he's a master of hiding that version of himself. Seeing him lie on his bed curled up, he doesn't make a single sound. He's an expert in crying silently, knowing how to hide his pain in plain sight. Nobody has any idea because he hides it from them all.  
        When he sits up, he looks like he just woke up. Eyes slightly puffy and watery but not tearing up. His cheeks are red but fading back to his ivory skin color. "Thank you, Frankie," he whispers.   
        "For what?"  
        "Coming over, I didn't want to be alone."   
        "No problem," I say, putting on a smile for him. He smiles back, not genuine but close enough. Wiping his eyes with his jacket sleeve, he leans forward, resting his head on my shoulder. I bite my lip and slowly put my arm around him. "Everything's going to be okay."  
        I feel him nod against my shoulder. "I know, I just think too much sometimes and I worry myself." The front door slams and the chatter from downstairs fades away. Gee sits up and looks at his door. "Looks like they forgot again. Let's go before the come back for me."

        The two of us head downstairs with our stuff and we walk over to Cody and Jenna's house. By the time we get there, Amelia is already over. Cody's mom answers the door and she smiles, welcoming us in. "Cody! Gerard and Frank are here," she calls up. "Uh, they might be in Jenna's room or the attic. You are welcome to leave you bags at the front."  
        "Thanks," Gerard says. The two of us head up to Jenna's room and sure enough, the three of them are hanging out. "Oh, hi guys!" Jenna squeals and gets up to hug us.   
        "Hey, you're over!" Cody says. Gerard hugs Jenna and then walks over to Cody.   
        "Decided to go for a walk over here," Gee says. Jenna hands Gerard and I two red and black envelopes. "What is this?" Gerard asks rhetorically while opening up.   
        "Halloween Party?" I ask, looking up at her.   
        "Ah, sweet. I was wondering when you were going to send these out," Gerard laughs, folding it neatly back up after reading it.   
        'It's going to be awesome because it's on a Friday this year!" Jenna exclaims. "Oh, and you HAVE to dress up."  
       "Done deal!" Gerard says.   
        "We have to?" I whisper.   
        Gerard and Jenna look at me. "Oh, come on, Frankie. It'll be fun." I've never dressed up for Halloween before so I have no idea what the customs are. "What were you last year?" he asks.  
        "Myself? I don't...dress up." Gerard drops his mouth open and looks mortified at me. "What?"  
        "He cosplays," Cody says casually. "He takes it as a personal offense."  
        "Sorry?"  
        "Well," Gerard say, pursing his lips together, "looks like I'm going to have to help you. There's a first time for everything."  
        "What are you going to do?"  
        "Haven't decided yet." 

        I go to art class with the others again. Jenna is here today so I sit between her and Gee at the end of the table. She finished the practice, looking rather annoyed at the stippling portion. Jenna takes her time filling in the outline Gerard helped her with and Cody starts making his grid. It's rather nice, talking to the others and watching them draw. I could never do any of the things they can. I have no idea how they manage to create such beautiful artworks.  
        I watch Gerard draw work on his project. His absorbed in the work, shutting the world surrounding him out. His eyes are bloodshot in the slightest, peeking through his bangs. I asked him if he was okay this morning. He thought about it before answering. He thought about lying and just saying yes like he always does. But he didn't. He told me the truth. Part of me wonders about him, why his family monitors him, why they're gone for so long, where they go. Whatever the reason is, it's hurting him and I can't stop thinking about it.

        By my last class, I'm bored out of my skull. I can't for the life of my find the will to care about polynomials and my teacher explaining it for the second time doesn't make it any more likable. I already finished the warm up sheet he passed out and I saw the homework on the board. I finished that too. I'd point out this class is way too easy for me but then I'll actually have to work for an A.  
        I take out a loose leaf of paper and stare blankly. I've been trying to write music lately. The guitar chords and the other parts, that stuff comes naturally to me. What's challenging is the lyrics. Everything I try writing comes out stupid but I think it's because I'm trying too hard, I'm forcing myself to write. I don't come up with ideas, I just try to create one. That's why I always scrap my writing the second I'm half way done with it. It's going nowhere and it sucks.  
        This time is different though. I have an idea this time. Gerard. I could write about him, I could write a lot of things about him, the way he twirls his pencil while he's sketching, how he purses his lip when he's listening to someone speak. How his jet black hair falls over his eyes. Okay, I'm obsessed with my friend but it's only because he's making me wonder. Knowing there's a part of him I don't know about makes me want to learn. In all honesty, this is his fault, he's making me interested in him. Honesty.   
        I could write about this morning. "Well, if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say..."  
        Amelia and I chat while the class gets time to work on homework. "Okay, this is impossible!" she groans. "Literally, there is no way to solve this."  
        I glance over at her homework and analyze her work. "That's because you put 8+5=11. It's 13 silly." She glances down and sighs, frustratedly erasing her work. "It takes practice, you'll get there."  
        "Oh, please. I'm not some super genius like you." I smile politely. The only reason I'm good at math was because since I didn't have a social life, I always worked on homework and studying. I guess it pays off because then a social life wouldn't have mattered but now it does so I don't need to worry about learning these things. Amelia glances down at my paper. "This for English?" she asks.   
        "Oh, uh, more like for myself. It's...I'm trying to write music and I know that's stupid."  
        She shakes her head. "That's not stupid, I think it's awesome," she says, giving an encouraging smile.   
        "Thanks," I say.   
        "I'd like to read it when you finish if that's cool with you." I nod along, agreeing. 

        Class finishes and Amelia heads down to her last class. I tell her I'll meet the others outside because I wanted to put my textbooks in my locker since I finished the homework. On my way back, I see Hayley up ahead. I start walking over to her when a girl with dark blonde hair pushes her into the lockers. Without hesitation, I run over to her and stand between her and the girl. "Hey, leave her alone," I say.   
        The look glares at me smugly. "Well, maybe you are right. You don't care because you got yourself a girlfriend," she says.   
        "What's your deal?" I ask. "Huh?" She doesn't say anything instead, walks away. I turn and look at Hayley. "Who is that?" I ask.   
        "Audrey," she grumbles. "Bitch thinks I like Brendon and will take him away from her," she says.  
        "Do you like him?" I ask.   
        "No, he's literally like my brother. I grew up with him." She rubs her shoulder where she fell against the lockers. "But she's not paranoid. I am trying to break them up."  
        "What are you doing?"  
        "I'm trying to find someone else for him, anyone else really," she says. "I hate Audrey, I can't believe she and Amelia used to be friends."  
        "Used to, that's what's important. Amelia's your friend now." My phone goes off and I open it. It's Cody. -Did you die?- "Hey, I got to go, but you're going to be okay."  
        "Oh, yeah, I'll be fine. She's done worse to me before." I bite my lip and put my hand on her shoulder before I head out. The fact she thinks this is acceptable because she's been through worse is terrible.   
        I head out to the parking lot and run over to the others. "Hey, guys. Sorry to keep you waiting."  
        "There you are," Amelia says, "hoping you didn't die since I left you."  
        "Yeah, uh, is Hayley okay?" I ask. I need to be careful because I know Amelia still respects Audrey. I'd hate to be the guy to make the friend group fight, even though I'm barely in the friend group.  
        "What do you mean?" Jenna asks.  
        "Um, Audrey kind of, I don't know, she pushed her into the lockers on my way out and Hayley sounded off about how she was treated." The other look at me seriously, Gerard closes her sketchbook and Cody pockets his phone. "You didn't know?"  
        "She's never mentioned it before," Cody says. "I mean," he glances at Amelia in the corner of his eyes and bites his bottom lip, "maybe it was an accident?"  
        I give my head a shake. "No, she did it on purpose and Hayley said how she's down worse before."   
        "What was it about?" Amelia asks. "Like, she had to have a reason to do that."  
        "I asked but...no one said anything. She kind of insulted me, called me Hayley's girlfriend before leaving."   
        "Oh, she's just teasing," Amelia says, "she doesn't mean it."  
        "Do you still talk to her?" Gerard asks. "Like, when's the last time you spoke?" Amelia opens her mouth to reply but Gerard cuts her off. "And don't say English. Just because you have a class with someone and make small talk doesn't mean you actually know them last real conversation?"  
        "Hey, before I knew you guys, Audrey was my friend." Gerard doesn't say anything to her, just stares blankly.   
        I hold my breath and awkwardly stand there. "Well, sorry to keep you guys waiting to go home," I say. It transitions us to getting in the car and heading out. By the time we leave the school parking lot, the usual chatter is back. 

        Sitting in my room, I text Jenna. I'm trying to compromise on not wearing some costume but she keeps insisting, also saying how Gerard will shun me if I dare be "normal" on such a day. I continue working on the song I started from earlier. So far, I think I got the intro down and some other lines. 'What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems'. As the conversation continues, it switches over to Audrey and Amelia.   
        They were really close before but they did lose touch. Jenna thinks they're getting a little closer again now that they have class together, which she's not sure how to take. If Audrey were to be friends with Amelia again, one of two things would happen. Either a miracle would occur and she'd join our friend group and start being nice to us, letting Brendon hang out with us, which is highly unlikely, leaving the probable choice of Amelia choosing between us and her.   
        Considering Jenna is her best friend and Audrey has never come close to surpassing Jenna, she's not worried about losing her as her best friend but as a friend in the group.  
        There's something about them all that makes me worry. There isn't drama exploding around them but it's different. I worry something might happen to them. This is the closest friend group I've had in my life and I'm worried it might dissolve. Not the due to a huge fight or getting stabbed in the back or anything but from inside everyone. Hayley hasn't told the others about Audrey and Brendon is lacking presence in hanging out socially. Gerard, that's a whole new level of concern. I don't want anything to happen to them. I just want things to fix. I've never had this kind of stress before, granted, I never had real friends before. Back in Jersey, I couldn't care if the people I hung out with hated each other because we all kind of did. Here, I know you aren't supposed to hate your friends. But should you worry about them this long too?


	7. October 24th

        "It's not a big deal," I mutter. "I'll just wear all black and put on a cape and call it a vampire."  
        Gerard scoffs at me. "You put disgrace in the vampire."  
        "Well, I don't really care," I say.   
        "Yes, but I do. And you can't be looking like a crummy vampire when I'm going all out as Drac." Gerard scrolls through his computer looking for ideas. "Ghost?  
        "Yeah, I can throw a bed sheet over my hea-"  
        "Ugh, never mind," he sighs, continuing the search. "The party is in a week and you haven't agreed to anything yet." He shuts it off and walks over to his closet. "Maybe I can make you something."  
        "Oh, no. That's too much. I don't want to bother you about my apathy."  
        "Bother me?" he inquires, putting his hands on his hips, "I'm having fun with this. You on the other hand, well, enough said." He continues to rummage around.   
        "I'm probably not going to go," I whisper. Gerard stops suddenly and looks at me disappointed. "It's just not my thing and I don't want to be a bummer."  
        He glances down at the floor in the corner of his closet, his eyes wide and fixated. He turns and looks back at me. "Seriously?"  
        "Yeah, it's going to be my birthday and I-"  
        "I know, don't think like we forgot," Gerard whispers. He almost looks genuinely hurt. "It's just, Halloween was always a big deal for us and...I was looking forward to it."  
        "You can have fun without me," I say, sitting up on his bed. Gerard starts pouting. "Oh, come on. You don't need me there."  
        "What will it take for me to convince you?" he asks, crossing his arms. "Huh? I'll write your history papers. I'll do the whole project."  
        "Oh, stop. I don't really mind the work, it gives me something to do."  
        He starts walking over to me. "I'll tell you what your birthday gift is," he says with a mischievous smirk.  
        "You...please, don't get me anything."  
        "Hey, I worked really hard to arrange this in happening so it's too bad. Besides, already got it." He hovers over my face, standing right in front of me with a smirk plastered across his face. "Hmm, what do I have to do to make you come?" I stare at him nervously as my brain starts thinking of other things I really should not be thinking about. Well, Gerard, as of right now, not much... What's wrong with me? "Please, Frankie?" I end up nodding slowly. "Perfect." He turns around, heading back to his closet. I take a breath and ease up. "You have black jeans?" he calls out.  
        "Duh!"  
        "Just making sure. I doubt you could fit into my pants," he says. Oh my god, please stop saying sentences like that. "Here," he says, stepping out with a black jacket. "I don't remember what this was from." There are fancy silver buttons and white stripes running horizontally. Try this on." He hands it to me and I sigh, standing up and putting it over my head and adjusting the sleeves. It's a little big, covers down to my thighs and all my arms.   
        "Well, I do like this but it's simple for you to suggest."   
        "I'm not done, silly," he chuckles.   
        "This kind of looks like a skeleton," I say, noticing how the stripes are like a rib cage.  
        "That's my point," he comments. "Now, for the most important part," he looks up at me, "your face."  
        "Oh, boy," I whisper as Gerard hauls me over to his desk area.   
        "Take a seat," he says, guiding me to his chair. I sit down as he starts grinning mischievously. "I'm going to enjoy this."  
        "What are yo-"  
        "Ah ta ta!" he says, "no questions." His sassy attitude is back as he rummages in the drawer of his dresser, taking out two bottles, one black and one white. He digs out a palate and grabs the roll of masking tape on his dresser as well as the cup of brushes. He sets the supplies down on his desk before going back quickly and picking up a grey case with a silver handle and metal clasps locking it closed. "Alright, I'm going to let you in on a little secret."  
        "What's that?" I ask.  
        He sighs, glancing down at the box. "Promise me you won't tell the others. Not even Cody?"  
        "Wait, is it serious?"  
        "Not really, I just don't feel like them on my ass about it, we all have our little secrets, right?" I nod along, waiting for him to tell me. "You know I'm an artist, in all kinds of methods."  
        "Yeah?"  
        "Consider this art a daily facial enhancement in a three-dimensional aspect of natural tone shading."  
        "What?" I mutter, thinking about it. Gerard sighs, and opens the box. The second I see the contents, I understand. "You wear makeup?"  
        "That's another way of putting it," he grumbles. "Now hold still, I'm going to make you pretty," he says. "Well, more than you already are." I sit back in the chair and stare at him. "Frankie, I'm just teasing," he chuckles with a smile. "Come here."  
        "I-Yeah," I lean forward and look up at him. Gerard pulls up his stool from the dresser and sits in front of me.   
        "I hope you still respect me after this," he says.  
        "Are you wearing any now?" I ask. He doesn't say anything, pursing his lip to the side. "Really?"  
        "I'm an artist. I'm very good at what I do. And...not a lot." Gerard takes out a small glass bottle from his box. He pours it in his hand and starts spreading it on my cheeks. It's slightly cold and I giggle. Gerard smiles back at me. "Hold still, Frankie. Canvases aren't supposed to move around."  
        "It feels weird," I say.  
        "It'll be okay." He spreads it around my face and down my neck. Taking the poofy brush, he starts gently brushing it over my cheeks. I burst out giggling and Gerard chuckles lightly. "Close your eyes gently," he says. I comply and Gerard places his hand underneath my chin, tilting my head side to side, brushing my skin. It's almost relaxing, minus the fact my heart is pounding out of my chest. But aside from that, it's nice. And with Gerard's definition, it's acceptable. Not makeup, just art. Whatever, I don't care either way. "Okay, I primed your face. Now I'm going to tape it down," he says.  
        "What's the tape for?" I ask.  
        "So I know to make it symmetrical, just trust me on this." Gerard cuts strips of tape and puts it down on the sides of my face and near my mouth. With the black and white bottles, he pours face paint onto the pallet and paints on my face. I do my best to sit still and not move. But the cold feeling of the paint tickles. Gerard leans inches away from my face, he's focused, sticking his tongue out just a little bit. He's completed lost in his work, like how he is in art class but what's different is I'm what he's completely lost in. Not the same sense but I wish it was. I wish he would look at me like this without the art aspect, just because it's me.   
        What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I even asking? I know I like boys but I've never really had a crush on someone, not like this. Do I like Gerard or just admire the person he is? Considering right now, I want nothing more than him to just lean three more inches closer to me, I take it I like him. How much, I don't know. Hopefully nothing overbearing.   
        "You look hella fly," he says with a bright smile, putting down the brush and crumpling up the used pieces of tape. "Come here, Frankie," he says, taking my hand over to his mirror.   
        I got to say, I do think I look cool. It's a skeleton with the shadows of my face looking like a skull. "Oh my god, thank you, Gee!" I say, looking at this. "Okay, you were right. I'm definitely going to do this. As long as you can do my makeup again?"  
        "I would love to," he says smiling. "You can wash it off in the bathroom. It comes off really easy."   
        "Thanks," I say. I leave the jacket in his room before I head over to the bathroom. It practically dissolves when I splash water on. Except around my eyes, it smudges around. Gerard used a different material for my eyes, real makeup I think, which is why it doesn't come off. The eyeliner stays on but I think it looks rad.   
        Walking out of the bathroom, I see the other bedroom. I double take when I see an electric bass resting in the corner of the room. It's sleek black with a nice strap. Sitting next to it is a white and blue unicorn stuffed animal. Well, that certainly contradicts the bass.   
        "What are you doing?" I turn around and see Gerard glaring at me.  
        "Oh, sorry. Uh, I saw the bass...you play?"  
        "That's not mine," he says lowly.   
        "Oh, well, who's is it?" He doesn't answer me. "Your cousin's?"  
        "I told you, my only cousin is too little."  
        "I-" I falter when I see his eyes watering. Something is wrong, I've crossed a line and Gerard looks between betrayed and hurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, just curious."  
        He glances down. "Well, we don't have a lot of time to start our project. We should really start working on that."  
        "Yeah, of course." I walk back to his room and the two of us sit down together.

        Gerard and I finished the outline and got a lot of work down. I may be the one doing most of it but Gerard's doing most of the thinking portion. His mind works faster than I could write.  His grandmother cooks dinner and there's a minor fuss about it. Something's wrong with Gerard but after he's asked a second time to go eat, he glances at me before listening to Elena.   
        Later, the two of us walk over to Cody and Jenna's house. The four of us are the only one free today to hang out so we decided to hang out anyway. Amelia's family went up to go skiing with her cousins, Patrick had work, Brendon, well, it's nothing new with him, and Hayley was volunteering at a food drive. 

        "Hey," Cody says, letting us into his house. "It's been a while since we've seen each other."  
        "Oh yeah, only a few hours," Gerard says.   
        Cody smiles and we head upstairs. Jenna's sitting in her room scrolling through her phone when she looks up. "Hey, guys!" she cheers. "Sorry for such the late notice."  
        Gerard scoffs at her. "Oh, like it'd matter with you guys. My grandmother adores you."  
        Jenna smiles brightly, her eyes fixated on me. "Frank?" I raise my eyes at her. "Are you wearing eyeliner?"  
        "I-" I look at Gerard and he starts giggling.   
        "Oh, Gee. You're spreading the emo," she says.  
        "Hey, that's not a bad thing!" he says. "Besides," he glances back at me with a half smile, "he looks..."  
        "What?" I ask.  
        "No homo, but kind of hot." He laughs and I chuckle with him.  
        "Oh, come on, Gerard, what's wrong with a little homo?" I tease  
        "True," he says.   
        "So you hungry?" Cody asks.  
        Gerard shakes his head. "No, we already ate," I tell them.  
        "Awesome," he says. "So Jenna and I were going to watch The A-Team, you interested?"  
        "I love that movie!" Gerard says. "Oh man, it's been years since I've seen it."  
        The four of us go to their sitting room on the upper level with the big screen and surround sound speakers. Jenna turns on her TV and loads the movie on screen. I sit down in the bean bag chair but this isn't a normal seat because it swallows me up. "Ah!" The others look at me, seeing my failed attempts to get up. "I've been ate," I mutter defeated.  
        Gerard walks over in front of me laughing. "Need a hand?" I reach both of my hands up in the air with a smirk. Gerard takes hold of me and I yank him down. "Wait!" He falls on top of me and I burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?" he asks, trying to sit up. He props himself on his arms while hovering over me.  
        I cover my mouth while laughing. "Your face, that was gold."  
        He looks at me hesitant to smile. "Frankie," he says uneasy. "Don't do that, I'm might hurt you."  
        "Oh, please. I'm okay. Just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm fragile."  
        "Yeah, but," he trails off. I glances down and knock down one of his arms and he falls back on me. "I'm crushing you."  
        "No, you're like a blanket. And I'm cold so this is nice." I'm not actually cold but he is warm and cozy."  
        "Frankie, I'm too heavy for you," he says lowly. I wrap my arms around him. "I'm going to hurt y-"  
        "Shhh, the movie," I say teasingly. Okay, I lied. Definitely like Gerard. A lot. But whoever said that was a bad thing? Considering he just sighs and lays down with me, this is a perfectly acceptable thing. 

        By the time it finishes, we see Cody has fallen asleep. He had practice after school, which explains why he's tired. Jenna, Gerard, and I are still wide awake. "That was awesome," I say. "Murdock is my favorite."  
        "He's crazy," Jenna says.   
        "Exactly!"  
        "I love it when a plan comes together," Gerard says, mimicking Liam Neeson's voice. "Can I get up now?" he asks, looking at me. I smile and reluctantly let go of him. He sits up and stretches out. "Okay, you guys tired?" Jenna and I shake our heads. "What shall we do now?"  
        "Shall?" Jenna asks.   
        "It's a word," he says, rolling his eyes.  
        "Is it bad I'm thinking either truth or dare or hide and seek?" I ask smiling.   
        "Hide and seek is crazy at my house," Jenna says. "But no, it's not bad because we still act like children."  
        "We play hide and seek at all your parties," Gerard says. "Which we probably will do with everyone next Friday. Truth or dare then?"  
        "Okay, Gerard. Truth or dare?"  
        "What?" He looks at her shocked. "No, I didn't want to go first."  
        "Too bad," she says.   
        He pouts while thinking. "Uh, oh god. I don't know. Let's play it easy. Truth?"  
        Jenna and I look at each other unsure of what to ask. "Um," she says. "Here's a cliche one. Do you like anybody?"  
        He laughs lightly to himself. "Yeah, no."  
        "Was that a 'yes' or a 'no'?" I ask.   
        He looks up at me. "I don't date people so..."  
        "Really?" I ask. "Well, why not?"  
        He shrugs. "People make me nervous and I...nobody cares enough to deal with me." I drop my mouth open. "What?"  
        "Well," Jenna says with a smirk. "You and my brother act like a gay couple."  
        "Oh, please. Cody is straighter than...what's something that's straight?" he asks. "Not the government." I start laughing. "You know it's true. Uh...he's as straight as...curtain rods!"   
        "Oh, you seem so proud of your answer," Jenna says.   
        "You bet I am! Now...Frankie, truth or dare?"   
        I suddenly regret suggesting this game. "I'm feeling dangerous, dare."  
        Gerard sits back, thinking. "Hmm, do a cartwheel."  
        "Okay?" I slide out of the bean bag and stand up. I raise my hands over my head and bend down. I've done these when I was little, I got lucky on an easy one. I'm not one to back down from a dare or lie from a truth. "Done, Jenna?"  
        "Dare?" she says unsure. "Wait, no. Yeah, dare."  
        "Lick your foot."   
        She stares at me disgusted. "Oh, I hate you."

        After playing several rounds, the three of us decided to look up ones to use, so none of us felt awkward for suggesting anything and we could blame embarrassment on the computer. But we still complied and the more "flamboyant" we are about our answers or actions, the more we start winning. It's not like we have a point system but we judge who is the best, all trying to out do each other. So far, I'm winning.   
        "Okay," Jenna says, waiting for Gerard's question. "What's your sexuality?" I look up at him nervously. "Actually, I don't know this one."  
        "Well, nobody's asked," he says with a smirk. "Granted, I don't really know." He narrows his eyes, trying to think of an answer. "Like, I don't really...I'm not attarcted to girls or guys?"  
        "You're...asexual?" I ask in a hushed voice. I really hope not but there's nothing I could do about it if that's the case.  
        "No, I don't think so," he says, "it's weird. Like I don't really care about their gender. It's more so...if I like somebody I do and they're just a person. I like people and genders don't make a difference?" He shakes his head. "I'm weird."  
        "No, you're pansexual?" Jenna asks.   
        "Maybe," he replies. "I was thinking about it but I don't know." He nods along. "Okay, it sounds less pretentious when someone else says it. I think I am." It becomes slightly quiet and Gerard looks at me. "So, what about you? Another dare?"  
        "Yep," I say. I'm staying away from the truths. I don't feel like having to reveal anything about myself.  
        Gerard reads off the phone. "Flirt with the player on the left." He looks up and starts chuckling.   
        "Oh god," I mutter, looking at Jenna.  
        "Let's go, Iero!" she says.   
        Heat rises to my face as I turn to face her. Brushing my bangs out of my face, I bite my lip. This will be the single most cringy moment of my life. "Hey, beautiful," I say with a shaking voice. "Oh god...Uh, oh god."  
        "Just go for it," she laughs.   
        "So," I say, awkwardly putting an arm around her shoulder, "besides being gorgeous, what do you do for a living?" She drops her jaw open.   
        "Keep going, this is gold," Gerard chuckles.   
        I look at him then glance back at Jenna. "I myself am a...oh god...I'm coach and I work out a lot." My cheeks are on fire and I can't stop blushing. I'm going to hate myself for saying this. "Here, feel that?" I ask, placing her hand on my arm, despite my actual lack of muscle. "It's boyfriend material." Her eyes start watering from laughing so hard. Last one and I'll say I've killed it. "Yeah, I like to keep in shape. D-did you know kissing for a minute burns 3 calories. You want to work out?"   
        "You win, oh my god," she says, wiping her eyes. "I'm dead!"  
        "I am so ashamed of myself," I laugh, rubbing my face. "So you guys now need to step up your game!"  
        "Duly noted," Gerard says, calming down from laughing. "Jen's turn."  
        "Truth," she says.   
        I look at the phone. "Uh...what's the farthest you've gone?" I ask awkwardly.   
        She starts smirking. "Well..."  
        "Wait!" Gerard says looking at her. "You wha-"   
        "I mean...technically no." She glances up with hooded eyes. "Since Lynn is also a girl."  
        "I-what...oh, I have a new perspective of you," he says, running his hands through his hair. "I always saw you like a little sister, so sweet and innocent."  
        "I am!" she says with squeal voice. "But not always." Gerard looks at her conflicted. "Now, truth or dare?"  
        "Uh, fine. Dare."  
        Jenna looks at her phone. "Mmm oh boy."  
        "Was this a mistake?" he asks.  
        Jenna looks up at me then Gerard. "Kiss a player of your choosing," she says. Gerard's eyes widen. "It doesn't say what kind of kiss so you can try beating Frank because currently he's done the best out of all these."  
        "Hmm, honor or embarrassment," he says, weighing his hands at his side. "I have no idea. Well. I first have to choose, which makes this a lot harder."  
        I look at him silently and glance at Jenna. "I mean," Jenna says. "I can pick for you?" He looks up at her, raising his eyebrow. "Kiss Frank."  
        "I knew you'd say that," he mumbles.   
        "Well, Lynn and I are technically dating!" she says.   
        "Oh please, that's never stopped you two from playing spin the bottle with us."  
        "True," Jenna says.   
        "You've played spin the bottle?" I ask.   
        They both exchange nervous glances. "Eh, it was with a calculator," Gerard admits. I only become more confuzzled. "Like, the graphing calculators with the probability function. It spins a wheel and we all had numbers so...Long story." He sits there. "See, spin the bottle is easy because don't have to pick, making it less stressful. AND now have I to..uh!" Gerard rolls back and flops on the floor.   
        "So...who are you kissing?" I ask nonchalantly.   
        He doesn't move. "I think you," Jenna says.   
        "Okay," I say, trying not to sound too happy.   
        "You don't have to Frank if you-"  
        "No, I don't mind," I say. The planets have aligned for me here. There is no way I'm just going to let Gerard feel bad. If he's played spin the bottle before, that means he's kissed others, making me surely no exception, right?  
        He sits up and looks at me, his cheeks rosy. "How much are you cool with?" he asks. Is there a way saying as long as it's you, anything? Without sounding obvious, that's the tricky part. "Because, I don't want to make you uncomfortable but like...I don't want you to slaughter us in this game."  
        "Well, I am the boss at fulfilling dares," I say. He gives a nervous laugh. "I can reassure you, you won't make me uncomfortable with anything you do." I put on a warm smile.  
        Gerard looks at me and turns away. "Hold on, let me...let me think."  
        "Gee, no matter what you do, you're still not going to beat Frank at this game."  
        "Hey, I used to be like second best at doing these," he says, pointing at her.   
        "Who was first?" I ask.  
        "Brendon, he's fearless about dares," Gerard says. "Well, used to be. Now he is scared to hang out with us." There's bitterness behind his voice, he's still angry about Audrey. Well, I don't blame him. "But I think Cody and Amelia are pretty good. It's Hayley, Jen and Patrick that get all embarrassed."  
        "Well, excuse me!" Jenna says sassily. "Come, Gee. Frank said he doesn't mind. Reclaim your tittle!"  
        He sighs and I wait anxiously. This actually going to happen? Well, I can't really count this as a real kiss, he's only doing it for a game. But still, it's got to count for something, right? Just a small peck is better than always wondering.  
        Gerard scoots closer to me with a sheepish smile on his face. In my peripheral vision, I see Jenna holding her face all giddy. I can clearly see Gee's eyes, soft hazel color but very nervous. I close my eyes and wait, knowing it better to let him just do it and get it over with. He cups my face and gently brings me closer to him. It's not a peck, I meet with him and his lips are already parted. His lips gingerly lock around mine and it's enticing. Instinctively, I place one hand on his shoulder and lean the other on his leg. For "not dating people" he surely is good at this. His tongue darts over mine before it slip into my mouth as he tangles his hands in my hair. My heart is either pounding so fast I don't feel it or it's completely stopped entirely. Suddenly, he playfully bites my lower lip and I inhale sharply while he starts pulling away. My eyes open and I look up at him. There is fire in his eyes. He lets go and smirks. "How's that for a kiss?" he says in a husky voice.  
        I don't say anything, simply staring at him. My mouth is still open but my words don't come out. "OTP," Jenna whispers with her hands cupped around her mouth.   
        "Oh, shut up," Gerard says, tossing a pillow in her direction.   
        She swats it away, giggling. "But damn, Gee. I did not know you had that in you." He scoots back to his spot from before giving a shrug. "Seriously, where did that come from?"  
        "He said he didn't mind so I went for it." He glances back at me and raises an eyebrow at me. "We still friends, right?"  
        Friends? After a kiss like that? Maybe if you put the words "boy" in front, that would be a different story. "Yeah, of course," I say, trying to hide how much I enjoyed that.  
        "Good," he says with a smile. "Anyway, it's your turn so...try beating that!"


	8. October 31st

        When I wake up, my phone is spammed with notifications all from midnight. Missed calls from Jenna, Hayley, Lynn, and Gerard. Also, a spam loaded with texts. All of them are people spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY one letter at a time as well as others sending verse my verse happy birthday song. All the missed calls are accompanied by voicemails. I start listening to them. The first is from Jenna.  
        "Happy birthday, Frank!" she says on the phone. I'm pretty sure she's with Amelia and Cody. "I know it's only been like two months of knowing you but you're one of my best friends already."  
        "Same!" Amelia says in the background. "Glad to have you there behind me in math because I'd be sleeping the whole time."  
        "Happy birthday, Frank!" Cody screams.  
        "Anyways, hope today is awesome and I'm excited to see you tonight!" Jenna says.  
        "Love you!" Amelia screams before it ends.   
        I smile to myself listening to them before clicking on Hayley's. It pauses for a moment before she and as well as Brendon start singing happy birthday to me. Not the traditional one but some pop remix. Also, the two of them are in choir so they have harmonies going on and it's quite an epic duet. "Have a great, man!" Hayley says when they finish.  
        "Conquer the world!" Brendon cheers.   
        The next one is Lynn's. "Hey, Frank. I'm sure you're getting spammed right now but I'm still going to wish you a happy birthday. I'm glad we have class together and I really enjoy hanging out with you. We'll have a lot of fun tonight so I'm looking forward to it. Hope you have a great day, bye."  
        Last is Gerard's. "Hiya, Frankie. Happy birthday. Everyone else is probably calling you right now so I'm just going to say I'm looking forward to the morning and tonight. You can come to my house and I can do your skeleton make up." He pauses for a moment thinking. "Well, I hope today is better than days in the past. You deserve the best. Anyways, I'm going to stop now. See you in the morning, love ya."  
        I smile warmly and then open up the texts, reading them all then replying thank yous. I pack my bag and head downstairs. My parents don't acknowledge me, nothing out of the ordinary. I just walk out the door and they don't say a word.   
        It's a bit cold now, the brisk air stinging my face but it's almost refreshing. I make it to Gerard's house and knock on the door. His father answers. "Little early for trick or treaters," he says.  
        "Uh, n-no. I'm Gerard's friends?"  
        "Yes, I know, Frank?" he laughs.  
        "Yeah.  
        "Well, come on in," he says. I step in and take off my shoes. "It's your birthday, right?"  
        "Yeah," I say again. Why am I being awkward?  
        "Well, happy birthday. Cool that it's on Halloween." He shuts the door.  
        "Definitely."  
        "Yeah, Gerard's favorite holiday. Well, I'm sure you know the way up there."  
        "Thank you," I say, grabbing my bag and going to his room. "Knock knock," I say, opening the door.  
        "Hey, you!" he cries out. "Happy birthday." He has his face paled white with his eyes reddened eyes and heavy eyeliner. He also has wax over his teeth molded into large fangs. I smile at him. He's also dressed very nice. A black dress shirt tucked into his belt and he has tight skinny jeans on, making him look really fine. And a blood red tie but he seems to be struggling to tie it. "Like what you see? he smirks.  
        "You bet," I reply, walking over to him. I take hold of his tie and he raises his eyebrow at me. "Do you know how to tie these?"  
        He glances down. "I tried, I really tried but this is the best I got."  
        "Want me to help you?" I ask. He slowly nods. I untie the knot from the fabric and yank it free. "Jeez, looks like you were trying to hang a noose." He laughs at my comment, moving away. "Wait, hold still there. Do you want me to choke you?"  
        "Maybe I'm into that," he mutters. I let go of his tie and step back when he starts laughing. "No, no. I'm kidding, Frankie." He catches my hand. "Please, help?"   
        "Well, hold still then." I even out the fabric on both sides of his and start warping the front up and pulling it through. My heart is beating faster. I'm really close to him. I could kiss him again. I mean, we have before. Just once out of a dare but it was still the best thing for me. I want to kiss him again or at least hug him tightly and never let go. But that's not the case here. I don't think Gerard feels the same way about me unless he really isn't joking about his little comments? But he does that with the others. "There, now you look fabulous," I tell him.   
        He glances in the mirror and smiles. "Dude, thanks," he says with a smile. "Where'd you learn how to do this?"  
        "Uh, up until high school, I went to Catholic school," I admit.  
        "You did? You're Catholic?"  
        I glance at him with a half smile. "No, didn't you hear me? You send your kid to Catholic school, they'll come out anything but Catholic." He laughs lightly. "So my turn?" I ask.  
        "Totally. Come here." I take a seat on his desk chair and he starts painting my face. When he finishes, it looks better than last time. He also contoured my face to enhance my facial features. "What do you think?" he asks.  
        "It's incredible, that's what this is," I say. "Thank you so much."  
        "No problem," he replies. "Here's the jacket." I slide it on and Gerard zips it up from me. "Beautiful. Okay, you ready to go to Cody's?"  
        "Hell yeah," I reply. The two of us walk downstairs.  
        "You leaving now?" his mother calls.   
        "Yeah, have a good day."  
        "Wait, did you eat?"  
        "I'm eating over there!" he calls back. "Bye!" We walk out and start heading over.   
        "You know, this is the first time people ever wished me a happy birthday," I say.  
        "You're joking."  
        I shake my head. "Nope, my parents don't care enough and I didn't really have friends in school. Maybe one or two of them would mention it, a random classmate and a teacher but that's about it." Gerard looks at me sympathetically. "You guys actually cared and made a big deal. During the first minute, you all made more effort than anyone has in my life combined throughout all the years."  
        Gerard reaches over and puts his arm around my shoulder. "Well, sucks for them because they missed out on the greatest person they could meet." I smile at him and the two of us continue talking, Gerard doesn't move his arm.  
        Their house is completely decked out. Fog machines on their driveway and ghosts floating outside on their yard. Jack-o-lanterns dimly glow on their porch with tea lights. Skeletons are climbing out of their grass and spider webs are all over the house. Thankfully, no spiders are there. Houses with jumping spiders are the reason I have aneurysms.   
        When we get to Cody's house, we see Jenna wearing a shredded white gown covered in fake dirt smudges and blood stains. "Hey!" she calls out with her neck dripping with dried blood. "Happy birthday!"  
        "Thank you, Jenna," I say. "Dead bride?"  
        "You bet."  
        "Where's the groom?" Gerard asks.   
        "I killed him," she mutters.   
        "Oh, well then," he replies.  
        The two of us go upstairs and see Amelia putting makeup on Cody. "Hold still, you goof!"  
        "You expect me to hold still when you're putting a pencil in my eye?" he replies.   
        "Yep, now don't move. This will look awesome."  
        "Hey, guys," Gerard says.  
        "Hi," Amelia replies, without turning to face us. She just concentrates on Cody.  
        "Hey...help me," Cody whispers. Amelia is wearing an all black dress with leggings. She has a kitty ear headband and a clip-on tail with whiskers on her cheeks. Cody is dressed in white clothes with mummy wrappings over him. It's covering one of his legs entirely and partially the other one, loose around his torso and draping over his shoulders and neck.   
        "What's the matter? Can't handle guyliner?" I ask.  
        "Okay, I'm not emo like you guys, I-"  
        "Quick moving!" Amelia says. "Egyptians have eyeliner."  
        "Yeah but not when they're dead!" he replies.   
        "There, I'm done, you happy?" she says, capping it. Cody flops on the ground sighing. "You're such a drama queen, rubbing off from Gee."  
        "Hey! I'm a sass queen, thank you very much," he says, putting his hands on his hips.  
        Amelia giggles at him. "Oh please, like you aren't dramatic."  
        "You got me there," he admits.   
        "Okay, I take it back," Cody says, looking in the mirror, "this does rock."  
        "Told you," she replies. "And happy birthday, Frank."  
        "Yeah, happy birthday!" Cody adds. "You guys hungry?"  
        "Oh, no thanks," I say.  
        "I already ate at home," Gerard adds. I look at him confused but he simply smiles innocently at me. 

        There's a lot more people with costumes than I anticipated. Nobody doesn't anything at my old school because it's "lame" but the majority of students dressed up. Even all my teachers. The English department collectively turned the entire English hall into the Harry Potter world and they all dressed up as the characters. Apparently, they do something together every year. My English teacher I think is one of the older wizard teachers who turns into a cat. It's been a while since I've seen the movies.   
        When school gets out, Gerard and I head back to his place to hang out while the others get ready for company. The two of us continue working on our project together, which is surprising coming along. At 5:45, we walk back over to Jenna and Cody's house. There's a lot more people than I anticipated, a lot of adults. Their parents have their friends over on the main floor as well as the basement. But the upper floors are our domain. Lynn is a ghoul with her attire still on point. Very elegant dress and tights along with her makeup nicely done and hair in a tight bun. Of course, there are black smudges over her eyes and her purple lipstick aesthetically smeared but she still looks like a model. Hayley is a little pumpkin with a cute hat and dress. Brendon and Gerard coordinated to be vampires together. Paled face, fangs, black capes. Patrick is a devil. He has a red jacket on along with red war paint and devil horns.   
        It's not a crazy party like the stereotypical teenage parties with the red solo cups. It's just the same friend group from school dressed up and hanging out. We watch a couple horror movies while eating pizza and drinking pop. Then around 10:30, well after the doorbells stopped ringing, we eat the leftover candy. Not like the fun-sized candies. These are the big candy bars, king size. While there is the good old Kit Kats, Reeses, and Crunch bars with M&Ms and skittles, they'res also Godiva chocolate sets we have. Cody's mom bought several boxes just for us. I never had Godiva and everyone nearly died when I said it. But Gerard and Cody were right to say it's life-changing. 

        Around midnight, Jenna and Amelia beg us to play hide and seek. The only rules, no going outside, to the main floor or basement, or their parents' rooms/offices. Jenna is the first one to start counting, up to 30. As soon as she turns around, the lot of us sprint out of her room. Gerard and Cody run up to the next level and Patrick books down one of the hallways. "Come on, follow me," Amelia says, grabbing my wrist and leading me into a different wing of her house. Safe bet, Amelia is an expert of this house after Jenna and Cody. Maybe Gerard and she are equal experts. But Gee's with Cody right now.   
        Amelia leads me into a room and shuts the door quietly behind giggling. We're in a guest office it seems. "Where?" I ask.  
        She points below. "Get under the desk." I slide over and crawl underneath the desk. There's an empty space behind the frame which conceals my body. Amelia shuts off the lights and shines her phone flashlight. Crawling over to me, she scoots close and pulls the chair in. "I've been waiting to use this for weeks," she giggles.   
        "Their house is epic for this."  
        I can tell she's nodding, despite her phone light turned off. "Yeah, it's the best but since it's so big, as soon as you're found, you have to help search for the others, unless you hid together, then you look for anyone left. But only for five minutes, because they can look for the other person. So if they haven't moved their spot in five minutes, they'll be found."  
       "That seems intense."  
        She laughs when her phone starts buzzing. "Shhh!" she hisses, silencing her phone. "Also, silence your phone, they're probably going to try calling you too. Trying to hear where you are." Amelia declines the call.   
       I take out my phone and put it on silent. Seconds afterward, I get a call from Hayley. "Looks like they found Hayley already."   
        "Hayley can't keep quiet when the others are looking for her. She starts laughing. Also, Cody is terrible at hiding. Mainly since he's a klutz so he trips and makes a lot of noise."  
        "Sounds like Cody."  
        "Definitely. And Lynn is a contortionist or something because she can hide in places you don't believe are humanly possible. She just bends her legs behind her neck and tucks her head into her shoulders. It's terrifying and she comes out when she physically cannot stay in the space any longer. Patrick is very quiet but he will easily give in after a few times of walking by. Either we start eating food and he wants some or he just chimes into the conversation. Brendon, it's 50-50. Sometimes he's good, other times we see his head popping up. Jenna grew up in this house so she knows every nook and cranny there is."  
        "What about Gerard?"   
        "Oh, he's scary. He constantly moves positions, specifically ones he somehow knows we just checked. He's never in a spot for more than five minutes. Hell, he's admitted once he left his spot while we were in the room looking for him. But he'll start texting picture of us he took 2 minutes ago and when we check the place where they came from, he's already moved."  
        "Okay, that's honestly really terrifying."  
        "We never find where he hides, he just gets cocky and we catch him on the move so we don't know where he usually goes-" The door swings open and the lights come on. Amelia and I cover our mouths and freeze.   
        "Why are you following me?" Jenna laughs. "Go look somewhere else!"  
        "What's the point is looking elsewhere when you might look int he same place," Hayley says.   
        "But you searching in here with me means you're also looking in the same place." The chair slides out and Jenna glances down. "I see you, Amelia!"  
        "Oh, drat!" she cries out, a little more obvious. She sits up, moving into the light and hiding me still. "I've been waiting so long to use this for weeks!"  
        Jenna laughs. "Well, not bad. I found Hayley, Brendon, and Patrick already." She extends her hand and Amelia climbs out. "Anyone else?"  
        "Like I'd share a hiding spot?" she remarks.   
        "Eh, you got me there. Let's go find...who's left? The two emos, Lynnie, and my stupid brother."   
        Amelia pushes the chair back into the desk nonchalantly and the girls leave the room, shutting the light and the door. I lean back, clasping my hand over my mouth while laughing. Jenna didn't see me, only Amelia. My phone lights up and I receive a new text from Amelia.  
        -Five minutes, Iero. Then I'm coming for you.- Looks like I won't be able to stay here long.   
        I slowly push the chair out and climb out from under the desk. They seem to have moved somewhere else so I peek open the door. I must say, I applaud her family because it dawns on me now none of their doors squeak when opening. I shut the door behind me and bolt up the stairs.  As soon as I turn the corner, I see Cody. I fall back when I see him but he trips over his feet.   
        "Dammit," he mutters.  
        I wave my hands in the air. "No, I'm not found yet, you?"  
        "No," he says with a mischievous grin. "Moving on," he says. I crawl over behind the couch and lean up against the wall. Cody starts running down the hall but he bumps into a table, knocking over several books on the floor. "SHHH!" he hisses.  
        "Someone's upstairs!" Amelia cries.   
        "Shit shit SHIT!" Cody sings, stumbling around before falling over behind the table.  
        Amelia and Hayley come upstairs and sigh. "Cody, you're hiding behind a glass table," Hayley sighs.  
        "I tried!" he sighs, defeatedly climbing out and fixing the table. The three of them return downstairs, the girls in the front. Cody turns around and we make eye contact. I'm in perfect view of the stairs, I'm just in the shadows and also wearing all black. But Cody knows I'm here and he holds up five fingers. Another hiding spot. Great. Well, I'm off to a good start and it's only round 1.  
        Their footsteps fade away and I climb out of my hiding spot. It's too risky to go down a level so I move further ahead and find a closet with spare pillows and blankets. This might work, I could crawl underneath the bottom self and bury myself. I step in then slide the door shut. It's dark now but I burrow underneath the blankets and manage to conceal myself in an inconspicuous manner. My phone lights up again and it's a text from Gerard. -You still hiding?-  
        -Yep, you?- I reply.  
        He sends me a picture. It's me. Standing in the hall in front of the spare closet where I was not even a minute ago. My heart starts pounding in my ears. It's angled upward. "Gee?" I whisper.  
        It's silent except for my low breathing. A hand slides over mine and I jump. "Shhh, darling. You'll give us away. The others can't find out." I cover my hand with my other mouth and squeeze Gerard's hand. "I was worried you would sit on me and start screaming," he snickers  
        "I almost started screaming right now," I whisper. Gerard adjusts himself, sitting right next to me, closer than Amelia was with the desk. But the desk was big and spacious. This is a closet and its space was already filled with pillows and blankets. Of course, he's closer to me.   
        "We're the few left," he says. "I swear to god, Cody almost got me caught."  
        "How?" I ask.  
        "Because I was laughing so hard at his fail."  
        "I was too but I was behind the couch. He saw me so I had to move after he was caught."  
        "Right, the five-minute rule, you're still safe."  
        I smile, still squeezing his hand. "How long have you guys played this game?"  
        He sighs, thinking back. "It's been a few years. We never outgrew the game. Sure, we have jobs and drive cars but we still play hide and seek."  
        "As long as everyone is happy and safe, there's no real problem." Gerard leans his head against my shoulder and takes a deep breath. "Hope I don't smell bad," I joke.  
        "No, actually, you smell really nice like," he pauses and actually sniffs me, turning his face toward me, nuzzling against my neck, "you smell nice. Like...I don't know."  
        "Soap?"  
        "No, it's better. Like. I don't know. Just it's really good."  
        I smile happily to myself. "Well, you can smell me all you'd like."  
        He chuckles lightly. "I'm not going to sniff you but maybe stay this close and just breathe in your scent." That's perfectly acceptable as well. "How has your birthday been?" he asks.   
        "Best one yet," I say. "Thank you guys for being my friends. It means the world to me."  
        "No problem, you're awesome, Frankie." He sits up. "I enjoy your company but I'm bored. Shall we search for a new spot?"  
        "What's wrong with this one?" I ask.  
        He pauses for a moment. "Where's the fun if there isn't any danger?"  
        "I like you're thinking."  
        Gerard leans forward and checks the hall before silently opening the door and sneaking out. He reaches for my hand and lifts me to my feet. Shutting the doors behind us. Still holding my hand, he drags me down the hall to the stairs. "Let's go," he whispers. I see Lynn and Patrick looking in one of the closets and Gerard takes a photo of them on his phone. We make it to the bottom and turn around the hall, slipping into one of the bathrooms and hiding in the shower stall. Gee takes his phone out and sends the picture to Lynn.   
        "Having fun?" I ask.  
        "Oh, of course," he says. I can see him smirking from the dim light of his phone. He hits send and pockets it. "We're just getting started."  
        "We?"  
        "It's only round one and I'm having a lot more fun with you staying with me."


	9. November 3rd

        I text Gerard, saying I'm heading over to his house now. I still can't believe what happened on Friday. After a few rounds of hide and seek, the others surprised me. For my birthday, they all pitched in a bought a guitar. MY guitar, Pansy. Epiphone Wilshire Phant‑o‑matic. In ivory. I couldn't believe it and I honestly started crying, which confused them. I'm ever so grateful for my friends because they are so kind and wonderful. It's not because they bought me my guitar. They truly care and they coordinated it for me. I don't care about the guitar as much as the friends they are. Nobody's ever cared this much about me.  
        It was Gerard's idea, he arranged the whole idea and was holding onto it in his closet since they got enough money to buy it. I felt sick to my stomach when I realized this was Gerard's doing. Not because of anything bad but because I think I actually love him.   
        Stepping outside, the air stings my face and I shudder from the cold. When it actually started snowing, my little jacket won't be doing enough to keep me warm. Well, I do have some extra cash on me now that I'm not saving for anything. I really need a job. Then again as terrible as it is, my parents about once a month give me a handful of money to "make up" for not always being there. At this point, I don't care. Well, I do but I don't.   
        I ring the doorbell but nobody answers. I text him again, saying I'm here and ring again. It doesn't make sense because his parents should be here. It's the same time as always. I call him and wait for him to answer. It rings and rings but he never picks up. It goes to his voicemail and I hang up. Weird. The cold starts getting to me so I head back to my house wondering.  
        My father's in the kitchen when I step back inside. "What are you doing?" he asks.   
        "I-"  
        "It's 40 degrees outside. Why aren't you wearing a thicker jacket?"  
        "I don't really have one," I say. He stops and looks at me. "What?"  
        "Why didn't you say anything?" I shrug. "You can't keep wearing that. It's going to start snowing." He goes to the front and looks around. "Here, you can wear my old one."   
        "Thanks," I say, taking it.   
        Footsteps sound from the stairs and my mother walks over. "Morning, Frank," she says. She glances at the coat. "That's your father's."  
        "He needs one, it's cold outside."  
        She opens her mouth, probably to yell for not providing me with my own. "Well, thanks! I got to go or I'll be late," I say, quickly leaving the house before any yelling can start. I run down the street back to Gerard's house. He hasn't replied to my texts yet. I ring his bell again but nobody answers. I need to go to Cody's house now or I'll be late. Granted, he'd pick me up if I didn't make it there on time. No need to cause any trouble.   
        I start jogging over to Jenna and Cody's house as they walk outside. "Hey, there you are," Jenna says with a smile. "I was just about to text you."  
        "Sorry, I was waiting for Gerard and-" I stop when I see Cody give his head a small and discreet shake. "But I don't know."  
        "Oh, he texted Cody, saying he was sick and staying home." That doesn't make sense. If he was sick, he'd still answer his phone. Unless he was sleeping but that still doesn't seem right. Someone would have answered the door. And he would've told me too like he told Cody.   
        "Yeah, well, let's go. Frank, sit up front," Cody says. The girls climb in the back and I get in the passenger. Amelia and Jenna are talking about a movie they want to see while Cody discreetly whispers to me. "Did Gee tell you anything?"  
        "No," I whisper in equal volume. "Why?"  
        "I'll tell you later. Just...don't say anything. Okay?" I nod and we start driving to school. When we arrive, we go our split up. "See you in art, Jenna."  
        She waves at him and then heads to her lockers with Amelia. "So what's going on? Is everything okay?" I ask.  
        "Please, he specifically asked me not to tell anyone and I promised but I am pretty sure you are the only one else who would know."  
        "Okay, I won't say anything," I say. "Is it bad?"  
        Cody looks at me. "You know how Gerard's anorexic?" I stop and look at him, dropping my mouth open and gasping. "Shit, guess not," he winces. Cody turns away, running his hands through his hair.  
        I reach for his shoulder. "What do you mean?" I ask.   
        "You really didn't know?" he whispers. I shake my head. "But you hang out with him a lot after school to work on your history project. I thought you would have figured it out..."  
        "What do you mean?" I ask again. I don't understand why he would mention this right now. I'm glad I know but I wish it wasn't true.  
        "He doesn't like eating," he whispers. Cody and I head down to the art wing where there aren't any other students. Standing off to the side, he keeps talking in a low voice so nobody hears. "When we were younger, he used to be overweight. It wasn't a problem, he wasn't obese or anything unhealthy. It was just baby fat, you know? But he got bullied a lot. Then we didn't see each for a few years and I guess the bullying got worse. By the time we reconnected, he was slender but not by healthy means. Freshman year, he became really self-conscious and stopped eating when he could, didn't have lunch, skipped breakfast. Last year, he nearly starved himself to death and he was hospitalized. Everyone else believed his lie of appendicitis. I'm the only person he told."   
        "Is he better?" I ask. "Or did he relapse? Is that why he isn't here?"  
        "Well," Cody glances down. "I want to say he's getting better. I do see him eat food but I have to convince him sometimes. None of the others know. You know Elena?"  
        "His grandmother?" I ask.   
        "Yeah, she's always there when his parents aren't. I'm the only one who really goes to his house just to hang out so I'm the only one who's met her. Besides you that is. She's there to make sure he's eating and not throwing up."   
        I sigh, leaning against the wall. It makes sense. He argues against her telling him to have something and she always makes sure he eats. Also, explains why Gerard would tell his parents he was eating at Cody's when he'd tell Cody he already ate at home. Why the hell didn't I realize? "So he texted you saying he wasn't at school?"  
        "He texted me last night, told me to tell the others he was just sick."  
        "Well, he is sick if he's in the hospital."  
        "What? No, no," Cody says. "He's...at a funeral." I widen my eyes at him. "His grandmother passed away."  
        I cover my mouth with my hand. "What? No..." Elena? She's so sweet and caring. Gerard always talked about her highly, how she was there for him when his parents weren't. I know she's been getting worse with headaches and back problems, becoming more tired but I didn't think she would pass away.  
        He nods slowly. "I know. He's really distraught because...he feels she was all he had. And his parents have a lot going on. I know Donna and Donald mean well but they forget about Gerard a lot but I don't blame them."  
        "So what's going to happen?"  
        Cody shrugs. "Gee...he needs to be monitored. He's my best friend but I know he's lying about eating. At least he's not starving himself anymore but he's still not healthy. His parents will have a hard time keeping an eye on him and I'm worried he'll relapse."  
        "He's going to be okay, though, right?" Cody doesn't say anything, just glancing down. "Cody, he's your best friend. He's going to be okay, right?" Warning bell rings but neither of us moves. What do we do? What do I do? I'm not supposed to know any of this but now I do. Cody only brought it up because he thought I would have known. I guess I'm a lousy friend for never realizing. Why would Gerard think he needs to lose weight. I mean, maybe before he was chubby but that doesn't mean he wasn't perfect. Beauty is something in the soul and his body shouldn't matter. And he's average weight, well, below average now that I think about it. He's very slender for his height. But he's still beautiful because of his heart. I don't care what he looks like. I just want him safe and healthy.  
        The majority of art kids start heading to class and Cody and I follow along. "But please, you cannot tell the others. Please, don't. And don't bring it up with Gerard."  
        "I won't," I whisper.   
        "What are you two whispering about?" We turn around and see Lynn and Jenna behind us. "Oh my gosh, Cody! Are you asking Frank out?" she teases.  
        "Yeah, totally," he replies, rolling his eyes while laughing. "No offense, Frank, but you're not my type. Not enough woman."  
        "I could be a woman if I wanted to," I joke.   
        Cody shrugs. "Would you?" he asks.   
        "Probably not, I'm comfortable as a dude."   
        The four of us sit at our table and they take out their projects. "Well, let's just date other people then," he says. 

        In math, I open up my song journal and flip to a blank page. Why is it all my inspiration comes from Gerard? Eh, probably because I'm in love with him. Even though I barely know him. Is this love? Probably just lust that I am confusing love with. I've never been in "love" before so what do I know? I do know Gerard is beautiful and not because of how he looks. I know I need to tell him that and I could write about it.   
        The only reason Gerard thinks he needs to starve himself is that he was bullied for being overweight. It's not a real problem, I don't understand why he would need to change. The world doesn't know what beauty is because it's hurting the real beautiful people, telling them they're ugly. It's the world is what's ugly and Gerard is beautiful, at least he is to me. I start writing down lyrics in my journal. I finished my math homework before the warm-up was done. Matrix is the easiest things in the world, why need to have 5 different examples?  
        "Frank, how do you do this?" Amelia asks, turning around with her homework.  
        I don't bother to glance up. "Multiple each side by the inverse," I say. I slide my homework over to show her what I mean.  
        "Well, that makes a lot more sense. You should be a math teacher," she says, scribbling down the steps.   
        "It just takes practice," I say smiling.  
        "Are you thinking of me like I'm thinking of you?" I stop writing and look up at her blushing. "Sorry, I was just reading it. Another song?"  
        "Yeah," I mutter.   
        Her eyes scan the paper, reading a bit more. "Who's it for?" she asks.   
        I freeze for a minute. Nobody can know. "Uh, I don't know. Just an idea I had.  
        "Well, I like it so far. I also liked the other one you wrote a while back, I'm Not Okay I Promise. I thought it was really good."  
        "Thanks," I smile. "You're the only one who's read my stuff, the only one who knows about it."  
        "Really? I think the others would love it. You could start a band."  
        "Oh, I wish," I say. "That would be a dream of mine."  
        "Well, I certainly expect backstage passes."  
        "Why of course," I say, laughing. The bell rings and we pack up our papers into our bags. We head outside and meet up with Cody and Jenna.   
        "Hey, you guys want to hang out at our place?" Cody offers?"  
        Amelia and I exchange glances and shrug. "Yeah, that'd be fun."

        The only homework I really have is my history project but I can't work on it without Gerard. He has half our stuff. It's not like I need to worry about it. We're almost done and there are kids who barely have the outline done. I sit with the others continuing to work on my song while they do homework. Occasionally, Amelia will ask me for help with math. My parents keep texting me, asking where I am and saying I need to come home. I don't reply to them. They'll forget about me in five minutes.  
        Around 6 o'clock, we have dinner, making pizza rolls and finishing off the leftover pop. "Have you tried out your guitar yet?" Jenna asks.   
        I smile. "Yeah, it's epic. You guys are so nice."  
        "I'm glad you like it," Jenna says. "Now you and Lynn can rock out together."  
        Cody's phone starts ringing. He answers it, getting up and leaving the room. "Hey, how are you doing?" he says as he steps out.   
        "Probably Gerard," Amelia says. "I hope he's better for tomorrow."  
        "Same, probably just strep throat. It's been going around the school lately," Jenna replies.  
        "Good thing we didn't play spin. Otherwise, we'd all be sick." I smile along with the others but I sit still. I know he's not sick. Is this what Amelia mentioned a long time ago? Something's off about him but the other's didn't know what. No, she said Jenna knew too but Cody said this was something only he was aware of. There's something else going on with Gerard. "Frank, you good?"  
        "Huh? Oh, yeah. Just hope he's back too," I say. "History was boring without him and...he has the stuff for our project."  
        "Oh, that's true," Amelia says. "Well, I'm sure he'll be okay."  
        Cody comes back a little uneasy. "Hey, I'm going to head over to Gerard's house," he says. "Give him some company."  
        "Okay, sounds good," Jenna says.   
        "Amelia, you going to stay the night or do you want a ride home."  
        "She's staying the night," Jenna interjects.  
        Amelia glances at her. "I am?"  
        "You are now!" she laughs.   
        "Okay, and Frank?"  
        I glance at my watch. I should be getting home soon. They keep texting me, which is weird because usually, they don't usually care this much. "Yeah, I need to get going," I admit  
        "Okay, I'll drive you."  
        I say goodbye to the girls and pack up, heading out with Cody. My phone starts ringing. My mother is calling but I dismiss it. There are more important things than them. "Is everything okay?" I ask when we step out of the house.  
        Cody takes out his phone and starts texting. "I don't know, that's why I'm going there."   
        "Okay, just make sure he's okay," I say.  
        His phone chimes. "You want to come too?"  
        I need to go home but I want to see Gerard. Then again, does Gerard want to see me? "Uhh, I don't really want to intrude on-"  
        "I asked, he said he didn't mind you coming with."  
        "Then let's go. I just won't be able to stay long."  
        My mother texts me -Where are you? You need to come home right now- I swipe the notification and silence my phone. I can't stay too long, just long enough to make sure he's okay and if he'll go to school tomorrow.  
        When we get there, his father opens the door. He doesn't say much, just letting us in. There's a lot of adults in the kitchen, all wearing black. His mother is sitting on the couch covering her face with her hands, clutching handfuls of tissues. We go upstairs to Gerard's room and see him lying on his bed, his face buried in his pillow. He's wearing nice clothes, dress shirt, slacks, nice jacket.   
        Cody walks over to him and sits on the bed next to him. "Gee?"  
        "Hmm?" he mutters, not moving.   
        "It's me, Cody."  
        "I know," he mumbles. "I can recognize your voice anywhere."  
        Cody places his hand on his shoulder. "Frank's here too."  
        "I figured, you said he was coming." I step into his room and shut the door behind us. "I'm sorry," he mutters.  
        Cody shakes his head. "No, it's okay. You don't need to apologize."  
        Gerard sits up, taking a shaking breath. His eyes are swollen, cheeks break red. The whites of his eyes are a brighter red. He curls his legs up to his chest. He leans against the wall and covers his head with his arms. "Come here," Cody says, pulling him close to hug him. Gerard unfolds himself from a ball and leans on Cody, breaking down. "You're okay," he says. "It's going to be okay."  
        "No, it's not!" he says. His voice breaks off at the end. I don't know what to do. I just stand on the other side of his room, looking at him. He's so broken inside. "I just want it all to end." Cody bites his lip, looking at him worried. "I'm sick of everything, I just want it to stop."  
        "Please, don't," Cody whispers.   
        Gerard moves away from Cody, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm sorry," he whispers. He looks up at me and puts on a small smile. "Hi."  
        "Hi," I whisper back.  
        "Elena passed away," he whispers.   
        "My condolences," I tell him.   
        He nods, wiping his eyes again. "Friday morning. Except I wasn't told since I wasn't home. They waited until my dad picked me up in the morning." He yanks on his tie, which is done really nicely. To be honest, I don't think he did it himself. I walk over to him and take his hands. He looks up at me and I lower them before untying the fabric and slowly pulling off him.   
        "It's going to be okay," I say. "You want to talk?" Gerard looks down, taking his hands back. "We're here for you."  
        "I don't know what to do," he whispers. "I don't have anyone anymore. My parents don't care about me."  
        "That's not true," Cody says. "They would be devastated if they lost you."  
       "Yeah, they're already down one kid," he mutters. I look at him funny but Cody shakes his head so I don't ask. One kid? What does that mean? "I get that it's hard and they're doing what they can but...they don't even notice me anymore. If I were to die in my room, it takes a week for them to figure it out."  
        "Gee-"  
        Gerard waves Cody off. "I didn't say I would, just saying if."  
        "You know that's not true," he says sternly. "They would notice."  
        "Yeah, you're right. The school would call and ask so they'd come to yell at me."  
        "Please, stop," I whisper. Gerard looks up at me, lost eyes. "Gerard, you're my friend. You're our friend. And I know you're upset but please understand people care about you. I would be crushed if anything happened. Please, stop saying that nobody would notice." Gerard looks at me softly. He doesn't say anything, just staring at me hurt. I clench my jaw, refusing to cry. "I came by to make sure you're okay. Are you?"  
        "I don't know," he says. "I can't tell anymore, maybe I'm already dead."  
        I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly. He exhales and rests his head against my chest. "No, you are very much alive," I tell him. I move him back and take hold of his hand, placing it on his chest. "Your heart is beating, never let it stop. Everything is going to be okay, believe me."  
        "I believe you," he whispers, his eyes still trickling a few stray tears. "I'm going to school tomorrow."  
        I let go of him and smile. "Then I'll see you in the morning," I whisper.  
        "Wait," he holds onto my hands so I don't leave him, "you don't have to leave. You can stay."  
        "I know," I say, giving a smile, "but I wasn't supposed to come in the first place. I was supposed to go home a few hours ago."  
        "Oh, are you in trouble?" he asks.   
        "Probably," I admit. He looks at me worried. "It's okay, I wanted to see you, making sure you're doing alright."  
        "Yeah, but I don't want you to get you in trouble," he says, running his thumb over the back of my hand.  
        "I know, but aren't you the one who said there's no fun if there isn't a little risk."  
        Gerard looks at me and nods, chuckling to himself. "Yeah, but that's hide and seek."  
        "Still, you're worth the risk. And so much more." I squeeze his hand and then let go, leaving his room. 

        Walking home, I take out my phone and clear the notifications. As soon as I step into the house, my mother is yelling at me. "Where the hell were you?" she asks. "I was just about ready to call the police!"  
        "I was at my neighbor's house doing homework," I say.  
        "Well, is it that hard to answer your phone? You didn't tell us where you were going!"  
        I move back away from her. "It's not like I don't do it every day!" I snap back. "Leave me alone about it. You never noticed before."  
        "I told you, Linda, he's fine," my dad snaps. "He's 16 years old-"  
        "17, my birthday just passed," I say. "Remember?"  
        "Forgetting your own son's birthday," my mother shouts. Why do I bother? All I needed was to come home for the heat to be off me. My mother yells at my father and I scurry to my room. They don't really care, do they? It doesn't matter. Practice what you preach. My parents don't need to matter if they don't care. I have plenty of people who do care about me. They're the ones who matter. I throw my bag on the ground and curl up on my bed. If I can assure Gerard he will be okay then I can assure myself I will be too.


	10. November 5th

        "Hey, yo, Frank," Cody says, walking with me to lunch.   
        "Hi, what's up?" I ask.  
        "I wanted to ask you a favor, you don't have to if you don't want to."  
        I glance at him questioning. "What is it?"  
        "For my music class, I need to write a song and then have it recorded for my final," he explains. "I can't really play instruments but I think an acoustic guitar would work really well. Do you think maybe you could come in one day and record it with me?"  
        "Oh, yeah, I think that would be really cool. When's it due?"  
        "Eh, it's my final so we still got you know, a month. My teacher assigned it Monday so it's no big rush. I just got started on it though and I wanted to know if you were interested. Some of the chords written out but I'll get back to you later on it."  
        We step into the commons and walk over to our lunch table. "How much do you have done?" I ask, setting my backpack on the floor next to me.  
        Cody stumbles as he sits on the lunch bench, catching himself on the table top. "Good job there, buckaroo," Jenna says as she and Amelia walk over.   
        Cody rolls his eyes and her and sits down correctly. "I worked out the chorus, it's coming along."  
        "Oh, are you talking about your composure final?" Jenna asks. Cody snaps finger guns in her direction. "I'm surprised you started already. You always procrastinate."  
        "I only procrastinate on things I don't care about. Like math. Who likes math?"  
        "Frank does," Amelia says.  
        Jenna and Cody snap their heads at me and I lean back. "What? It's easy," I say.  
        "You like math?" Jenna asks. "Really?"  
        "It's satisfying when all the numbers work out and you always have a definite answer. It's comforting."  
        "Except when there's no solution," Amelia says. "Then there is no answer. Or imaginary numbers, that's bogus!"  
        "Yes, but everyone comes to the same answer unless they did it wrong. In English, there is no 'wrong' answer but a 'more correct' answer and THAT'S what is bogus."  
        "You know, you're right," Cody says laughing. "So you'd be cool with playing the guitar part?"  
        "Definitely," I say.   
        Jenna opens her soda can and it sprays her. Amelia starts giggling, fumbling with her fork. "Oh, shut up," Jenna says. "What's your song called, you know?"  
        Cody shrugs. "I have no idea, it's a miracle I started so soon. You know?"  
        "I didn't start mine period. Lynn is working on the guitar first and then she'll write the lyrics."  
        "Nice," Cody says, nodding along. He glances behind him. "Where is Gerard?"  
        "Haven't seen him since history," I say. Gerard's been doing alright in school now, he's acting the same and he looks the same but I can tell with him something is off. Understandably. He's depressed, worn out, but hiding it well. He can conceal his tiredness and he knows how to play along but when it's just us two, he lets his guard down at times. In class, he was leaning on my arm in the computer lab instead of typing the last half of the period.   
        "Speak of the devil," Amelia says. I glance behind me and see him walking over with his bag slung over his shoulder. "Hey, man. Where were you?"  
        He drops his bag to the floor and takes a seat next to me. "Talking to Gina about some art show," he says. "It's coming up over winter break and it's a big event so I was planning on submitting some pieces to see if I get in."  
        "Sounds exciting," I say. "You have something in mind?"  
        He flips open his sketchbook. "Not yet but I will soon enough." He twirls his pencil in his hand staring at the blank paper. Cody waits for Gerard to look up at him, his eyes stern. Gerard double takes when he realizes he's glaring at him. "What's up?" Gerard asks. Cody doesn't say anything, just tilts his head to the side. The girls don't really notice Gerard shifting away, gritting his teeth at him. "Stop it," he mutters.  
        "Gee-"  
        "I don't want to." Cody takes out another sandwich and slides it to Gerard. He stares at it unmoving. "I'm not even hungry."  
        "You don't know what you are. Eat." I turn my head at Gee and he glances at me in the corner of his eyes. Reluctantly, he unwraps the sandwich and bites into it resentfully. "Thank you."  
        "Oh, guys!" Amelia says, waving her arms in the air. "Jenna and I forgot to tell you."  
        Jenna looks at her confused but a light flips in her eyes. "Oh, right!"  
        "The ski trip with the school is officially open to sign up for now and we're upperclassman this year so we're eligible to go on the trip," Amelia explains.  
        "Yo, that's right!" Cody exclaims.  
        "Ski trip?" I ask quietly.  
        Amelia and Jenna look at me, remembering I'm still new. "So after winter break, there's a trip with the school to go to a ski resort a few hours away but only upperclassmen can go. We're juniors now so we can go."  
        "It sounds super fun and we all should try going."  
        Cody smiles. "Yeah, definitely. Most of us probably can go. I mean, I don't think Patrick will be able to because it cost a lot of money."  
        "Yeah, and Brendon," Gerard comments. "Unless Audrey goes too, but even if she does, he won't be with us." There's still bitterness behind his voice. Amelia glances at him but he doesn't look at her, keeping his eyes on the table and aggressively chewing his sandwich.  
        "Well, still. It's going to be a lot of fun," Amelia says. "Usually they go at the first weekend of February, after the bitter part of winter when usually there's most snow."  
        "How much would it cost?" I ask.   
        Amelia shrugs. "I mean, there's a fundraiser beforehand to help cut the costs. Estimated to be about a hundred."  
        I nod along. I could probably pull that off, asking my parents for the money, well, wait for an argument to come around and then pity ask them so they feel like this is what they owe me. I may not care for their money when I truly want their love and care but it is too much to ask so I might as well use what I do get to my advantage. "I'll look into going, sounds fun. Although, I have no idea how to ski."  
        "I could teach you," Amelia offers. "Gee, you think you'll go?"  
        "I don't know," he says. "I...got a lot going on at home, as always. And I don't think my family wants me away for a weekend in case..." He stops himself, biting the insides of his cheeks.   
        "It's okay," Jenna quickly says in a gentle voice. Amelia glances at her, not fully understanding but not questioning. Gerard nods along, fidgeting with his hands.   
        "Yeah, I don't know," he mutters under his breath. He crumples up the empty bag and gets up to throw it away. When he comes back, Cody gives him his water bottle and Gerard sips from it. 

        After lunch, I walk with Jenna to English. "Can I ask you something?"  
        "Sure, what's up?" she says.   
        I pause, trying to figure out what I really want to ask. "What were you talking about at lunch?"  
        "What do you mean? She brushes a strand of hair behind her ear.   
        "Like with Gerard. What was he saying and stuff? What was that about?" Jenna widens her eyes, trying to figure out what to say. "I'm just...worried."  
        "Gerard told me something a couple months ago and it's really hard for him at home and...it's just complicated."  
        "Is he okay though?" I ask. Jenna doesn't say anything. "Jen?"  
        "I want to say he will be but I don't know."  
        "Is he sick?" I ask. I don't know how to ask if it's about his eating disorder without bringing it up to her if she doesn't know. I don't know if she's talking about it right now or if there's the something else going on that I don't know about."  
        "No, he's...fine in that sense. It's really complicated and when Gee told me, it was only because I walked in when he snapped." I look at her concerned, hoping she'll continue. We step into the classroom and walk over to our seats. Jenna sets her bag down and looks at me.   
        "Whatever it is, is it still ongoing?" I ask. She nods her head. It's ongoing but he's not sick. It can't be the anorexia, something else is going on.   
        Lynn steps into the room and Jenna's face lights up with a smile. "Hey," she calls.   
        "Hi," Lynn says, running her fingers over her shoulder as she walks past. "What's new?"  
        "We're thinking of going on the ski trip," Jenna says. "You should totally come with us."  
        Lynn folds her hands and rests head on top. "Hmm, I don't know how to ski nor do I care for the cold, but I do like the thought of hanging out with you for a weekend."   
        Jenna smiles. "Yes, I truly am worth it."  
        "Of course, but in all honesty, I actually don't know. My parents don't like the thought of me being far away without their supervision." She leans forward and lowers her voice. "Not when there are so many boys around to make me impure."  
        "But they let you sleep over at Jenna's house at parties with us," I point out.  
        Lynn looks at me. "As far as they know, the boys leave at midnight. Not that boys are even the real problem for me." She laughs to herself, sitting back in her chair. "I'll ask but it's probably going to be a no."  
        "At least you tried," Jenna says. "And if they don't, we still have all our breaks coming up to hang out together."  
        "True that," she says. "Man, I don't even know what my parents would do if they found out."  
        "Found out what?" I ask.   
        Lynn looks at me hesitantly with a small. "That I'm...." she trails off nervously.  
        "You don't need to be ashamed," I tell her. "I am too."  
        Lynn's eyes light up. "You are? Do your parents know?"  
        "Well, not exactly. They may argue a lot but I know they aren't homophobic. I just never got around to telling them though." I look at Jenna. "Does your dad know about you and Lynn?" She nods along with a small smile. "How did you tell him?"  
        She shrugs. "I just came home one day and told him I was dating Lynn. He also knew I used to date a guy beforehand so he realized I was bi."  
        "You didn't tell him beforehand?"  
        She shakes her head. "Cody never had to sit down and explain he was straight, why do I have to?"  
        "That's a fair point," I say. Maybe I don't need to have that conversation then. I could just come home and bring my boyfriend over and they'll know. I can see myself telling my parents. I just can't see myself with a boyfriend. Although, I do see myself bring Gerard over. I don't know if he's interested in me like that.   
        "Well, my parents straight up told me I better not pretend I'm gay. Almost replied with, 'fine, I won't pretend' but that wouldn't have ended well."  
        "We're juniors now," Jenna says, "two more years and we're all out of here. They can't control you then."

        After math class, Amelia and I walk out to meet with the others. "Hey." Amelia turns around to see Audrey and Brendon behind us. "How are you?"  
        "Hey, Audrey, Brendon," she says with a smile. "How are you guys?"  
        "We're doing good," Audrey says with a cheery smile. She glances at me, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Have we met before?"  
        I look at her hesitantly. Yeah, you were kind of rude to me and Hayley but whatever. "I've seen you around," I answer vaguely.  
        "Oh, well, hi. I'm Audrey, this is my boyfriend Brendon," she says.   
        "I know, I have guitar with him," I say.  
        "Yeah, Frank's really good at guitar, knows a lot of Green Day and Metallica," Brendon says with a smile.   
        "Hey, so I wanted to ask you," Amelia says, "we can go on the ski trip this year, you think you guys will come?"  
        Audrey glances at Brendon. "It sounds fun, I haven't really gone skiing before though."  
        "I've gone a few times, I'll teach you, babe," he says. I tense up a bit. I don't know if this is a good idea. Besides Amelia, the others can't stand her, Gerard most of all. Granted he may not go, hopefully, he does. But they'll be there. Well, just because they come with doesn't mean we'll be seeing them. It's not my decision of who goes and who doesn't. I just hope it goes well. There's still time to work things out.


	11. November 10th

        "I am in dire need of Thanksgiving break already," Jenna exclaims in art class.   
        Gerard doesn't glance up from his painting. "We're almost there," he mumbles, adding more yellow to his palette. "But I know what you mean. I need to catch up on life."  
        "And I need to catch up on The Great Gatsby," Lynn says with a confused look. "I still need to do the chapter 1-4 packet."  
        I smile up at her. "I'm working on the packet now, almost finished, too. You want it when I'm down?"  
        Lynn glances up at me with a pleading smile. "If you're offering, yeah?"   
        "You know that was due yesterday, guys?" Jenna teases.  
        "Shh, it's okay," Lynn waves in front of her face. "She didn't collect it yet. And you haven't been reading Gatsby either. You're using Sparksnotes."  
        Hey, first of all," Jenna starts, "it's Shmoop I'm using. And secondly, I've been skimming the chapters and reading the summary and analysis. Besides, it's not like I don't know what's happening. Everyone is rich and stuck up."  
        "I mean, you're not wrong," Cody comments. "I really hate strawberries."  
        "I told you not to do something with so many small details for a painting," Jenna says. "You have to paint all those tiny seeds."  
        "Yeah, but they're like really good so I figured it'd be fine." He leans back and groans. "Evidently, I was wrong."  
        Lynn sets down her paintbrush and looks at his canvas. "It's not bad so far," she says. "I mean, it doesn't look like anything-" Cody turns at her looking shocked. "No, that's not what I meant."  
        "Wow, roasted," Jenna says.   
        "No! I mean like, you just started so of course, it's not good."  
        "You just called it not good?" I mention. Lynn opens her mouth to try to defend her intentions but stops.   
        "It's okay, I don't know what I'm doing either. I accidentally used purple instead of red." Cody holds up his canvas and glares at it frustratedly.  
        "How do you...accidentally use purple?" I ask.  
        Cody glances up at me, chuckling to himself. "Eh, I dipped my brush in the wrong color and wasn't paying attention."  
        "Remember when he started screaming?" Gerard laughs. "That's when he realized."  
        "Oh, that's why. I didn't know what you were doing."  
        Cody glances up at me, arching his eyebrows. "What? You just thought I'd randomly start screaming without a reason?" he asks.   
        I shrug. "I mean, it was you so..."  
        "Meh, you got me there."  
        Ms. Gina comes around to our table and starts looking at my friends' canvases. They started the project last Friday so they didn't get very far but the basic outlines down. "Looking good so far," she smiles, pacing around the others. She pauses to admire Gerard's before continuing. She stops again behind Cody. "Cody, the purple..."  
        "I know," he starts, sighing deeply.  
        "I really like how you're using other colors to show depth in the painting, it really does add realism to it," Gina says warmly. Cody falters, his eyes narrowing. "You're taking risks in your art, you're experimenting, keep it up."  
        "I-yeah, I totally will," he says, nodding along, not understanding. Lynn and Gerard start giggling under their breaths. Gina checks on the others, she all approves of what they have so far and moves on. As she walks to the other table, Cody is still glaring at her completely confused. "When I try really hard, I mess it all up. But I make a mess and all of a sudden I'm the next Picasso!" he grumbles.  
        "To be honest, I don't like Picasso," Gerard mutters. "He's not really good, he has not realism or depth. Personal opinion."  
        "Who do you like?" I ask.   
        Gerard glances up at me. "Uh, I love Van Gogh. I kind of relate to him, I don't know."  
        "Just don't cut off your ear," Cody says. Gerard chuckles to himself. "But really, I don't even see what's good here but if it gets me my A, I'll mess up more if I must."  
        "I think it looks really nice," I tell him. It doesn't look bad. I'm no art person but if I were to try comparing it to the photograph, it's a little blurry on the edges, not as defined. And there aren't any details set it, but the purple kind of looks like shadows. And I'm sure when it's down and whole, it will come together.   
        Cody is doing a basket of strawberries and Jenna has a bunch of grapes. Lynn is painting a pineapple and Gerard as sliced kiwis. And I have an English packet with a bit of yellow paint smudged on the edges. But it's a completed English packet. Let me just say, I do not like Daisy.   
        The others start cleaning up earlier than usual to wash up the paint. I finish the packet and set it over on top of Lynn's backpack. She can give it back to me before English starts. The bell rings as the others start walking over, Cody still washing his hands at the sink. "I'll see you guys later," he calls out. "And I'll take care of the brushes."  
        "Thanks, man," Gerard says, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "I'll see you 3rd," he says to me before walking out. I head down to music with Jenna and Lynn.   
        "Thanks, Frank. You are seriously a lifesaver," Lynn says, glancing over the packet.   
        I smile gently. "No problem, you're my friend."  
        "I'll return the favor sometime," she says, turning her bag and sliding the packet into her folder.

        When we get to guitar, Brendon and Patrick are already there, strumming on their instruments. Well, Patrick is strumming a nice rhythm. Brendon is shredding and headbanging enough to give himself whiplash. Lynn casually ignores him as she retrieves her and Jenna's guitars from the racks. "Rocking out, are we?" Jenna asks, pulling chairs over to the others.   
        "He's hosting a concert," Patrick comments.   
        "I think I know that song," I say, trying to figure out what he's playing.   
        "It's Van Halen," Patrick says, glancing at him. "Jump, the solo part, except he's on an acoustic and it's a different-"  
        "Fuck!" Brendon shout, as he messes up, his strings ringing out discordantly.  
        "Excuse me, Brendon?" Ms. Hayes says from the front of the room, raising her head over to us.   
        Brendon winces as he realizes he was rather loud. "Eh, my bad. I meant like frick and stuff!" Ms. Hayes just shakes her head with a small smile, rolling her eyes. Brendon tends to swear a lot, mostly in this class any time he messed up the notes. But he's also one of the best players here so she doesn't care too much, just making sure he's not screaming the f-bomb loud enough for an administrator to hear.   
        "Okay, guys," Ms. Hayes says as class starts. "Take out your music theory sheets." There's a symphony of groans in response and the teacher places her hands on her hips. "Yeah, I know you don't want to do work but it's Monday. First 15 minutes, work on music theory. As always, I don't mind group work as long as it's a reasonable volume and you are productive."  
        "We literally do this exact thing next hour," Hayley sighs, opening her manila folder.   
        "In choir?" I ask. Everyone except Patrick glance at me. "What?"  
        "It's not choir," Hayley corrects.  
        "Oh, yeah, right. It's vocals class," I say, remembering them explaining this last week. Granted they never specified a difference. "Well, what's vocals compared to choir?"  
        "Choir is where all the snotty kids are," Brendon says. Lynn slaps his shoulder and he double takes at her. "Wh-aren't they?"  
        "They're not all bad," she says, "but there is a lot of drama always happening in choir. But that's not the main difference."  
        "Yeah, but it's still a big difference," Brendon grumbles, folding her arms and leaning back in his seat.  
        Lynn rolls her eyes at him but continues. "Choir is a group singing together with different sections to create harmonies together. Vocals is independent singing. We do a lot of music theory, but it's way harder than this basics. And also, we learn how to sing with our own voice, not with a group."  
        "It's more fun," Jenna says. "We all used to be in choir as underclassmen but this year, they started a new class and we like it better."  
        "And they teach us how to write our own music and lyrics," Lynn says.  
        "That's cool," I say. "I mean, I'm not really much of a singer myself. I just strum along, but it sounds fun."  
        The 15 minute period ends and we can start playing our guitars again. We're doing canons in the class, where we all play the same song but everyone starts at a different time. Brendon goes first, then a different girl named Taylor starts playing at measure 1 when Brendon starts measure 2. Then another guy named Elliot starts at measure 1 when Taylor stars 2 and Brendon starts 3 and so on. With only 11 students in the class, it doesn't get too overbearing. Enough to make it a challenge and keep it interesting, without it becoming messy sounding. And the music we have for it fits.   
        With five minutes of class left, we have our time to ourselves. Jenna asks about Lynn's final for their vocals class. She finished writing the music, needing to start the lyrics next. She plays the guitar for us and it's beautiful. It's slow and echoing, the notes ringing out softly. Lynn sways side to side in her chair as she strums the strings. Her eyes are nearly closed and I can almost hear her humming along. Jenna sits with her legs crisscrossed, her head resting on her hands as she listens to Lynn play. It's adorable how focused she is on Lynn, the slightest smile, the genuine happiness, it's precious. I wish someone would look at me like that, to be that loved, even though Lynn doesn't notice. She's not looking at how Jenna looks at her. It's those moments that prove she really does care. She's not doing it to humor Lynn, it's how she truly feels.  
        Lynn sits small when she finishes, giggling nervously. "Yeah, that's it really." Jenna claps enthusiastically, smiling wide.   
        "You're going to make the rest of us look bad," Hayley says. "You're awesome and it didn't even take you long."  
        "Yeah, I like writing music, I just can't really make the words go, let alone the rhyming."  
        "Make the words go," Jenna repeats while laughing.  
        "Case and point," Lynn says.   
        "What are you guys all doing for your final?" I ask.   
        "Well, I'm just doing the guitar and singing whatever lyrics I come up with," Lynn explains.   
        "I'm probably going to do the same," Jenna says. "Cody mentioned you playing the guitar part for the recording?" I nod. "I'm excited to hear you play."  
        "I want to add some percussion to mine," Hayley says. "Like I'll sing and play guitar and add a little extra."  
        "Wait, how?" I ask. You need both hands for guitar and at least another for percussion. Unless she's asking someone else to record with her.  
        "Well, I can't sing and play guitar at the same time. I get distracted so I have to record singing, guitar, and the percussion three separate times and then put them together as one." Or, yeah, she does that instead.  
        "What percussion? Like drums?" Patrick asks.  
        "Eh, no. I was...I think tambourine is cool, okay?"  
        "What about the triangle?" Brendon suggests. Hayley glances at him hesitantly. "I'm kidding, tambourine is cool."  
        "How about you, Beebo?" Jenna asks.   
        "I-what?" he glances at her. She and Lynn start snickering while he shakes his head disgustedly. "I don't know where that came from but it's not becoming a thing," he says. "And I'm-" the two of them start laughing more and he just rolls his eyes, continuing anyway. "I'm doing a bunch of stuff. I want to add backing vocals at a few parts so I'm going to have to record it a few times. And everyone is doing guitar so I decided to do piano."  
        "You play piano?" I ask.   
        "More like, what doesn't he play?" Patrick says.   
        "The bagpipes!" he responds. "I don't know how to play bagpipes."  
        "Uh huh, and what do you know how to play?" Patrick asks, crossing his arms.   
        "Piano, guitar, bass guitar, organ, keyboard, trumpet, cello, drums, and accordion," he says proudly. I stare at him a bit shocked while he laughs.   
        "Piano, organ, and keyboard aren't all that much different so it's not like they were much harder to learn," Hayley says.   
        Brendon scoffs at her, exaggeratedly offended. "Well, they're still instruments I can play," he mutters. "Organ, I'll use the organ for my final!" he says sarcastically.   
        "When did accordion get added to the list?" Lynn asks.   
        "Uh, like three weeks ago. I'm now trying to figure out oboe. It's harder than you think but sounds so pretty."  
        "You should join a band," I joke. "If you can play all those instruments, I don't think anyone will decline you."  
        'If he can play that many instruments, he doesn't need anyone else to be in a band," Patrick points out.  
        "Bands are groups of musicians though, not just one person," Lynn says while laughing.   
        "Brendon is the only exception," Hayley says. "And his first song is called 'Do I Look Lonely? No, I'm All I Need!' and it will be a hit."

        The bell rings, abruptly ending our conversation about Brendon's solo band career. The others stay in the music hall while I walk up to history. My earbuds are plugged in and I can avoid listening to the obnoxious students in the hallways and listen to Green Day instead. American Idiot? Yeah, I'm surrounded by a bunch.  
        Someone taps my shoulder and I glance back to see Gerard walking next to me. "Hey," I say, taking out my earbuds.   
        "We're going directly to the computer lab today, remember?" he says.  
        "Oh, right, I forgot." The two of us turn around, bumping into passing students behind us. "I think..." Gerard glances at me, waiting for me to continue. "I don't know."  
        He smiles gently. "What were you going to say?" he asks.   
        "I don't know where I was going with that, to be honest." He laughs lightly to himself. "How are you doing?" I ask, trying to pick up the conversation again.   
        "Uh, could be better," he answers, "then again, it could be worse. It's so far not a bad day I guess."  
        "That's good," I say.   
        "You?"  
        "As Mondays go, this one doesn't suck that much."  
        "Good to hear."  
        As soon as we get to the lab and attendance is over, Gerard is spinning around in his wheeley chair. "You spin me right round, baby, right round," he sings softly to himself.  "Hey, Frankie, you know what mini-movie marathon we should have? Now You See Me." His chair slows to a halt and he wheels himself over to me. "It's like so great. These magicians just use magic to rob banks, it's great. And there's a sequel. Like, so many great actors and actresses."  
        "Like who?" I ask while typing.   
        "Uh, Morgan Freeman, the guy who plays Hulk. Haymitch from The Hunger Games. And Harry Potter is in the second one. It's just great and we should totally watch them together."  
        "Yeah, I'd like that," I say, turning to face him. He hugs his legs as they're curled up on the chair, resting his head on his knees. "With the others too?"  
        "Oh, I mean, we can. I was thinking just you and me."  
        "That works too," I quickly say. If it's just the two of us, I'm down with that. Two of us watching movies? Is that technically a date? Meh, forget whatever it's labeled as, it's what I've been wanting. "We have break in like two weeks."  
        "Yeah, and we also have a weekend coming up," he points out, "unless your busy?"  
        Like I have plans. "No, I'm free."  
        "Super," he says. He pulls himself against the counter and leans his head against my arm, staring at my computer screen. His irises move back and forth rapidly as he reads what I've typed so far. I can tell when he's starting a new line when his eyes skip all the way to the left. He catches me gazing at him and smiles. "Like what you see?"  
        "Very much so," I say overly sarcastic, to hide the fact I am telling the truth. If that makes any sense at all.  
        "Good," Gerard replies, playing along with me. I smile warmly, stopping myself from saying anything more.  
        The door to the computer lab opens and Andy walks in holding a white pass. The teacher glances up from his newspaper and looks at him. "Tardy again, Andrew?"  
        "What? No, it's a pass! It's from the office. There was a fight and I saw what happened." Andy walks up to the teacher and hands him the pass.   
        He glances at him then tosses it in the trash. "A fight?"  
        "Yeah, two chicks just went at it, it was crazy."  
        "Well, I don't think the administration wants you talking about it so how about you get started on your paper." Of course, the whole class wants to hear about this right now.   
        Gerard glances at me in question. I shake my head. I haven't heard anything about it. Gee wheels over to Andy among the half of the class wanting to know. Granted Andy and Gerard are actually friends compared to everyone else so he talks to him more openly.   
        "I didn't see who started it but I just saw the two girls going at each other's throats," Andy says. "Like stupid boys get into an argument and they call that a fight. It's most them sizing up to each other and taking swings but missing. Girls will actually kill each other. They're the real champs."  
        "Class," the teacher calls out, "I see how most of you are no long typing, which means it's done so you can turn it in right now?"   
        "No, we're working!"  
        "I'm not done yet!"  
        "I'm working on it, almost done too!"  
        The class collectively starts bickering excuses while the teacher turns the page in the paper. "Then it should look like you're working," he says behind a crossword.  
        Gerard comes back over to me, finally starting his paper. It's a miracle he has an A in this class for how little he puts effort into this. Art may be his forte but he's really good at history too. I wonder how he is in art history.  
        "Hey, Gee," Andy whispers, sliding over to us, "My buddy Ronnie got a video of the whole thing and he just sent it to me." He holds out his phone between the two of us, lowering the volume. The video starts with Andy and one of his other friends dabbing excessively. "Oh, uh, we were-we were...just goofing around and-Here!" he says.   
        Behind Andy and the other guy, I see a backpack fly across the hall and then a strangled scream. Andy lowers the volume more. They get out of the way of the camera view and I see Hayley and Audrey beating each other violently. Hayley grabs a fistful of Audrey's hair and holds her down as she repetitively punches her in the head. Audrey screams, clawing Hayley in the neck and swinging her legs under Hayley. Both of them fall down, wrestling on the ground. The hallway stops as everyone circles around them, watching. Brendon pushes through the crowd and Amelia follows behind him. They run over between the two and try breaking it up. Brendon wraps his arms around Audrey's waist, pulling her off of Hayley, who is now under her, covering her face. Audrey's nose is bleeding and her face already swollen. She pushes Brendon back and lunges at Hayley, who's scurrying back and in much worse condition. Amelia tries standing between the two of them and Brendon yanks Audrey off the ground, dragging her back. As a last-ditch effort, she kicks at Hayley, missing and swinging backward, knocking her and Brendon on the floor.   
        "Hey!" Several administrators rush over. "Get to class!" the dean yells. The bystanders scatter away, the dean keeping a few of them here as witnesses. Hayley, Amelia, Brendon, and Audrey sit on the floor as the camera lowers down and the video ends.   
        "I know you talk to Brendon," Andy says to Gerard. "You know the others too?"  
        Gerard's eyes are wide and his mouth hanging open. "Uh, yeah. Yes, I do." He looks up at me nervously, biting his lip.   
        "Andrew, it's interesting how you can type a paper without a computer in front of you," the teacher calls out.   
        "I'm...asking for advice," he says, wheeling back over to his seat.   
        Gerard looks at me still in shock. "What do we do?" he whispers.   
        "I-I don't know. We need to find the others after this period." He nods along. "I see Jenna and Cody next hour in gym, I could ask. I mean, Jenna would know if Amelia was in trouble, they're inseparable."  
        "Yeah, I know. I doubt Brendon or Amelia is in much trouble, they broke it up. But Hayley and Audrey are in deep shit. One of them is getting expelled."  
        "What?"  
        He looks at me sternly. "We have a no tolerance policy," he says. "That's why everyone always wants to know if there was one. They never happen. Even talking about wanting to fight someone could get you in suspension if they think you genuinely will."  
        "That makes sense why it's oddly civil here," I say. Gerard tilts his head to the side. "At my old school, it was like an everyday thing. It was a miracle if it went a week without one. Sometimes teachers didn't really care if it was small enough."  
        "Well, it's not like that here. Whoever started it is leaving. You think Hayley would do that?"  
        I open my mouth to say 'no, of course not' but I don't know. She does hate Audrey but enough to start fighting her?


	12. November 13th

        "Why isn't she getting expelled?" Gerard asks, turning around. "That makes no sense, Audrey started it."  
        "I don't know, that's just what Brendon told me in study hall," I explain. "Something about her parents getting involved."  
        "Makes sense, they're lawyers," Lynn says. "I need more paint."  
        Jenna slides her a bottle and sighs. "I actually hate Audrey, she sprained Hayley's wrist."  
        "Yeah, but Hayley did break her nose and she has to wear that stupid thing on her face," Cody chuckles.  
        I glance at Gerard. He's gritting his teeth while mixing his paintbrush in the water. "Gee?" He looks up at me with hooded eyes. "You good?"  
        "No," he scoffs. "She should have gotten expelled. And also, Brendon not breaking up with her is pissing me off too."  
        "Yeah," Lynn says. "That's really cold of him. Hayley is like his best friend."  
        "Was," he corrects. "That girl doesn't take bullshit from others. He'll be lucky if Hayley still talks to him when she gets back." He stops suddenly and drops his paintbrush. "Oh, for the love of god..." He stands up and storms off to the back of the room.   
        "Gerard?" I call out.   
        He marches back over with paper towels and starts patting the painting. He stands behind his stool, leaning against the table, his hair hanging in front of his face. "Can someone clean the water, it's too dirty to use," he sighs. "Kiwis are not supposed to be pink," he whines under his breath.  
        Gerard glances at Cody. "Well, sorry if I need to use red, bucko! Strawberries aren't green."  
        "They are before they're ripe," Gee replies.   
        Cody rolls his eyes. "Fine, I'll clean the water, happy?"  
        "Thank you," he calls out as Cody takes the water back to the sink. He lifts up the paper towel and the murky hue is gone. "I do love pain," he says.   
        "You love pain?" Jenna and Lynn ask at the same time, glancing at each other giggling.  
        Gerard looks up at him, his mouth hanging out. "Paint! I meant paint, like..."  
        "Great, now we have to kink shame Gee," Lynn says. Gerard slowly lowers himself into his seat, his cheeks blushing furiously. "Why you so embarrassed, Gee? I thought you'd laugh it off and play along by now."  
        Before he even opens his mouth to respond, Jenna gasps. "Wait!" she cries out, over exaggeratedly, "what if he really does love pain, that's why he's embarrassed," she teases.   
        I start choking from laughing and Gerard looks at me. "I don't! You just, that came out of nowhere so I..." The three of us giggle ceaseless and he pouts in his stool. "I hate you all," he sighs.   
        "What'd they do this time?" Cody asks, returning to the table with a clean bowl of water.   
        "Nothing," Gerard mutters, covering his face with his hands.  
        "Gerard just admitted he loves pain," I say. Gerard peaks his eyes between his fingers and glares at me.   
        Cody looks at me with a frozen look on his face. "Well, I clearly came back way too soon, I'm getting more paper towels because that's a reason to walk away." Cody stands back up and leaves the table.  
        Jenna and Lynn lean on each other while giggling and I can't help but smile. Gerard flops his arms on the table, resting his head on top. I poke his cheek and he hisses at me like a cat. I laugh, continuing to poke my face. "I'll bite you if you keep doing that," he mutters.  
        "Biting now, eh?" I remark. "Doesn't just stop with pain." His eyes drain of color as he slowly turns to face me, his cheeks furiously red.   
        "Oh, Gerard, what will we do with you," Lynn says, nonchalantly painting on her canvas.   
        "I hate you all," he sighs.  
        "Even me?" I ask teasingly.  
        "Oh, especially you, Frankie, you and your stupid remarks and the pretty, little grin of yours," he says. I smile, caressing the side of his face. He closes his eyes, leaning into my hand and taking a breath. My smile melts, eyes fixated on him, neither of us moving. I look up, Lynn continues painting her pineapple while calming down from laughing. Jenna glances at me wearily, making eye contact. Her eyes switch between me and Gerard with a puzzled expression. If I were to pull away from him, it would confirm I like him, but if I play ignorant, it might be assumed that I'm in denial. I simply smile at her innocently, and then playfully shove Gerard. He shakes his head side to side, his bangs falling into its natural place.   
        Cody comes back over with paper towels, sitting down and looking at us all. "Well, now it's quiet."  
        "Would you prefer us bringing back the old topic?" Lynn asks.   
        "No!" Gerard and Cody say in unison. Jenna softly smiles and I smile back at her, continuing on my English homework. 

        In guitar class, Hayley is back, sitting next to Patrick. Brendon isn't sitting with us, closer to Taylor and Elliot on the right side of the room. "Hey," Jenna says, taking a seat next to the others, "how's everything?"  
        Patrick gives a shrug, looking at Hayley to answer. "I mean, nothing happened, he just didn't sit by us when he came in, he just walked over to the others. They talked for a moment before he sat down."  
        "Is he seriously going to forget about us like that?" Lynn sighs.   
        "I don't think he would," Patrick says. "Look, I've known the guy for years, not as long as Hayley but I'd say next closest. I'm not defending him because he's being a jerk right now."  
        "What do you think's going to happen?" I ask.  
        Patrick sways his head side to side. "I don't know, I think we should give him time,"  
        "If he even deserves it," Hayley mutters. I realize she doesn't have her guitar out. She's wearing a baggy hoodie with her hands shoved into her pockets but I notice the brace over her wrist. She can't play.   
        "You don't hate him, do you?" Lynn asks.   
        Hayley glances at her shoes, contemplating an answer. "No, I don't hate him, I just hate the choices he's making right now. He's my best friend but doesn't act like it. And it's only because of her." There's spite in her voice, not necessarily jealousy. "There's nothing we can do now though, just let him figure it out on his own if he does at all."  
        "Who was that girl you were telling me about?" Patrick asks. Hayley looks up at her. "You know, uh, Sam or..."  
        "Oh, Sarah Orzechowski?" she says. That name sounds familiar. I might know who she's talking back but I can't think of her at the moment. "I mean, I just started talking to her so I'm not sure but she may be the one."  
        "The one what?" Jenna asks. "Are you and Patrick still conspiring against Audrey?"  
        "Uh, yeah," Patrick says matter-of-factly. "Look, we all want to break them up, right? And he's proven unable to listen to reason so what better way of doing it by just replacing her?"  
        "I don't think that's a good idea," I say. "I mean, I get the notion Audrey isn't good for him but-"  
        "Are you seriously going to defend them?" Hayley asks, looking almost betrayed.  
        I falter, glancing at her. "No, I was going to say that if he's in a bad relationship, then it's best he ends it and takes time before he jumps into a new one. It doesn't seem healthy."  
        Hayley pauses. "Oh, I'm sorry, you're actually right. But the thing is we've tried doing that and it clearly hasn't proved effective." She brushes her hair out of her eyes with her cast hand. Portions of her face are supposedly bruised but I don't see any. Maybe she's wearing makeup but it doesn't look like much, maybe some black eyeliner but nothing else.

        When I get to history, Gerard's sitting in his desk, doodling. "Hey," I say, walking past him.   
        He looks up at me and smiles. "Hey, you, what's up?"  
        "Nothing much, guitar was kind of awkward, Brendon wasn't sitting with us today."   
        "Yeah, I figured that much," Gerard sighs. "I really want to hit him upside the head, like he needs to snap out of it." I nod along, listening to him. "I know it's a manipulative relationship but I wish he would hear us out."  
        "I know what you mean, hey can I ask you something?"  
        Gerard glances up from his sketchbook. "Yeah, sure."  
        "Were you at Hayley's this morning?" I ask. Cody picked me up from my house this morning. Gerard and I didn't get to hang out, he said that he'll see me later in school. And Cody said that Gerard wasn't needing a ride that day.   
        "Yeah, how'd you know?" he asks.  
        "She's back today and I we didn't hang out in the morning. But she doesn't look like she's injured. I was just wondering if you had a hand in that."  
        He sets down his pencil and takes his phone out of his pocket. "We were texting last night and she was really upset at how swollen her face was. And she was also upset she can't play guitar. It'll be fine by next week but still. Look." He holds his phone out and I take it from his hands. She sent him a selfie, the skin around one of her eyes purple and almost yellow looking and on the same side of her face, her jaw blue and purple with scratches running down to her neck. Her lip is cut open.   
        "This is last night?" I ask, handing him back the phone.   
        "Yeah, and that was my reaction top," he says. "She was saying how she didn't want to go back to school looking like that and she doesn't really wear makeup so she didn't have anything. So I offered her to help. She didn't believe me at first but I sent her what I had."  
        "You did a good job, I couldn't have realized that."  
        Gerard nods along. "Colored concealer is a life saver," he says.   
        "How do you know how to do that?" I ask him, slightly suspicious.  
        Gerard looks at weary. "If you think I have anything I'm hiding, you don't need to worry. It's basic color theory," he says.   
        "What is?"  
        "If you need to conceal a certain tone, you use the complementary color to neutralize it. Yellow concealer for blueish purple. Green for red or pink, and lavender for yellowish brown." I guess that makes sense. I don't know what color theory is but if Gerard's saying it, it's probably what it is. "I went over to her house this morning to help her and she was really, well," he starts chuckles. "at first, she was shocked I knew how to do it. She told me she only invited me over to really hang out since she doubted my ability to help her. But then she was really thankful."  
        "That's nice of you," I say. He gives a shrug. "I take it you'll be going to school with her for a while?"  
        "I mean, I didn't think about it but probably. Just until it heals enough where she's comfortable not wearing making up anymore."  
        The passing period bell rings and the last of the students file into the room, shuffling toward our seats. Mr. Carlson waits until everyone is in the room before shutting the door. "Now, you all have been working very hard on your project," he says, "so I assume you are very familiar with the Antebellum Period now? I have a pop quiz for you."  
        "What! I thought we were going to the lab!" one kid cries out.   
        "We will in twelve minutes so have these finished and handed in ten minutes."  
        Gerard and I reach into our backpacks to take out a pencil. He makes eye contact at me and sighs. "Me too," I whisper. By the time a sheet is passed back to me, I scan over the questions and sigh. It's not at all hard.  
        After turning them in, we do head to the computer lab. "Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow?" Gerard asks.   
        "Uh, I got school," I say.  
        Gerard bumps his shoulder into me. "You know what I mean, silly. Are you busy after school?"  
        "Probably not, my parents are going out of town tomorrow. Well, my dad left today and my mom is leaving tomorrow morning."  
        "When would they be back?"  
        "I think halfway through next week? It's some business project they have with stockbrokers. I don't really remember but they left me money to feed myself, granted $500 dollars is way more than enough."  
        "Wow, yeah, I think you're going to be okay. Well, I was asking to see if you wanted to have the movie marathon."  
        "Oh, yeah, definitely," I say. Andy is holding the door to the computer lab open as we file in. Gerard and I take our seats in the usual spot against the side wall. "What time were you thinking?"  
        "Maybe right after? You know Cody and Jenna usually call us over on Friday evenings to hang out."  
        "Don't want to watch it with the others?" I tease while logging into my computer.   
        "We've seen it enough times together, I kind of just wanted to be with you for a little bit." I smile to myself while my computer loads. The cursor is the little, blue spinning circle of death. Eventually, my desktop appears and I open up a new document. I glance at the board as Mr. Carlson finishes writing the prompt. "What were the effects of the Industrial Revolution on the Civil War?"  
        Like usually, I start typing my essay, my notes from this week out next to me, and Gerard is goofing around, wheeling behind me. "How is it that you aren't failing this class?" I ask.  
        Gerard wheels over, spinning around. "What do you mean?"  
        "You never do your work," I say. "At least, not the whole period. You have a high grade than I do."  
        Gerard sits up, his foot catching the floor and he stops spinning around. "I'm really good at history, I learn about this stuff in my free time."  
        "Really, you?" He looks at me confused. "I mean, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just that it doesn't seem like your thing."  
        He smiles softly, flicking my bangs out of my eyes. "There's this documentary series, it's called America: The Story of Us and it's really good, I sound like e nerd but it's the ones with the narrator has a really nice voice."  
        "I think I know what you're talking about," I say. "Yeah, those ones are good."  
        He nods along. "Yeah, well, I watch that in my free time. Well, I used to," he says, trailing off.  
        "You used to?" I ask. Gerard hesitates, turning to face his computer. "Gee?" I playing tap his leg with my foot. Turning back to face me, he widens his eyes. "You good?"  
        "Yeah."  
        I look at him wearily. What just happened? "Why don't you watch it anymore?"  
        He glances down. "We finished them all."  
        "We? Whose we?"  
        "I meant me, or I in that case." He gives his head a small shake, like trying to shake a memory from resurfacing. "But I know U.S. history with ease. You have several tabs open for research. I know it all in my head. The teacher doesn't care if we have quotes. This is honors, not AP. So I just type out what I know."  
        "Okay, that makes sense. Another question though," I say. He looks at me slightly worried but I smile playfully to ease him. "Why is it Mr. Carlson never reprimands you? He'll tell everyone off task to get back to work and here you are on the daily dicking around in a wheely chair."  
        Gerard mirrors my smile. "Why would the teacher reprimand the one student with a 106% percent in the class?"  
        My face drops. "How in the hell do you have 106%?" I ask.  
        He snickers. "Because my essays are just that good that 100% doesn't do them justice." I stare at him almost pissed but also impressed. He doesn't really do anything, he's just naturally intelligent, and here I am working hard with only a 98%. But how good of a writer do you have to be in order to get more than perfect? "Hey, you think I'm good at art? I think I'm aveage-"  
        "Oh, shut up. You're the best artist I know," I sigh.  
        Gerard puts a finger to my lips, quietly shushing me. I catch my breath, looking down at his hand then slowly back up to his eyes. "Let me finish," he says, not removing his finger. "I'm average in art compared to all the other best artists in the world. But I think I'm a much better writer. And this class if a quarter of taking notes, a quarter of taking quizzes and tests, but half writing essays. I've never gotten a question wrong before..." he freezes up then taking his hand back and quickly knocking on the wooden desk.  
        "Superstitious?" I tease.  
        He rolls his eyes at me and laughs. "Not risking it. But anyway, since it's mostly writing, I'm good."  
        "I aspire to be you," I say.  
        He flinches. "Eh, no, you really shouldn't," he says hurt.   
        "Oh, come on. You're really smart, incredibly talented, you're funny and-"  
        "Shut up," he mutters. The edge in his voice stings me, he's not joking around but he's serious. I don't care that he told me to shut up but the fact about what I was talking about.   
        I open my mouth to apologize but I snap at him instead. "What's bothering you?" I ask. Gerard looks at me confused. "Huh? What's going on?"  
        "Nothing," he says.  
        "So are we good enough of friends for you to tell me or do you just not trust me?"  
        "What? No, that's not the case at all," he says.  
        "So why are you refraining from telling me whatever is eating you up?" His eyes grow dark but I don't care. I just want him to let me know so I could help him or be there for him. At least to know if I'm going to cross a line. I don't know if I'm triggering something from him or not since he won't tell me. "Gerard?" I shake his arm but he doesn't push me away. "What?"  
        "It doesn't matter," he mumbles.  
        "Stop, yes, it does. You do this thing where you just, I don't know, it's like something comes into your hear, like a memory and you just shut down. What's going on? I want to be able to help."  
        "You can't help me, Frank," he says. I stop. His voice is very empty. "It doesn't matter how close you are to me because not even Cody knows everything. And I don't want to talk about it because I want to believe in something that may not ever happen." He puts on a smile for my sake. "But I'm the one who's okay, so you don't need to worry too much about me."  
        "It seems like that's not entirely true," I reply. "It seems like you don't care about anything sometimes, you're numb."  
        "Understand I do care about more than I say I do, I'm just being an angsty teenager if that's what you're concerned about. I do care about a lot of things."  
        "Like?"  
        He sways his head side to side. "Like my friends, Jenna, Cody, the others. I care about you. I care about art and my grades, well, sometimes. I'm not-you don't need to think you've ever done something wrong. You're one of the few good things I have in my life. Things make sense when you're around," he says.   
        "You've said that before," I tell him.  
        "Yeah, because I mean it." He turns around, glancing at the clock. "And now I actually should start typing."  
        "That would be good," I say, seeing he didn't finish his header while I have almost 2 pages.   
        "But please don't think you've done something wrong," he adds. "If anything, it's not you, it's me."  
        I double take and look at him. "It sounds like you're breaking up with me," I say. Gerard cracks a grin, rolling his eyes. "Are you cheating on me?"  
        "Yes, Frankie, I'm cheating on you with Cody."  
        I gasp, clutching my chest exaggeratedly. "Oh, I should have seen this coming." Gerard starts typing his paper and I scroll through my articles. 

        At the end of the period, Gerard has finished typing out an essay equivalent to mine in length. The two of us start walking downstairs together. I go to gym and he goes to art, which is relatively near each other, pasted the cafeteria. Audrey passes us on the stairs wearing a white cast on her face over her nose. She doesn't notice us, keeps going. "Hey, Gee? I got a question."  
        We start walking on the ground floor. "Yeah, well, I may have an answer."  
        "Do you know how Sarah is?" I ask.  
        "You're going to have to be a little more specific than that," he says, glancing at me.   
        "I, uh, don't recall her last name," I say. Hayley said it, she and Patrick mentioned her in guitar. "Sarah, it started with an O and I think she's Polish? It ended in ski?"   
        "Oh, Sarah Orzechowski, her?"  
        "I think, do you know her?"  
        "Uh, yeah, we went to elementary together," he says. "We used to be friends in like second grade. She's really pretty. Cody knows her." The two of us stop walking and lean against the wall before we part ways. "She's on the varsity dance team, I think she's like captain or co-captain. Not sure. Why?"  
        "Uh, no reason," I say. Warning bell rings and I glance behind me.  
        Gerard looks at me wearily. "Do you have a crush on her?" he asks.   
        "What?" I croak, looking up at him. "No, not at all!" Gerard gives a small smile, narrowing his eyes. "I don't, I swear."  
        "Then why are you bringing her up?" I don't say anything. "Are you embarrassed?"  
        "First of all, Hayley brought her up today to Patrick and I don't know her. Secondly, I don't like girls," I mutter under my breath. I avert eye contact from him, heat rising to my face.  
        "So you don't have a crush on anyone?" he asks playfully.  
        No, you moron. I didn't say that, I said I don't like girls. I definitely have a crush on somebody, that somebody being you. But you don't realize that. You just assume I'm straight and that I don't have a crush on anybody. But I don't say that out loud. I can't. "No, the girls here are either obnoxious or my friends." The passing period is almost over so the two of us part ways. My cheeks are still burning but it's fine now, I dodged a bullet. Technically, I didn't lie to him.


End file.
